When given the task of finding the ugliest Christmas jumper possible by my editor, I was not expecting the one I found to make me shudder with such sartorial fear.
I went shopping in my local vintage and charity shops, imagining I'd pick up something from the 1980s featuring enough squiggly patterns to make me nauseous, or a bold fair isle reminiscent of the one I know for a fact my grandad will be wearing this year for probably the 20th consecutive Christmas.
Finding my star piece was almost like a sartorial meet-cute: I traipsed through the markets and charity shops (we stan a circular wardrobe at Hello! Fashion) with no luck and headed into the final shop, 15 minutes before it closed. To my delight, it housed a glorious rail of unloved, cheugy, (and some rather heinous) sweaters.
After searching through jumpers with slogans like; "Well I wish it could be the World Cup everyday" (ick) and "Cool and the Gang" I found the one: a burgundy cardigan from now-defunct Topman complete with lad-approved pints of beer, turkeys, gingerbread men the words 'BEST DAY EVER' scrawled across it.
Fellow mid-20-something millennials will appreciate why I found this knit the most ghastly of them all. Though the Y2K aesthetic has been widely accepted in the fashion industry over the last few years (I am absolutely team ballet flats), we're not quite there yet with the 2010s onwards - the era dubbed cheugy (aka, uncool) by Gen Z's. Think: 'Live, Laugh, Love' signs, song lyrics as social media captions and red skinny jeans.
When seeing this Christmas cardi, it reminded me of when t-shirts with Rihanna's face on, paired with beige chinos and navy Toms was our go-to aesthetic - I shivered. Which therefore confirmed this was the knit for me.
So I went ahead and put my own wardrobe to the test to try and make this 'retro' knit look cool and to see if we could indeed upcycle an 'ugly' Christmas sweater.
Outfit One: Jeans and a... nice top?
Black jeans are a failproof go-to, even for the worst-looking Christmas knits. I paired it with black flared jeans from Stradivarius and old-season brown suede Zara boots to complement the browns in the knit. I paired it with gold earrings from YSSO and a necklace from Abbott Lyon to give it an extra touch of chic.
Outfit Two: Metallic mini
If an ugly jumper dress code has been forced upon you for an outing this season, fear not. This metallic mini skirt from Bershka works surprisingly well. I finished off with sheer tights from Marks & Spencer, platform heels from Terry de Havilland and silver pearl necklace and earrings from H&M and a pearl bracelet I bought from a market in Crete this summer.
Outfit Three: Denim Maxi
An influencer-approved denim maxi is a wardrobe must-have. I realised that it looked much neater if I tied it with a hairband at the back and tucked it up my back. I paired it with my red Adidas Sambas and my gold jewellery combo.
Outfit Four : Cream Trousers
The proof that neutral trousers really are versatile enough to wear in any season with any outfit, this 'fit actually turned out to be my favourite. These old season Zara pants gave the look its chicest feel in my opinion. I paired with black slingbacks from Vinted.
Outfit Five: White Jeans
Wintery whites are a major trend this year, as proven by the likes of the Princess of Wales and Victoria Beckham. I wore the cardigan over and unfastened it at the bottom to create a more playful silhouette, and paired with my red Sambas for an 'off duty' look, I also removed my jewellery to make it more casual - perfect for those who adopt a laid-back Christmas day dress code.
What did I learn?
What I learned from this task is a good pair of gold earrings, necklace and buckle belt combo is the key to making any look 10x cooler: even the least chic of Christmas jumpers...
