"I'm in my mid-fifties and newly divorced. I've been invited to a lot of Christmas parties this year and I am nervous about attending alone. What should I do?"
You're already on a winning streak with your multitude of invites. That means people want you there because they feel your presence will add something positive to the festivities.
Parties full of couples are never as much fun as those with a medley of singletons and randoms. I know I'm better company when I haven't got my husband in tow, as I tend to make more of an effort. So, take confidence from the fact that you're there for your own attributes and set your sights on making sure you have fun.
Walking into a party alone after years of being in a couple can feel nerve-wracking, but there's also a frisson of excitement that anything could happen. There are always masses of partnerless people at parties; my husband is often away, so entering a room solo is pretty much my norm. I have a few ground rules that might help.
© Getty ImagesNavigating parties solo
1. Arrive on time
Arrive punctually to give yourself a chance to settle in; it's daunting walking into a room of half-inebriated guests. If numbers are limited, find out who else is going and make your entrance with a fellow guest. Alternatively, don't feel bad about asking if you can bring a plus one. Until you've got a few solo outings under your belt, having someone with whom to grab a first drink and look around the room is good insurance and doubles your chance of meeting new friends.
I can promise you it gets easier the more you do it, and you may develop a sense of excited anticipation about who you might meet - a new friend or even a potential date.
2. Prepare small talk
Not a speech. That would be weird. But have a few conversation openers ready if you are going to be meeting lots of strangers (who might even be handsome, single and solvent!).
I'm thinking, "How do you know the host?" or "Do you live nearby?" which is very likely to lead to "So you must know…" and "What a beautiful village" and the like.
Okay, it's a tedious enough start, but what if they love the same books as you or are eager to chat about Celebrity Traitors? Find common ground and take a stroll on it.
3. Top-to-toe grooming
Good nails (or certainly clean nails!), a blow-dry and an outfit that doesn't have you worrying about a tight waistband, uncomfortable seams or blisters on your feet, goes a long way to making you feel good about yourself. Dress for you, in something that makes you feel good, even if it's been in your wardrobe since the last century.
If you're comfortable, you'll radiate confidence – and there's nothing more attractive in a human being. Try to keep your head high and a smile on your face, no matter how nervous you feel – it's a performance, darling!
© James Veysey/REX/Shutterstock4. Leave when you want
Say yes to all invites; nothing ventured, nothing gained, as my Gran used to say. Staying at home is a guarantee you won't enjoy any surprises, whereas attending, even briefly, comes laced with possibility.
But don't be shy about slipping away when your social battery runs low. You are a grown-up. Should you wish to slither into your car at 8 pm to be in your PJs by 9 pm, that's your choice.
I favour an Irish goodbye where you slip out unannounced. Nobody notices, and often you'll find out the next day that people thought you lasted the whole innings, so you get credit for that. Just make sure you have a firm transport plan in advance.
