On season 18 of The Bachelor and 10 of The Bachelorette, Andi Dorfman was the girl who had the southern charm with the Yankee attitude and never held back what she had on her mind. So when writing her book It’s Not Okay, the 29-year-old was as cut throat and raw about her experiences on the show (Hello, fantasy suite secrets!) as she was about the highs and super lows of her relationship with ex-fiancé Josh Murray and their very public breakup after nine months of being engaged.
Stemming from her journal entries that she wrote throughout her time on the shows up until she bought a one way ticket to New York City, Andi felt that although breaking up is not uncommon, it’s something that not enough people openly talk about. “I looked back at my entries and realized my breakup is no different than anyone else’s. I wanted people to be able to relate to the story and to me and what they’ve seen on TV a little bit,” she tells HELLO!. “[Breaking up] is not something to be embarrassed by or ashamed of by any means. At the end of the day, you will survive; there are better things to come.”
And despite her being super candid about how she went from giving the final rose on the finale that aired July 28, 2014 to happily never after, there are also some extremely humorous parts in the book. From a how to burn your ex’s belongings guide to the breakup playlist that everyone needs, even the Duchess of Cambridge gets a shout out. Grab a glass, fine a bottle of your favorite wine, and read on for more of Andi’s chat with HELLO!
HELLO!: First, we must bring up the fact that you and your girlfriends would have group texts about Kate Middleton. Are you a fan of hers and the royals?
Andi Dorfman: Fan doesn’t even define it, slight obsession. Everything she does is just gold to me. Also, part of it is the love story. You have royalty, and they are supposed to marry other royalty. He chose love. Everyone roots for a great love story.
H!: So in essence, she got his final rose! You have plenty of fans of the show: Jennifer Lawrence, Jennifer Aniston, Lea Michele, but if you ever met her what would happen?
AD: I would faint. She is probably the one person who would leave me completely speechless. No words would come out of my mouth.
H!: Speaking of keeping quiet, this book is so the opposite! You are so candid about what happened in your relationships. Did you give your ‘exes’ a heads up?
AD: I didn’t. Since we wrapped, we live very different lives and everyone is doing their own thing whether going on another season of the show [Chris Soules later became the Bachelor] or filming a new one [Josh will be in E!’s Famously Single]. To each their own, but none of us needs to ask each other permission for what we want to do.
H!: Was writing the book cathartic?
AD: Definitely, especially looking back on it as a full story and to see how far I’ve come. Writing my journal entries was as well. It’s a sense of relief, just releasing those feelings from your body.
H!: Are you a believer in everything happens for a reason or do you regret going on the show?
AD: I’ll never regret going on the shows. At the end of the day, I can’t deny the fact that I got a chance and did fall in love. To regret that would be a slap in the face.
H!: What was the hardest part of writing the book?
AD: To go back and read and write some of the not so happy times. I remember going back to edit, and I’d get through the stories and be sobbing crying. Some of the moments weren’t the best clearly, the fights and reliving those was the hardest.
H!: You talk about your close relationship with your parents and go in depth about Josh calling you hurtful names. Did you ever fill your parents in on those aspects of your tumultuous relationship?
AD: I didn’t tell my parents and really anyone a lot of stuff until after. I think it was the embarrassment that not only was this relationship failing, but I was staying in a relationship that I knew was toxic. I think a lot of women can relate to that. I was so embarrassed to tell them we had broken up, but the people that were closest to me were not surprised. Your friends, inner circle, family know when there is trouble.
H!: You were very aware of your situation, but what is some advice for someone going through something similar?
AD: You have the choice. You are the only person who has that choice to get out of your relationship. You can choose to stay in a bad relationship knowingly, or you can choose to sulk and be damaged by a breakup, or you can choose happiness.
H!: Are you ready to fall in love again?
AD: I am if it came along. I definitely enjoy the perks of being single, especially in NYC. I got into the mentality of if it happens great, but I’m not actively looking. Yea, my relationship didn’t work out for various reasons, but it’s not going to stop me from allowing myself to fall in love again. I’m not going to let my past relationships damper that.
H!: You definitely seem like a hopeless romantic. What’s your best advice for someone who is starting to become head over heels?
AD: I think try to slow it down as much as you can. Falling in love is an amazing feeling. It’s a feeling like no other, the high that comes with it is incredible. I don’t want to tell people to not jump in because you miss out on that feeling. Allow yourself to feel those butterflies but keep it in perspective. It’s going to take time for that relationship to develop.
H!: The new season is now underway with JoJo Fletcher. When you watch the show, are you nervous or more excited to see what happens?
AD: I think both. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, and she is now a member of the little Bachelorette club that we have. I think I’m more excited for her than nervous.
H! As we watch JoJo fall in love on TV, when it comes to a future engagement of your own, has your ring preference changed?
AD: That was my dream ring! [Andi helped design her three-carat oval-cut diamond ring and left subtle hints to producers and jeweler Neil Lane himself] I think next time if I get engaged, we will go a different shape.
Andi’s book It’s Not Okay is out now.