"You are a victim of the patriarchy as well as subscribing to it," was my daughter's observation over (a veggie) dinner last Tuesday night. I like to think of myself as modern, progressive, liberal. I'm pro-women, pro-minority groups, pro-rights for exploited workers and a true champion of the underdog (though I will concede, it helps said canine's cause if they are aesthetically pleasing).
If I didn't cohabitate with my whip-smart 18-year-old progeny, I'd be blissfully ignorant of my un-with-it-ness, but she is exceptionally skilled at bursting my bubble. She often exclaims, "You can't say that," with her eyes widening in horror. She thinks I am politically incorrect! Me! She's idealistic and principled, whilst I am now a bit jaded and cynical. I know this happens in every generation, but there are some friction points particular to our Gen Z/Gen X divide. Here they are…
1. Messages
After aeons of silence, my daughter will message me suddenly and repeatedly, firing off maybe six WhatsApps in a row, all variations of "Call me now." When I see them, I immediately ring back. She will not pick up even though it has been less than one minute since her last communication. I think the dog has died, the house is on fire, or she has found herself abandoned in a questionable neighbourhood and thus have age-inducing cortisol surging through my body for the next thirty minutes until she texts back saying: "Pls can you buy me iron supplements. I think I have a deficiency."
She uses a lot of abbreviations I don't understand, but when I work them out and proudly litter my own communication with them (e.g. IKR = I know right, TBH - to be honest and Hundy P - 100% ), she will find some more. She tells me that using proper punctuation and capitalisation is pass-agg, verging on psychopathic (but somehow, she can send '??' and that's okay).
2. Working
"You live to work. I'm going to work to live" is her view. TBH, I probably thought the same at her age, but now I like going to work as I can go to the loo without someone knocking on the door and asking where the TV remote is, and people consider my ideas somewhat interesting and relevant. My daughter says her job will be "aligned" with her values, whilst my job, she tells me, is peddling "false needs. You know like makeup, perfume and party frocks." She's right, of course, but I think life would be a bit joyless without them. Or would it?
3. Aesthetics
For the uninitiated, 'aesthetic' is Gen Z terminology for your look. In my day (aka the 90s), you were an indie kid, raver, preppy or goth. But this wasn't just your look; it went right to the core of who you were. Your outward appearance signalled your tribe. Gen Z aren't wedded to their lewk in the same way. They switch up the vibe constantly - think dark academia, Y2K, cottagecore and clean girl. My aesthetic? Middle-aged mum trying to keep a little edge. I only know I've got a buy right when she steals it from me.
© S Meddle/ITV/Shutterstock4. Ageing
Getting older is beautiful and natural and my daughter is absolutely certain that she will be embracing her wrinkles and not demeaning herself with Botox or other such tweakments. Her view is that the patriarchy keeps women down by linking their societal value to looks, which they consider to fade over time. This means we have to dedicate much of our time to fighting ageing rather than raging against the machine and claiming our rightful place in society. She's not wrong. I do wonder though, in thirty years' time, if she’ll feel fondly about sprouting chin hairs and embrace the leg veins that look like jelly snakes.
5. Boundaries
Gen Z are SO good at setting these. If I have an event, but feel knackered or overloaded, I will contort myself into knots trying to get there. She won't. She’ll message that her social battery is low. And that toxic friend who wants to meet but makes you feel like a tragic loser? She just won’t go there. Literally. A friend's eight-year-old recently eschewed the mean girl at school because she was "allergic to bad vibes", which is so genius I might just tattoo it on my forehead.
© MATTLEVER6. Awkward phase.
I'm sorry, but what happened to the awkward phase we all had to suffer through in our youth? Frizzy hair can now be smoothed by hair tools, train track braces have been replaced by Invisalign, and spots are zapped with dermatological-grade skin care. Every teenager who comes to my house looks like a supermodel and is much better groomed than I am. And their photos are so polished! Not like back in the 90s when you had 24 pics on your disposable camera. Half were black, a few more had a thumb over the lens, two were of the ceiling, most people had their eyes shut, and of the rest, one was maybe passable. I'm jealous, obv-ey.
