If you have ever applied for the job of your dreams and found out someone else pipped you to the post, the rejection can feel devastating and ever so slightly embarrassing.
So it was refreshing to hear Zoe Ball, a celebrity no less, talk honestly about her own ‘grief and rejection’ of losing out on replacing Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman to host Strictly Come Dancing to Emma Willis this week.
Perhaps it is a sign of being a proper grownup when you just don’t care about the optics - and it's certainly rare for a celebrity to have such candour about not getting a role they really wanted.
And especially when speculation had been rife that Zoe was ready to take on the role as the former Strictly contestant had already been hosting the spin off series It Takes Two on BBC 2 for 10 years.
"I didn't get it, but it's OK,” Zoe admitted to her friend and fellow Radio 2 co-host Jo Whiley on their Dig It podcast. “I have worked through the seven stages of grief and rejection over the last couple of days.
“I was so chuffed to even be in the mix and I had a really fun time having one last little play at a show that I love and adore. And I'm so thrilled for the gang that has got it.
She added: "My mum always used to say, 'what's for you will come your way'. And I'm really grateful that I got to do the show."
“I'm a massive fan, so I will now be able to wear my PJs. I won't have to go to Turkey for the facelift Jo, which I'd bought the flights, and I will be taking all my sequin garments from the cupboards to the local charity shop.”
Rejections like losing out on a dream job shouldn’t be something that holds you back, according to globally renowned therapist and author Marisa Peer, who has worked with Davina McCall, Olympic athletes and members of Royalty on how to reframe their thoughts to think positively with her Rapid Transformational Therapy.
In her new book Your Mind, Your Rules she says by controlling your thinking you can transform your life - even after you have been rejected.
“Fear of rejection blocks you all the time,” Marisa says. “But no one can really reject you other than you. Sure you can be dumped or not get the job of your dreams, but only you as an adult have the power to reject you.
Our greatest fear
“One of humans’ greatest fears is the fear of being rejected, which is emotional and logical.
“But you can change the emotion by deciding that no one can reject you without your consent.
“You can also remind yourself that sometimes rejection can be the best thing to happen to us, as it spurs us on to something better.”
Just like the flight and fight response on our nervous system that is a hangover from our ancestors, the fear of rejection - like a baby being rejected from its mother - can also cause the same reaction. But Marisa insists you have the power to change it.
“It’s important to notice when your mind is reacting to its primitive wiring and then redirect it to suit the world you live in today,” says Marisa. “Rejection will no longer kill you and, in some cases, it can also be the best thing to ever happen to you.
“You are not at the mercy of your primitive wiring: with awareness and intention, you can retrain your mind to match the life you want, not the life your ancestors feared.”
Many women over 40 draw from rejection earlier in their lives which forces them to put off risking putting themselves out there, or spiralling with a stream of negative self-talk saying they are rubbish or can’t do something.
“Women over 40 feel they have missed the boat, my life is behind me and my best years have gone and they don’t realise your best years are right in front of you.
“When you are older you might not have the great body, but you have the confidence, you might have a few sags and wrinkles but you have that confidence of life and don’t care so much with what other people think of you.
“All you have been through in your first act, you can make your next half amazing
“The only risk is not taking the risk. I gave it everything and it wasn’t meant to be, but if you don’t try, you don’t know.”
So watch this space - Strictly might not have been for Zoe, but there is no doubt something bigger and better waiting for her in the wings.
Marisa Peer’s book Your Mind, Your Rules is out now.
