My daughter and I are slumped on the sofa, eating ice lollies during the recent blistering heatwave. Meanwhile Lorenzo is trying to reassure Yas that he hasn’t ‘caught feelings’ for another girl.
"Lorenzo is such a liar," Rae says (she’s almost 13). "Have you noticed that he doesn’t get any eye contact when he’s talking?". "Yes Rae," I reply sagely. "Be careful of the man that never makes eye contact. It’s a red flag."
I know many people reading this don’t like Love Island and I get it. It has a lot of smooching in it. It has young, gorgeous people in very small swimming costumes. They spend a lot of time putting make up on and then taking it off (I remember doing the same when I was young too). The banter is repetitive, and there are always the same catch phrases. If you’re over 35, you might need some context:
It is what it is. This is said whenever someone kisses someone who isn’t the person they’re coupled up with.
110%. This is said all the time but expresses absolute agreement in what’s been said.
Grafting. This is what you do when you kiss someone who isn’t your partner but really want to show that you’re sorry and win your partner back again.
The ick. This is what happens when you come on too strong and that scares the other person away (or you just do something that is kind of cringe and puts them off)
Crack on. This is when you are going to make your intentions known to someone in the villa and see if you can woo them.
Can I pull you for a chat? This is what happens whenever you want to step things up a gear with a potential partner and tell them that you’re 110% sure that you want to crack on, and graft as much as you can so they don’t get the ick.
When the challenges (which often involve lap dancing or snogging) happen, I either fast forward through them, or Rae holds up a cushion to shield her eyes. If there’s a snog, we definitely forward through it as it can get pretty heated especially if its happening up on the terrace which is where couples go to get some privacy (though everyone knows that they’re up there, and they’re being filmed).
It’s hard when you have a teen to find content that you can watch together. I have watched Mean Girls 1000 times. Also just about every teen drama on Netflix (and they are all very samey). I know there will be some parents thinking that it’s harmful for my daughter to watch, that it’s too sexy, and that the outfits are too skimpy. I’d argue that it opens up a lot of conversations, conversations I wish I’d had with my mum when I was of similar age. The couples on the show are obviously older, most in their mid-late 20s, but the patterns of romantic relationships don’t change- there are definite things you can learn through observation.
© InstagramI wish that someone had told me that good looking boys, very good looking boys, are not always reliable (this took me 35 years to understand). Or that if a boy wants to kiss you, he’s liable to say a lot of things, flattering, jolly things, that will inflate your ego, and make you feel fab, but may not be the same things he’s saying after he’s kissed you.
I wish I’d known about the importance of the CHASE, and how it’s not good to tell a boy that you’re in love with him on the first date, or hold his hand, or turn up at his family home with a can of his favourite beer and some homemade chutney that you bought because he mentioned he loves chutney with his curry (my problem has always been showing too much enthusiasm, too early and never being able to play it cool).
I’m in my 50s now and it’s too late, but Rae… well, she’ll be embarking on the rocky road of relationships one day, and while Love Island doesn’t present an entirely accurate view of the world, it can be helpful as it gets us talking. We talk about consent and how people might feel under pressure to do things even when they don’t want to. "I’m not sure Priya wanted to kiss him," Rae said as we watched one of the young stars getting intimate with Lorenzo (I think it was him, he does seem to get around a fair bit). "You never need to kiss someone if you don’t want to," I said. How much time would I have saved, how much heartbreak, if someone had told me it was perfectly acceptable to walk away if you didn’t fancy them?
But what about the body image issues?
The one thing I do worry about are the bodies that are on display. These are all exceptional, and none of them have cellulite or body hair. They are superhuman. It’s obvious that these are people who spend significant time in the gym and watch what they eat. You rarely actually see them eat proper meals, and they seem to survive on scrambled eggs, coffee and ice lollies (which is a bit like my diet right now as I continue on my Mounjaro journey).
Rae and I talk about their bodies while we’re watching and I point out if a girl is slightly curvier, and how great she looks, and also how it must take a lot of work to have that impressive six-pack. I want her to realise that these bodies are an investment, they are on display, they are not the norm, and also not to feel the pressure to conform to this very high and narrow standard.
Luckily she has a good head on her shoulders and school and friends have reinforced the message that there is no such thing as a perfect body. She is far more body positive than I was (I was already on Slimfast at her age).
"I’d like to be strong like that," she said one evening, pointing out one of the female contestants super-toned arms. "It’s definitely important to be strong. You need to be able to defend yourself too. Oh I wonder if Lorenzo is really going to get off with the new girl in Casa Amore? Oh…he is. That’s a shame. I thought Yas and him were doing much better. He even got eye contact in the last chat."
We go back to comfortable silence. And if you’re a mum to a teen, you’ll know. It’s often not comfortable, and there is a fair bit of conflict each day. I know some people will judge - and Love Island might not be right for every teen. But for me and my daughter it’s really helping us reconnect. It’s helping us talk about things that can feel ick otherwise. And that’s pretty cool right?
