My daughter and I are slumped on the sofa, eating ice lollies during the recent warm weather. Meanwhile Aidan is telling Priya that he's just "not feeling it anymore" after saying that everything was "great" just hours earlier.
"Aidan is so weird," Rae says (she’s almost 13). "Have you noticed that he's always asking for kisses and doesn’t make eye contact when he’s talking?". "Yes Rae," I reply sagely. "Be careful of the man that never makes eye contact or asks for kisses from every girl he meets. It’s a red flag."
© ITVI know many people reading this don’t like Love Island and I get it. It has a lot of smooching in it. It has young, gorgeous people in very small swimming costumes. They spend a lot of time putting make up on and then taking it off (I remember doing the same when I was young too). The banter is repetitive, and there are always the same catch phrases.
When the challenges (which mainly involved lap dancing or snogging) happen, I usually skipped them, or Rae would hold up a cushion to shield her eyes.
It’s hard when you have a teen to find content that you can watch together. I have watched Mean Girls 1000 times. Also just about every teen drama on Netflix (and they are all very samey). I know there will be some parents thinking that it’s harmful for my daughter to watch, that it’s too sexy, and that the outfits are too skimpy. I’d argue that it opens up a lot of conversations, conversations I wish I’d had with my mum when I was of similar age. The couples on the show are obviously older, most in their mid-late 20s, but the patterns of romantic relationships don’t change - there are definite things you can learn through observation.
© ITVI wish that someone had told me that good looking boys, very good looking boys, are not always reliable (this took me 35 years to understand). Or that if a boy wants to kiss you, he’s liable to say a lot of things, flattering, jolly things, that will inflate your ego, and make you feel fab, but may not be the same things he’s saying after he’s kissed you.
I wish I’d known about the importance of the CHASE, and how it’s not good to tell a boy that you’re in love with him on the first date, or hold his hand, or turn up at his family home with a can of his favourite beer and some homemade chutney that you bought because he mentioned he loves chutney with his curry (my problem has always been showing too much enthusiasm, too early and never being able to play it cool).
I’m in my 50s now and it’s too late, but Rae… well, she’ll be embarking on the rocky road of relationships one day, and while Love Island doesn’t present an entirely accurate view of the world, it can be helpful as it gets us talking. We talk about consent and how people might feel under pressure to do things even when they don’t want to.
With the cast kissing for the sake of it, I'd tell her; "You never need to kiss someone if you don’t want to." How much time would I have saved, how much heartbreak, if someone had told me it was perfectly acceptable to walk away if you didn’t fancy them?
© ITVBut what about the body image issues?
The one thing I do worry about are the bodies that are on display. These are all exceptional, and none of them have cellulite or body hair. They are superhuman. It’s obvious that these are people who spend significant time in the gym and watch what they eat. You rarely actually see them eat proper meals, and they seem to survive on scrambled eggs, coffee and ice lollies (which is a bit like my diet right now as I continue on my Mounjaro journey).
© ITVRae and I talk about their bodies while we’re watching and I point out if a girl is slightly curvier, and how great she looks, and also how it must take a lot of work to have that impressive six-pack. I want her to realise that these bodies are an investment, they are on display, they are not the norm, and also not to feel the pressure to conform to this very high and narrow standard.
Luckily she has a good head on her shoulders and school and friends have reinforced the message that there is no such thing as a perfect body. She is far more body positive than I was (I was already on Slimfast at her age).
"I’d like to be strong like that," she said one evening, pointing out one of the female contestants super-toned arms. "It’s definitely important to be strong. You need to be able to defend yourself too.
We go back to comfortable silence. And if you’re a mum to a teen, you’ll know. It’s often not comfortable, and there is a fair bit of conflict each day. I know some people will judge - and Love Island might not be right for every teen. But for me and my daughter it’s really helping us reconnect. It’s helping us talk about things that can feel ick otherwise. And that’s pretty cool right?
