From an early age, bestselling author Jane Fallon decided she would rather have a dog than a big family of children running about the house. Becoming a mother just wasn’t something she dreamed of or desired as she spent hours poring over reading books, or playing in the mud with her older siblings.
For a fleeting moment the former TV producer contemplated the idea of motherhood as she watched her friends and colleagues of a similar age go off to have families of their own. But when she sat down and considered the realities of life with a child and how they would mess with her anxiety levels, she accepted it wasn’t for her.
Having been in a relationship with comedian Ricky Gervais for over 40 years, the pair have never bothered to go down the conventional route of getting married either. And does it matter to her? Not a jot.
Opening up about her life and career on this week’s Second Act podcast, the author of Welcome to The Neighbourhood says: “When I was little, you know how the kind of cliché for little girls is they imagine their wedding day in their wedding dress. I had none of that, ever. I would think - I can get a dog or something one day, but it was always about work. And my life and the flat I would live in. I was never into the romance stuff.
“As I got older, I just realised it wasn't for me. And I think part of it is I'm a real catastrophiser. I would stifle the life out of my kids. I can't even let my cat out. I just find it really hard.
“I think your job as a parent is to create independent people, go be free,” she adds. “And coming from a big family and being a baby, I think part of it is that part of it is you're the baby forever.
“I just thought I'll be a better auntie and kind of auntie to my friends' kids than being a mother. I just don’t think I'd be very good at it because I thought I'd be too anxious.”
Jane is not alone in bucking the old trend of going down the traditional route of 2.4 children. According to figures collected by the Office for National Statistics in 2020, approximately 50% of women born in 1990 were childless at age 30 - the highest it has ever been.
There have been times former TV producer Jane has felt she has had to defend herself against people saying she chose her career - or even her figure - over having kids. Still now it can feel like a taboo subject. But thankfully her own family never pushed that narrative onto her.
“When I started to think about it (having children) again, luckily I come from a big family and other people have had kids, I’m the youngest so the pressure is off.
“I feel bad for people in smaller families where they feel that pressure from their parents to give them grandchildren or whatever. I never had any of that.”
You can listen to the Second Act podcast with Jane Fallon, now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Podcasts and Youtube.