The last time I was in Ibiza with my friend Jess, we dropped into the fashion wonderland that is Annie's and played dress up in gowns that have graced the beautiful bodies of the likes of Sienna Miller and Cara Delevingne. Slipping into a short silver minidress reminded me of the first time I went to the White Isle when I was 18, and despite not being able to justify the £1,000 price tag, spinning around in it brought me joy that was priceless.
I swore there and then that I would fix my "terrible" legs, get my veins sorted, get toned and start lymphatic drainage, so the next time we went back to Ibiza, I would brave a similar dress to feel that same joy again on the dance floor.
A year after our trip to Annie's, where Jess twirled about in a green sparkly dress looking like a cool Tinkerbell, she died of skin cancer. And I realised then there is never going to be the perfect time, or the perfect legs - you just have to wear the dress and do it now. Shortly after Jess' funeral in September, my friend mentioned she was going to Ibiza's DC-10 closing party, one of the clubs I had always wanted to go to but never made it to.
In my grief, my mindset had switched into embracing every moment that I can, so I spontaneously booked a flight. Then I had the crisis of what to wear. When I packed my suitcase for my first ever 18-30s holiday (remember them?) to celebrate my A-Levels, it was a rainbow of flimsy Lycra dresses from Morgan and TopShop. Now, as a 47-year-old mum-of-two, I was having an identity crisis and didn't really know what to wear.
Celebrity inspiration
Then I remembered seeing a picture Fearne Cotton, 44, had posted earlier this year, looking fabulous in a tiny blue mermaid shell dress. She looked lit up; she was having a ball - exactly how I had felt in Annie's. I sent the picture to my friend, and she just said: "Do it". So, I went on Vinted, found the dress and to the horror of my kids, packed it.
© InstagramI spent weeks thinking, 'I can't wear this', but slipping the dress on brought a smile to my face. It was fun and silly, and it made me want to party. I went to DC-10 and danced until 4am with total strangers complimenting me - despite the dress code being mostly black. I didn't think about my legs once after leaving the hotel; I was too busy having a good time. The next day, I was feeling galvanised, and when we headed to Atzaro Beach Club for paella before sunset, I tried out another mini dress. And do you know what, looking back at pictures - my legs don't look bad - and let's be honest, they are never going to look this young again!
It made me think, why should we stop the things we love because we are getting older? Why does growing up and having responsibility mean we have to forget who we were or stop the fun we once had?
After Jess died, it put a lot of things into perspective for me. At the top is to live life a bit more, lean into the things that make me feel good, and in the words of self-help guru Mel Robbins, if someone else wants to judge me for wearing a silly dress - let them.
