When it comes to dividing up the load in a relationship, more women than not fall guilty of handing over responsibility of the family finances to their other half.
Often pushing one thing off your plate to your partner and letting them sort out the bills feels a sensible thing to do when there are so many expectations on our time; holding a job down, looking after elderly parents or juggling kids and their school whatsapp demands.
But having watched friends and family deal with unexpected money problems from fall outs of relationships, death of their partner or unexpected redundancy, I realise that excuse serves nobody in the long run.
Not ‘taking ownership’ of her own financial situation was something Karen Millen OBE tells Ateh Jewel in this week’s Second Act podcast that she deeply regrets. Admittedly her case, was in the extreme; she made £100m from the sale of her fashion company but ended up losing everything - including her home of 20 years after not questioning the advice she was being given. But the overarching story can resonate with many women who have no idea where to start when it comes to managing their money.
“I should have taken more ownership over (my finances),” says the 65-year-old fashion designer. “I think until the age of 19, (when I started the business) I was always looked after by my parents.
“Then I left home and I met my partner who took care of that side of things. So I never really had to touch on it too much. I probably relied on him far too much - ‘You look after that side of things and we do all the other things’.
“I felt that that responsibility was on his shoulders more so I didn't acknowledge it, up until you separate, then suddenly you're out there having to make decisions.
“You've got to know your numbers, you've got to be in charge of them, but you've got to ask questions. I didn't - I was too frightened or embarrassed to ask questions or say, I don't understand. I think that was one of the hardest lessons - you've got to speak out and ask a question.”
Feeling embarrassed to ask the right questions is a common issue with women, says Hannah Mayfield, a qualified financial adviser and founder of What is Wealth, a financial education platform.
The problem has nothing to do with being smart, Hannah says, but the societal factors and language used around women and money that have held us back from having the confidence to get a grasp of our own financial wellbeing.
© Hannah Mayfield“Leaving your finances for your partner to deal with is probably one of those things that is fine until it's not,” Hannah says. “When something happens, like divorce or death or someone loses a job and you don't know what's been going on, things could have got into a bad position and you've not really realised.
“Women generally say to me 'I have never been taught about how to manage my money' and generally find it quite intimidating to talk about it, even though they are perfectly capable smart women. Money is one of those areas that sometimes women don't want to engage with.
“It feels very intimidating. We are not taught it at school and it’s socialisation as well. Men are traditionally known to be the providers, be the people working. It's more socially acceptable for them to want to more money and talk about growth, whereas for women there's a lot of studies on this with the language being more around budgeting and being sensible. So it's constantly perpetuated.
“But we need to ask the right questions. I think especially women, they're always like, oh, ‘silly question, but..’ and that’s not a silly question, actually it’s very intelligent to be asking about something you don't understand. It’s proving that you're in the process of understanding it. Language is everything.”
When it comes to having a level playing field with your partner there are few tips Hannah suggests you should take on board early doors.
Start Talking
“I think having open conversations together about 'what are our goals', 'what are our priorities', 'where do we want to be'? Because a lot of life decisions are financial decisions in a way, having children, having a wedding, how much do we spend on this? And one of the biggest causes that are always cited as reasons for divorce is money.
“So I think if you go into a relationship being able to have quite open, honest conversations, it's going to put you on a really good footing.”
There are some people Hannah says that money holds no interest for them. But again there is no excuse. “I get it, it’s boring,” she says. “But I think there is a minimum standard of knowledge that you need to have. Okay, we use this bank account, we've got this amount in it, this is how my life would look if we did split up, or what if one of us loses a job, or if we can't work, or someone dies?
“I think there's a difference between zero engagement and just always having a kind of top level overview of everything that feels like you've got a bit more control over your life.”
It’s never too early to start asking the questions and become more financially savvy and there is so much advice on the internet from people like Hannah and other websites such as Female Invest that you can start educating yourself today. We owe it to ourselves to take ownership as Karen Millen says, and have a positive experience around money, rather than facing potential heartache in the long run.
