A few days ago Bethenny Frankel - OG star of the The Real Housewives of New York - appeared at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit runway show in Miami. Wearing a tiny, black, cutout bikini, she shared the runway with stars like Lizzo and Maura Higgins.
She later hit back at haters criticising her age and body (she’s 55) and said, "The one comfort I take is that the haters stay longer. They’re obsessed. They’re just miserable with their own lives."
Apparently comments were chiefly around her age - and the fact that she wasn’t acting ‘age appropriate.’ And some were just straight up body-hatred i.e. ‘your ass is jello.’
© Getty Images for Sports IllustratedBethenny looked incredible. She looked like she was living her best life too. You know how social media works, you watch one clip, and suddenly you are served non-stop re-runs of the same thing, so I must have watched her stride down that runway 1 million times. I’d just returned from holiday in Greece. I definitely didn’t think that she had anything wrong with her ass. Or that she was too old to be wearing a skimpy bikini. What I did think was ‘good for you, Bethenny, but bikinis are not for me.’
I don’t object to women in their 50s wearing bikinis, because why the heck shouldn’t they? I think most celebrity midlife women accept that they can never win. They are either looking too young or too old or behaving inappropriately or are boring and washed up. So I like seeing someone doing what they want, and shrugging off the commentary.
I will always, and I MEAN ALWAYS, however, be wearing a support swimsuit and kaftan when on the beach or anywhere near a body of water. This is where I part ways with Bethenny. The reason is simple. I love some of that lovely support. Like a Lycra hug. Feeling like I can stand up straight because my swimsuit has got my back. I love being able to switch off and not think about how my body looks too. I like to channel the late, great, Elizabeth Taylor who was definitely a fan of kaftans.
A kaftan makes me feel more put together and less…naked. A kaftan speaks of old Hollywood. It says that you’re like Jennifer Coolidge in White Lotus. You’re prepared for a party but also OK with just lounging and some cocktails. You hopefully won’t drown. There’s life in the old gal yet, kids!
A couple of years ago I went on holiday to Marrakech, and stayed with a friend, I would describe her as a bit of a style icon. She’s a successful author. She’s 60. She wears a fair bit of jewellery. People stare because she looks amazing. She knows her own style, and that style involves wearing an Afghan coat to pick you up at the airport. She smokes cigarettes now and then, and would never be seen with a menthol vape. She is also a big fan of kaftans, and this was where my obsession started.
To be clear I’d never worn bikinis anyway. I don’t like any underwear that disappears up my ass, jello-shape or otherwise. I like to feel like my body is being hugged. I have never worn thongs either, even when everyone else was in the late 90s. I like the kaftan thing because it isn’t about the male gaze either. In fact I suspect many men don’t like them and think you look like you’re sporting a nightie. That’s fine with me too, guys.
And the kaftan is so versatile as you can ACTUALLY SLEEP IN IT TOO! I probably bought my first ‘supportive’ swimsuit in my 20s which sounds young, but I was also an early adopter of Spanx and tights that promised to keep your tummy under control. On this most recent holiday I didn’t swim in my kaftan (I have been known to do this - I have one that is completely see through, but it covers my shoulders and stops them burning). I did, however, slip it over my head when I went to buy ice creams. When I went to grab a beer. When I chased my youngest in the waves.
I am sure if I was a celebrity and was being papped, some random guy called Jeff would say that I was ‘covering something up' or ‘embarrassed about my giant thighs.’ The truth is that I just feel more comfortable not revealing all. I wore thick black tights at school for the same reason. In fact I once wore thick black tights in Bangkok to a nightclub with a group of work colleagues. OK, that was a bit excessive, perhaps I regretted it because of the severe heat stroke I suffered (but that might have been the pineapple punch bowl that I drank solo thinking it was lemonade).
I just like to feel contained. I get excited by shapewear too for the same reason. I have done this as a size 12 and now I’m a size 16, I am exactly the same. I’m currently on Mounjaro and a friend recently said to me, "Aren’t you looking forward to wearing a bikini?". And I thought about it and immediately replied, "HELL NO!". I have no plans to wear bikinis. I am not a bikini girl like Bethenny. I don’t wear lip gloss either. Or wear tiny shorts. I don’t get my hair blow dried. I don’t like to drink red wine. The older I get the more things I know about myself. This is my style (I also like to wear a giant straw hat and massive sunglasses - it’s an Elizabeth Taylor vibe again).
© James Macari/ Sports IllustratedThe thing is that there’s no right or wrong way to age. There are women who love a tiny bikini. There are women who love to go topless. Some like to have so much support that their costume stands up in the middle of the room when they wrestle it off at the end of the day. There are others who wear kaftans and imagine they’re married to screen legend Richard Burton.
Women will be criticised whatever they do. Women who are older even more so. You are either too eccentric or promiscuous or frigid or grumpy or unhinged or overweight or skinny. Take your pick. Once you realise there will always be those with strong opinions about your choices, you can do what you want. That was what I enjoyed about watching Bethenny. It was a woman having a good time. A woman who knew her own mind.
My message to all of you thinking about summer and what you might wear? Wear what you want. Channel who you want. For some of us that will be old Hollywood. For others it might be 90s Baywatch. If you can’t be who you want to be in your 50s, then when? There is no right or wrong way to look on the beach, as long as you feel good and it doesn’t hurt anyone. And if you’re interested there are some terrific kaftans on Vinted. Though I won’t be selling mine anytime soon.
