"I often think it just wasn't meant for me to have kids so everybody's kids can be mine."
Dolly Parton will be remembered for many things, her amazing musical ability, her wit and humour, her style, but for me I’ll also remember her as a positive force for showing maternal love isn’t limited to mothers.
As a 46-year-old woman without children (and a huge Dolly fan) I know only too well that a lot of people think that if you get to midlife without having kids you must be some kind of child-hater. For lots of us who aren’t mothers that couldn’t be further from the truth and whether we don’t have children by choice, circumstance or through infertility we can still embrace maternal feelings and care. Dolly was the very best example of that.
© Jo HoareWhen she married Carl Dean in 1966, Dolly thought children would quickly follow: “We just assumed we would have kids. We weren’t doing anything to stop it,” she said, but it didn’t happen: “I couldn’t have children, I tried to for years. We talked about it, and we dreamed it, but it wasn’t meant to be.”
© DollyParton.comInstead, Dolly found other places to put her maternal love, from helping to raise her younger siblings and becoming ‘Aunt Granny’ to generations of nieces and nephews, to being godmother to Miley Cyrus and putting hundreds of millions of books into the hands of children around the world.
Here are the ways Dolly showed us you don’t need someone to call you Mum to make a difference to the generations coming behind you.
1. The Imagination Library
“That’s one of the things I’m proudest of, of anything I’ve ever done.”
In 1995 Dolly launched the Imagination Library, inspired by her father Lee, who had never learned to read or write. What started with Dolly sending free books to preschool children in her home county of Sevier County, Tennessee, has since grown into a programme spanning five countries, including here in the UK. Bringing it even closer to home, children in my own London borough of Lewisham have benefited too.
© Getty ImagesRegistered children receive a free book through the post every month from birth until they turn five. Today, more than three million children receive a book every month and more than 300 million books have been gifted in total. Dolly said her dad loved hearing children call her “the Book Lady” and considered the programme one of her proudest achievements.
2. Puppy love
“I love animals. I’ve got all kinds, and of course, I’ve always had little dogs around, and big ones!”
Her nurturing streak wasn’t just reserved for people. A lifelong animal lover, Dolly supported animal rescue and conservation, with Dollywood being home for 35 years to Eagle Mountain Sanctuary. In 2022 she also launched her wonderfully named Doggy Parton range of pet clothes and accessories, with a portion of the proceeds going to Tennessee’s Willa B. Farms Animal Rescue.
© Disney3. Keeping it in the family
“My husband and I had to raise five of my younger brothers and sisters. They lived with us. We sent them to school.”
One of 12 children, Dolly was used to looking after her younger siblings long before she became famous. And that didn't stop when she left Tennessee. She and Carl helped raise five of her younger brothers and sisters, who lived with the couple. When those siblings grew up and had children themselves, they joked that Dolly and Carl were more like grandparents than an aunt and uncle. Dolly was known to them as “Aunt Granny” and Carl “Uncle Peepaw” and later GeeGee or great granny.
Fittingly, it was one of her nephews Bryan Seaver who announced thenews of her death to the world.
© Getty Images4. Fairy godmother
“I really couldn’t be closer to her if she was my own child.”
Dolly became Miley Cyrus’s godmother after becoming friends with Billy Ray when they worked together. She appeared as “Aunt Dolly” in Hannah Montana, performed with Miley and remained a close source of support throughout Miley’s career. Miley has described Dolly as a mother figure and mentor, while Dolly's approach was never about telling her goddaughter what to do, joking that “nobody gives Miley advice.”
© Getty Images5. A life that wasn't lacking
“I would have been a great mother, I think. I would probably have given up everything else.”
Dolly never pretended she hadn't once imagined being a mum, but neither did she spend her life thinking it was less because she didn’t.
© Getty ImagesInstead she took the view her life had taken a different route. She recognised that the freedom she had without children allowed her to build her incredible career and, in turn, that enabled her to do things that benefited millions of other people's children.
6. An industry mentor
“I’m Aunt Dolly, I’m like that mother figure."
As she became one of the elder stateswomen of country music, she supported the generations of female artists coming up behind her, encouraging younger women and letting them know when she thought they were doing well.
© Getty Images“I’m the one that’s older now to kind of look down on the kids and say, ‘OK, come on, you can do it and you’re doing great. I’m proud of you,’” she said. She also took her mentor skills to TV, appearing as a guest mentor on American Idol and The Voice admitting she found it tough to be hard on the contestants: “I couldn't go on and criticise somebody else's singing” she explained.
