What is toxic positivity? Experts break down the impact of feeling 'unheard'

Dr Sheena Kumar confirms that toxic positivity is not a clinical or scientific term but a popular culture term. "That being said, what the term describes is discussed in psychology research. If someone is struggling and is told, 'Just think positively,' that is emotional invalidation. If someone is acting happy to meet social expectations, that, in psychological terms, is emotional labour, and both of these examples [exemplify] toxic positivity," she says.

"In definition, toxic positivity is when positivity is pushed at the wrong time or in a way that shuts down emotional experience. The positivity becomes a requirement instead of support. It is not the positivity itself that is the problem, but people can end up feeling unheard or dismissed.

"Research in emotion science shows that when we suppress or deny emotions, our stress response system becomes more activated. Thus, pushing emotions away doesn't make them disappear; it often intensifies them, and can even increase symptoms of anxiety and depression over time."

Aron Jameson says that positive toxicity in others and in yourself can look very different, but can be equally damaging. "When looking at others, it often identifies itself through an individual minimising or even diminishing your feelings of sadness or frustration through simple 'brushing off' phrases such as 'everything happens for a reason'. 

"Someone not choosing to acknowledge your current emotional state for the reason that it is negative is a key sign of toxic positivity and can affect your mindset by stirring feelings of guilt or shame for having those particular emotions or finding yourself in that state of feeling," he adds. "You can always recognise patterns of toxic positivity in people by those who only invite 'good vibes', and never seem to deal with internal conflict, those who prefer to 'keep busy' in order to cope and suppress any sadness or negativity.

"Toxic positivity often rears its head within ourselves if we meet negative emotions with shame or guilt; these are key emotions that could be an underpinning a foundation of toxic positivity. Feeling ashamed that you are sad or angry about a particular situation, which results in 'downplaying' your emotions or using cliches such as 'it could be worse' or 'there are worse off people', is suppressing a natural reaction and could be harmful in the long run."

Dr Sheena says that it often is not intentional or coming from a bad place, but can stem from someone's lack of experience with emotions. "Many of us were raised to think that emotions were weak, and so we do not know how to experience and manage our emotions," she highlights. The psychologist says toxic positivity can come from:

• Discomfort with emotional pain
• Fear of being seen as negative
• Learned family pattern of avoiding feelings
• Wanting to look strong all the time

Dr Sheena says you can gently redirect the conversation to emotions, not solutions. "That can look like naming your feelings and setting the tone by saying, 'Can you listen and not give solutions?' When we name our emotional needs clearly, we give the other person a path to show up more compassionately.

"If they can't manage this, it is okay to protect your emotional space and say, 'I appreciate you trying to help, but I am going to think about it or deal with it later. Let's do something else'. Research shows that emotional validation, the experience of having our feelings acknowledged and understood, is linked to stronger relationships, better coping, and improved mental health outcomes. When we allow ourselves and others to feel our feelings, including joy, sadness, frustration, fear, and grief, we create psychological safety. And from that place, genuine hope and resilience can grow."