Christmas is fast approaching, and while kids around the world are excitedly writing their letters to Santa and counting down the sleeps until the big day, others may be showing signs that their belief in Father Christmas is beginning to wane. But how do you broach the topic with your children, and when should you be honest about Santa?
As a mum to a very perceptive five-year-old who already surprises me with endless questions about how Father Christmas gets around the world in one night, this is a topic I've been thinking about already, and I don't always know how to answer on the spot.
To help, I reached out to Lesley Lasker, a Parent Education Specialist and founder and clinical director of Lasker & Associates, a Therapy Collective, to share all the details on what age to tell children that Santa isn't real, and how to explain it to them gently without ruining the magic of Christmas.
© GettyWhen do children usually stop believing in Santa?
The age at which children begin to question Santa can vary a lot, for many reasons, as Lesley explains: "Children all reach the developmental milestone of deciphering between reality and fantasy at different ages depending on their maturity, sibling order and social circumstances. Typically, the shift happens between seven to ten years of age. Some children may not want to lose the magic (or presents), so they choose to believe longer intentionally."
How to know when your child is ready for the Santa conversation?
There may be a few signs that your child is ready to learn the truth about Santa, including asking lots of questions about his magic. "It is important for parents to watch for signs that their child is developmentally ready to hear the truth and reality of Santa. Other children in the family or schoolmates may say things that cause your child to question what they know about Santa," Lesley says.
"You will know that your child is ready for the conversation when you begin to hear questions repeatedly and with genuine curiosity. They may ask how Santa and the reindeer are able to fly, how Santa gets down the chimney or is able to reach homes around the world in just one night. This is likely the time to have the conversation. We want our children to know that we will always tell them the truth. This builds a foundation of trust."
How to tell your child Santa isn't real - expert-approved tips
You may have already recognised that it's time for 'the talk', but how exactly should you go about explaining the truth to your child? These are the five tips to consider, according to the parenting specialist.
- Start with questions about what your child already knows. This will let you know what information your child already has and, more importantly, what they really want to know.
- Let your child know that Santa is a story that we like to believe in because he brings joy and generosity into our lives.
- It is important to let children know that different families have different beliefs and that honouring the traditions that other families choose to celebrate is an important value.
- Share with your child who in their circle knows the truth about Santa and who it is ok to talk to about the realities of the Christmas magic. Impress upon them not to spoil the magic for younger family members or friends who still choose to believe in Santa.
- Make sure that your child knows that even though they no longer believe in Santa, they will still receive Christmas gifts and share in all of the holiday joy and traditions.
© Getty ImagesHow to handle their reaction
Children will all react differently, and Lesley says it's important to "validate and normalise" their feelings. "Some children will experience sadness over learning the truth about Santa. It is important to validate and normalise those feelings. You can say, 'Lots of kids feel this exact way when they learn that Santa isn't real. It is ok to feel sad learning that something you have believed in for so long is not real'. Let your child know that you are okay with their feelings and they can come to you with all feelings, all the time," she says.
Keeping the magic of Christmas alive after the reveal
You may be worried that telling your child the truth about Santa will put an end to the magic and excitement of Christmas, but it doesn't have to be this way. Thinking about new ways to include them in the celebrations and traditions can help ease the transition, according to the parenting specialist.
"There are many ways to let your child know that they can still be a part of the Christmas magic as a bigger child. They are now in on the secret and can keep the magic alive for the younger children in their lives. Enlist their ideas of special ways to bring Santa's joy to kids who still believe in Santa," Lesley says.
"Assign your child the task of placing the gifts from Santa in the special place where Santa left their gifts. Include your child in the traditional ways that you portrayed Santa for them while they believed. Let your child be creative and involved in creating the magic of Santa for others. This will help your child launch into the next developmental phase with confidence and a sense of belonging. It helps them feel big and grown up while still keeping ties to the holiday that they love so much."
