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black and white photos of two women on their wedding days© Getty

I was worried I'd be 'damaged goods' post-divorce

HELLO's Second Act columnist Rosie Green related to Poppy Delevingne's divorce concerns

By: Rosie Green
September 13, 2024
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"Nobody is going to want you." That's the thought that troubled model Poppy Delevingne when she split from her husband James Cook.

Speaking on the Origins with Cush Jumbo podcast, Poppy said her marriage "probably should have ended earlier than it did" and that "one of the reasons why it didn’t is because of that stigma."

Ahh stigma. Official definition? "A mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person."

Poppy Delevingne looking over her shoulder on her wedding day© Getty
Poppy Delevingne said she stayed married for fear of judgement

The end of a marriage certainly throws up feelings of shame and embarrassment. When my marriage imploded after fifteen years, there were moments when I felt judged.

Most often it was at formal occasions where a plus one is de rigueur and I felt sad and a little pathetic when I turned up alone.

In a society that prizes marriage as a social success, it can make you feel less than when you 'fail' to maintain it. As women we often blame ourselves. 

We internalise the story that we must have been not kind enough, attractive enough, smart enough or giving enough to keep our partner happy. 

Black and white photo of a woman on her wedding day
Rosie Green on her wedding day

To compound this feeling I only had to look at the comments under the newspaper pieces I wrote on my break up. Amongst the hundreds of supportive messages, there were always a few suggesting (in a not very polite way) that it was indeed my fault because I was too focused on myself, too focused on my kids, too focused on my career.

 MORE SECOND ACT: Am I too old to call my partner my 'boyfriend' at 50? 

Like Poppy, I was worried no man would want me after divorce. My husband had left me and so I assumed other men would think that he must have had his reasons and would thus avoid me like the plague.

I imagined them thinking, "Perhaps she leaves her toenail clippings by the bath," or takes four hours to get ready or buys half of Harrods on a weekly basis.

Then it's just a bit embarrassing that you had a big wedding and made a showy point of how in love you are and then wham, it's all over.

Rosie Green smiling in jeans and jumper
Rosie Green worried how she'd be judged after divorce

Did all those people think we were lying and fabricated the whole thing to get a Dualit toaster and a Kitchen Aid mixer. (Hmm, that's a point, do I need to return said items?).

This must have been worse for Poppy whose lavish nuptials involved two venues and Chanel couture.

Poppy seems to have made peace with it all. She's good friends with her ex and says, "There is a lot of love and respect there. It just no longer worked for us."

And that, I think is the answer. You need to control your internal and external narrative. If you feel shame and stigma around being divorced then you will project that, and in response, people will regard you as tainted by it in some way. 

MORE FROM ROSIE: Have JLo and Ben Affleck proved that being madly in love isn't always the best thing? 

If you are sanguine and present the end outcome positively then others will view the situation, and you, the same way. 

I'll leave you with Poppy's words. "You have to have courage. You've got to love yourself, put yourself first, and you've got to be happy. We have one shot at life."

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HELLO! originally launched its Second Act hub to reframe midlife and beyond as a celebratory, exciting new chapter full of endless possibilities. From inspirational tales of women who refuse to fade into the background,  to valuable advice on navigating relationships, finances and health issues  – we've featured them all. And such has been the overwhelmingly positive response from readers, we are now turning the hub into a FULL and FREE community where women like you can come together to shape something truly inspiring.

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