The gulf between expectation and reality is rarely wider than on Valentine's Day.
Whilst we are bombarded with images of celebrities flashing diamonds and being blessed with exquisite blooms, most of us are looking at a supermarket meal deal dinner and some tight mouthed roses in cellophane wrapping.
If the internet is to be believed (questionable), Marc Anthony gave JLo an island one Valentine's Day (tropical not kitchen). David Beckham bought Victoria a vineyard one year and a Bvlgari necklace another. Oh, and Katy Perry got Russell Brand a lilac Bentley. All of which makes Angelina's gift of an olive tree to Brad Pitt at circa £15k look cheap.*
© InstagramFunny, even though many of us don't aspire to the A-lister's mega mansions and private jets, there is something about Valentine's Day that means us mortals want what they are having. We also want class.
A recent You Gov poll says one in four of us will be disappointed with our partner's efforts. I'm surprised it's as low as that. We want flowers from a florist, cottage-y in feel. Cards that declare eternal love, not jokes such as: "Of all the weird s*** I’ve found online, you are my favourite."
We wish for a meal cooked by someone else. Not them or you. Because if they do it will involve sausages and you doing the washing up.
To be fair to my ex-husband (and I like to be occasionally) he was good about Valentine's Day. A dozen red roses would show up without fail. And he would normally book a table for dinner - though we would have to be the early sitting as there was rugby practice he needed to get to at 8pm.
© InstagramMy current boyfriend is even better. He is thoughtful and sends cards and chocolates, buys flowers and books dinner. What a keeper! But it hasn't all been smooth sailing.
A few years ago, he sent me a personalised card. Only instead of declaring his love for me, his prose was dedicated to Amelia.
ROSIE'S COLUMN: Am I too old to call my partner my 'boyfriend' at 50?
Don't panic! There was a plausible explanation. He had ordered a personalised card from Moonpig but when he entered my name into the box there was an error (user) and it defaulted to the standard name - which was Amelia.
The year before he ordered a dozen red roses from the internet. Joy! Only trouble was when they arrived, they were the teeniest tiny roses you have ever seen.
© Rosie GreenThe younger me might have been disappointed. Felt somehow slighted. But maybe it's all the self-reflection I've done, or perhaps I've just grown up. But now I'm grateful and appreciative.
I have adjusted my ridiculously high expectations and I've got better at communicating what I'd like more clearly. I.e. Please can we go out for dinner? And please can it not be a curry?
READ: Why JLo really should stay single for a while (by someone who also loves love)
Also, shock, I think about what he'd like too. What his love language is. I asked him a few weeks ago, "Which one of out of words, acts, gifts, time or touch would you like me to give?"
His response? "All of them."
*3 out of 4 couples are now divorced. Just saying.
