When model Marie Helvin received a breast cancer diagnosis ahead of her 70th birthday, her whole world was rocked. After shooting to fame in the 70s as a Vogue cover star, posing naked for her ex-husband photographer David Bailey and working with the likes of Yves Saint Laurent, Valentino and Versace, Marie's career was built on her body.
With this in mind, going through a mastectomy to remove her breasts wasn't the painful part of the process; it was what came next: the impact of the drugs and blow to her body confidence that affected her the most. However, in this week's Second Act podcast, the 73-year-old, who once dated Queen Camilla's late brother Mark Shand, reveals how she found the perfect pick-me-up - a steamy night of passion with a man she met in France.
"I was in a position where I met somebody in France, and I thought, 'I like this guy. I wonder, would it be worth it to see if this could go anywhere?' And I don't mean in a relationship, because I'm not looking for a relationship," says the former supermodel. "And it did happen, and I'm glad I chose him. I chose well because I was still sensitive about my breasts. I mean, I'll always be sensitive about it. It doesn't feel bad or anything, and it doesn't feel sensitive, but I'm sensitive because I'm aware of it. I've never seen him since. I've not heard from him since. And I don't think I will again. I think he was my gift. And I'm so grateful that he came because he made me treasure my body again."
© @elisabethhoffphotoMarie isn't alone in finding confidence from a one-off night of passion, as love and sex expert Dr. Tara explains: "One-night stands can sometimes have a bad reputation because it stems from the idea that it's always a mindless activity for external validation. However, when done mindfully and honestly, a one night stand can be fun, flirty, pleasurable and confidence boosting - especially in later life.
"This is because it focuses on attraction and pleasure, which could have been absent in that person's life for a long time, and it involves good communication and flirting skills in order to participate in a casual sexual encounter, which means when done right, you can show yourself that you've 'still got it.'"
One-night stands in later life
"Casual sex isn't just for young people," implores Dr. Tara. "It can be for anybody as long as it comes from an empowering position."
Dr. Tara says that before embarking on finding a one-night stand, we should first try sexual empowerment meditation. "This doesn't have to be right before sex, but doing it regularly can maintain your feelings of sexual agency, which is so important in enjoying casual sex.
"Second, take a pause and check in with yourself that you're doing this for pleasure and fun (and even human connection), but not trying to gain affection and build an actual relationship with the other person.
"Third, communicate openly about what gives you pleasure. Maybe you enjoy breast massage, spending time making out, or using a vibrator on your clitoris. This is your one-night stand, and pleasure and passion is usually at the forefront. Don't discount your own pleasure.
"Fourth, it goes without saying but have an honest conversation that you're looking for a short-term, good times, not a relationship. Honesty is hot. Fifth, make sure you use protection. Condoms are the best in one night stand scenarios. STIs are quite common in every demographic."
Confidence after cancer
There is another layer to Marie's experience, in that she was recovering from a mastectomy. "Breast cancer surgery can have a crushing effect on body image and self-esteem," says to Dr. Liz O’Riordan, who has twice been diagnosed with breast cancer. She emphasises that after you have been through such a life-changing ordeal, "what you look like naked is only a tiny part of your allure."
Once Marie had discovered her body confidence again, she reignited her modelling career with a lingerie shoot for Bluebella at 71. "For me, it was just another modelling job, so it wasn't daunting. What was daunting was the fact that I had had a mastectomy. They didn't know that I had it, and they had to wait for me to feel comfortable in my skin."
To maintain her incredible figure, Marie works out four times a week with a routine of 20 minutes on the rowing machine and treadmill, upper-body workouts and 130 crunches each session to keep a strong core. "I don't drink, I don't do drugs - I like the endorphin high that I get out of [working out]. And it's good for me mentally' my body is strong, I am strong, I can do this," she says.
While her body has changed in her second act, she has come to embrace what she sees in the mirror. "I think my body still looks good. It just looks different. It looks older, but that doesn't bother me. Having wrinkles, or the skin not being tight, doesn't really bother me."
She has sage advice for others coming to terms with their own body image as they age. "It's not just what you see, it's got to be what you feel. And at the end of the day, when I wash all of this away, I want to like who I see in the mirror.
"To like that person without everything, it takes a great deal of effort as you get older, because it comes from somewhere else. You have to like yourself, and you have to like what you see."
Listen to Marie on the Second Act podcast below...
