Is divorce contagious? It sounds dramatic, but the question isn’t as far-fetched as it seems. In fact, a major study by researchers at Harvard University, Brown University and the University of California found that people are around 75 per cent more likely to divorce if a close friend does — a pattern researchers refer to as “divorce clustering.”
For many women in midlife, this rings true on a lived level. One couple in the school WhatsApp group separates, then another. Before long, you realise several women in your wider circle are quietly navigating the slow unravelling of their marriages too.
The truth is, it’s not so much imitation, but awareness. When someone you know confronts the reality of a relationship no longer working, it can subtly shift what feels possible. It opens up new conversations, invites braver self-reflection, and gives permission to question dynamics that were once simply endured.
Divorce in midlife, whether chosen or forced, creates a ripple effect. It changes how women talk to one another and deepens connection. And it reshapes how they understand their relationships, their independence and their future options.
After coaching thousands of women around the world, this is a pattern I’ve seen time and time again — and here’s what I can tell you with absolute certainty.
© HeidiBarrollBrownPeeG n1. A friend’s divorce holds up a mirror — even if she didn’t choose it
When someone close to us goes through a separation, it naturally makes us reflect. If a friend summons the courage to leave, it can invite you to ask yourself the uncomfortable questions you’ve been avoiding. If that friend was blindsided, heartbroken, abandoned, or betrayed that can spark equally powerful introspection.
Women often tell me that a friend’s divorce made them quietly consider: Am I genuinely happy or just functioning?Am I in love or in limbo? Is this relationship healthy or simply familiar? Would I cope if this happened to me?
Watching a friend unravel emotionally after being left can also shine a light on things you’ve tolerated for too long. It’s not about coping, but clarity. Divorce cracks open conversations women have kept silent for years.
2. Divorce reduces taboo and makes change feel possible
For our parents’ generation, midlife divorce carried huge stigma. But today, seeing friends navigate it through tears, overwhelm, legal admin, practical chaos and eventually recovery, makes it far less frightening.
It also helps reduce guilt around children. Many parents fear the impact of divorce, but seeing others’ children dealing with it and coping well eases that pressure. In fact, I firmly believe divorce can teach children valuable life skills – from resilience and emotional regulation to problem solving and healthy boundary setting.
Some of the tried and tested age-appropriate techniques I share with my clients to help with their children range from changing their state with star jumps, putting on their favourite song, or talking things through with a trusted adult. Divorce doesn’t have to damage children; it can become a valuable life lesson in coping, adapting and growing.
3. Women share, men often don’t
Women are natural communicators – we talk, reflect and empathise. That openness means we often shape one another’s understanding of relationships in ways men typically don’t. When one woman speaks honestly about feeling unseen, lonely, criticised or controlled, it can illuminate patterns that others quietly recognise in their own marriages.
Common signs women spot in each other include: chipped away confidence, isolation from friends and family, repeated put downs, emotional disconnection, financial inequality, always “keeping the peace”.
And importantly these show up whether a woman chooses to leave or is left. Talking openly dissolves the myth that everyone else’s marriage is perfect.
HELLO!'s Second Act is a newsletter for women in midlife and beyond. It's completely free to sign up and is a one-stop-shop for advice and inspiration on the issues our Second Act community have told us matter most: health, relationships, travel, menopause, divorce, careers, finance and more.
4. Celebrity divorces and social media provide unexpected solidarity
We live in a media landscape where celebrity breakups are treated as cultural events, replayed across news cycles and social feeds. When high-profile women speak candidly about heartbreak, co-parenting or rebuilding their sense of self, it subtly reshapes our understanding of what separation can look like. What once felt private or even shameful starts to look legible and survivable for others.
Social media only deepens this effect. Once your algorithm picks up that you’re engaging with this topic, it opens the floodgates: breakup advice, emotional healing tools, co-parenting tips, red-flag education and empowerment content appear in quick succession. Over time, this steady exposure doesn’t just inform, it helps people feel more confident and supported as they make sense of their own relationships.
Clients often tell me, “I found my tribe on Instagram.” Whether they were left or they left, this visibility reassures women that healing is possible.
5. Divorce feels contagious because courage spreads
When one woman in a friendship group leaves, it can ignite courage in someone who has been silently suffering. When another woman survives heartbreak after being left, her resilience becomes a roadmap for others.
A client of mine, Jayne, leaned on her best friend Caley throughout her separation. Their girls’ nights out, honest conversations and laughter strengthened them both. But as Caley watched Jayne rebuild her identity, she began to see cracks in her own marriage she could no longer ignore. Eight months later, she made the painful but necessary decision to separate, not because divorce ‘spread’, but because clarity empowered her to face the truth.
One of the Breakup and Divorce Coaches from my training school also had a client, Priya, who stayed in a controlling marriage for years because she feared life as a single parent. Watching two close friends divorce gave her a blueprint of what life could look like. She realised leaving didn’t mean failing - it meant choosing safety and self-worth.
These are some of the patterns women often notice only after a friend opens up: You walk on eggshells to avoid conflict. Your confidence has slowly eroded over time. You minimise their behaviour (“It’s not that bad…”). You feel isolated or controlled. You stop sharing your feelings to “keep the peace”. You feel more anxious in the relationship than out of it. If you’re unsure, ask yourself: “Does this relationship make you feel stronger, calmer and more yourself…or smaller, anxious and unsure?”. Your nervous system usually knows before your mind does.
6. Divorce can also build community if you’re willing to reach out
Divorce can feel like the loneliest place in the world, particularly if it wasn’t your choice. Yet one of its most unexpected — and often most beautiful — outcomes is the way it can quietly draw women toward one another. These friendships rarely arrive loudly or all at once. They tend to begin in small, almost private ways: a book passed discreetly across a table, a recommendation offered in a low voice, a knowing look that says, I’ve been there too. Over time, those small gestures build trust, and trust becomes connection.
From there, community forms naturally. Women find each other in local “divorced mums” groups, through shared gym routines or walking friendships, in online support spaces, or through new connections made at school gates and in hobbies they’re finally making time for. What begins as shared vulnerability often grows into deep, sustaining friendship — the kind that holds you steady while life is being rebuilt.
One client said, “I was left… but I ended up with more support than I ever had in my marriage.” Connection is one of the greatest healers we have.
© HeidiBaRRollBrownSo… is divorce contagious?
Not exactly, no. Divorce doesn’t spread - but awareness does. Courage spreads. Honesty spreads. Healing spreads.
A friend’s divorce reminds women to examine their own happiness, question unhealthy dynamics, believe in new beginnings, trust their ability to rebuild and to know they’re not alone.
Midlife is a powerful moment of reflection. Women start asking who they want to be in the next chapter. Watching another woman walk that path gives other women the strength to pause, take a breath and finally ask “What do I truly want for my life?”.
"Screw You, Watch This! How To Recover From Toxic Relationships" by Sara Davison is available now. For advice on how to navigate breakup or divorce, listen to Sara’s podcast at visit and follow Sara on Instagram .
