Ben Fogle has opened up about the devastating loss of his stillborn son. The TV star revealed that the tragedy, which also saw him come close to losing his beloved Marina, was 'unbelievably painful'.
"I lost a son I never met and had to get to grips with the terror of losing Marina," he revealed to the Daily Mail. "It still gives me heart palpitations and panic attacks.
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Ben Fogle and his wife Marina
"And to have to name Willem retrospectively... It was just so unbelievably painful."
The couple lost their baby at 32 weeks in August of last year. Nearly a year on from the tragedy, the pair are clearly still coming to terms with their grief.
"Perhaps people find it hard to understand how losing a child before it has been born can affect you so deeply, but it really does," he said.
The couple have two children together
"It feels like something has been stolen from you. I mean, you see the scans and dream, don't you? You imagine what they are going to look like, you talk about names. So when that is gone it feels so desperately unfair."
Ben and Marina are planning to mark the anniversary with a private ceremony in an Oxfordshire church. Only the two of them and the priest who married them will be in attendance.
"We felt we should do something," Ben said.
Shortly after the news last year, Ben revealed that it was "a huge shock".
"I think we all assume that everything is going to be straightforward and will just go ahead as normal, but it was a huge shock in every sense," he told the Sun.
"And actually the bigger thing, which I haven't really spoken about, is I very nearly lost my wife. She very, very nearly died.
"For her to come within 20 minutes of dying was a huge bolt for me and was so terrifying I can't even explain."
The TV star described the thought of life without his wife as "unbearable" and added that the ordeal has brought them even closer together.
"You have to never forget to say 'I love you' every single day," he said. "Never forget to smile and be happy and seize opportunities. Too many people in life take one another for granted."
Ben, 40, and Marina married in 2006. They welcomed Ludo in 2009 followed by daughter Iona in 2011.