My 55-year-old hair has gone fine with age and frizzy in this chilly winter weather. It’s all making me feel rather down. Do you have any advice?
Mariella says:
Maturity may come with the gift of wisdom, but there are also many physical indignities that flourish in midlife. You mention your hair. To this I’d add unruly eyebrows, dry toenails and weird blemishes. It’s all adding insult to injury. When out and about I sometimes catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and recoil with surprise. What’s more, I’m writing this response on what must be the most miserable day of the year, with driving rain, icy wind both contributing to the sense of the world going to hell in a handcart. The days may be getting lighter, but even so, February is a month to get through, frizzy hair and all!
Go with the flow
My overall feeling about this time of year is that we should concede the extra layer of blubber, embrace comforting activities and remember that this too will pass. Look for what we’re now calling ‘glimmers’ – micro-moments of happiness; the smell of coffee, the smile of a friend, snowdrops peeking out of muddy ground, or a dog excitedly greeting you. In this way we can rewire our brains to be more generally positive – the more you do this the easier it gets. This is called the positivity effect and it’s a cheering cycle!
Remember nobody notices
I talk about this in my book, Cracking the Menopause, where professor of health psychology Jane Ogden reminds that however self-conscious you feel about a perceived ‘imperfection’, it’s unlikely that anyone else will even have clocked it. To this, I’d add, do you care? She recommends that you don’t compare yourself to others, and don’t focus on your hair (or tummy, or cellulite), but remind yourself about your lovely eyes, fab boobs or funny anecdotes.
That said…
When it comes to women and looks my absolute default is ‘you are enough’, but it has to be admitted that the physical changes that come with the years can be hard to face. After all, they are a reminder of ageing, and there’s a long way to go before we see this as being a positive! There are studies showing that feeling we’re having a bad hair day negatively affects confidence, stress, productivity and resilience!
© Getty ImagesGrooming costs
Equally, I am aware that we are submitting to a patriarchal beauty ideal; in the perfect world we ought to celebrate hair on our face and accept less on our heads. But we are not living in such an environment, and I do have a few recommendations that won’t break the bank. There’s an entire Philip Kingsley range called Density, which reduces shedding, and friends swear by the Osmo, Chämpo and Cornish Seaweed ranges for growth and volumizing.
Perhaps we need to reframe this month as one in which we give ourselves a gradual makeover, both inside and out, looking for positivity in life and gradually grooming a little bit week on week to emerge like fresh spring shoots in March, ready to face a new season. And choosing to do it for ourselves, not for other people or for a society that doesn’t celebrate us enough.
Whatever you decide to do, to paraphrase a great hair advert – you’re worth it.
