There was a time when a WhatsApp group chat was quite a novelty. You were perhaps added to one for a hen do, or a get together with friends.
It feels like the pandemic was where the line became truly blurred. Suddenly we went from WhatsApps with friends and related acquaintances, to groups with neighbours, or, as it was for my now husband and I, one for our block of flats.
Now WhatsApp groups have migrated to business and work, too. I am in groups with hundreds of people – some for business networking, others for local meet-ups where I now live in the Cotswolds.
I have begun to feel WhatsApp overwhelm in midlife, and I’m not alone. Comedian Aisling Bea, 42, has spoken about her hatred of WhatsApp groups, sharing on Paloma Faith's podcast about her annoyance at being added without being asked, and the feeling that you can't leave without causing a huge fuss - along with the scandal when someone braves it.
© Alan Chapman/Dave Benett/Getty IIt can feel difficult to leave a group chat for various reasons – but it can often be the best thing for not only your midlife mental health but also your precious time...
Common WhatsApp dilemmas - and how to handle them
You’re added to a new group you don't want to be part of
This happens with events (50th birthday fun! Anyone?!) but it can also happen with a work chat – for example being added to a group for a company away day that then lingers forever. Staying in the group while it’s needed is good form, but I would urge you to politely leave when the event is over. You can always say that’s what you’re doing – others will probably follow!
You want to mute the neighbourhood WhatsApp
Funny at first, but now filled with moans about traffic, lost parcels and arguments about bin day, the neighbourhood/street WhatsApp group is a time drain. This is a good one to mute, rather than quit – because you might need it yourself when your parcel goes missing or if you need a recommendation for a plumber. See also the school WhatsApp, sadly one you do need to be in for those important updates. Mute and consciously check at appropriate intervals rather than getting sucked into relentless notification hell.
You want to leave but fear you’ll look flouncy
We’ve all been there – wanting to bow out of a group where you’re not part of the discussions but feeling like you’ll look like a diva if you quit. It’s OK to duck out of one where you have been an active member but it’s no longer somewhere you want to hang out – think of it like trying to leave a table of women in the pub who have all started talking about something you don’t agree with. I’ve done a bit of digging, and and if you do leave, only the admin will see. Still, if you're worried, you could post something generic about downsizing your WhatsApp groups, and invite people to follow you on socials before you go…
You’re Elle Woods at that first study group in Legally Blonde
Finally, there’s some groups where it feels like you’re on the periphery in the school playground – you comment but don’t get many replies. My biggest advice here is be true to you. If the group doesn’t feel good for you emotionally, then choose a time to bow out. Because nobody wants to feel like they’re left out on day one of school – let alone in their 40s, 50s and beyond.
