If you live in a city, I'm likely having more sex than you. According to a new report by business consultant Perspectus Global, countryside dwellers have more of it than their urban counterparts.
Apparently, people who live in rural locations engage in such activities 11 times a month compared to city inhabitants eight. The Cotswolds population tops the er, pops, and partakes of carnal pleasure on average 15 times a month.
The influx of rich and glamorous showbiz types to the area must surely be a factor in the sex score. It's long been reported that the wealthy and the beautiful have more rumpy pumpy (larger disposable income, increased leisure time, higher self-worth). Just look at the TV show Rivals for proof. (I know it's based in "Rutshire" but we all know Jilly Cooper based that fabricated county on the Cotswolds).
© DisneyKate Moss resides there and she must surely up the mean average. Or perhaps it's new arrivals Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi finding time for copious coitus away from the pressures of Hollywood that are skewing the stats? And now Beckham has dropped, well everything, for that Boss advert and shown us exactly what Victoria sees in the bedroom, it would be criminal if they weren't at it nightly over Chipping Norton way.
But as someone who doesn't have a polo pony or a Georgian mansion, but does live in the sticks, here's why I think we are getting down to it more often.
1. The cold
In GCSE geography I learnt about the urban heat island effect in cities. All those other houses and flats around you keep your place warm. No such luck in the shires. With our old cottages and rattling windows, it is freezing from October to May. Sex is a very valid way to keep toasty.
2. Lack of choice
Bear with me on this. In a city, there are suitors everywhere. You can be paralysed by the sheer volume of available people. Slimmer pickings in the country narrows the focus. Plus, everyone looks better with country goggles on. A fairly bog-standard gym instructor becomes an adonis. I've seen this happen.
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3. Conducive environment
Verdant surroundings and a plethora of animal life make you more aware of those most basic of urges. Add to this nature's metaphors for the sexual act itself (gushing fountains, unfurling flowers, etc) and you've got the potential for loin stirrings.
4. Clothing
For the posh there are jodhpurs, but for the rest of us, there's just a more relaxed attitude to style. Nothing too uptight, laced or buckled up ergo less barriers to nakedness.
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5. The houses
Bigger living spaces so you can do it without worrying that the children can hear. Or the neighbours for that matter.
There is also more filth, but if I'm honest, I have seen this only literally (AKA mud). The report confirmed country dwellers were also more likely to get involved in role-play, have multiple sex toys and be into BDSM.
I have seen less of that (are you all doing it without me?) but then I have heard there's a Killing Kitten sex party coming to a mansion in Berkshire in the spring. Masks come off at ten. Such a shame that's my bedtime.
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