In shocking news, the biggest turn-off on a midlifer's dating profile isn't posing topless with a very large trout (not alluring, guys!) or using a Disney princess filter on your pictures (fooling no one, ladies). Nope, the number one dealbreaker is a lack of interest in travel.
According to new research by the over-50s dating site Ourtime, 68 per cent of romance-seeking midlifers say 'desire to travel' is a non-negotiable for a potential partner. And 37 per cent prioritise 'travel chemistry' over looks or even political compatibility. In fact, one in 10 won't match with someone if they haven't actively mentioned travel in their bio.
Hmm. I'm pretty sure I didn't include 'likes to travel' on my profile during my dating app era. I think I just assumed everyone likes to get away. And that saying so would be a performative, basic statement like I 'enjoy food' or 'think puppies are cute'
But then I remember my ex said (in marriage counselling) he wasn't that fussed about holidays. I didn't get to the bottom of why - maybe he thought them a ginormous waste of money or perhaps he just didn't want to go on them with me. His lack of vacation enthusiasm was an issue, as I believed they were about making memories and a chance to jump off the treadmill of everyday life once in a while.
I think we must acknowledge that some people just don't want to go on holiday. Truly, these humans exist. I see them (perhaps unfairly) as pipe and slippers types, content to calcify on the sofa, wearing questionable loungewear. To me, the desire to stick in your own postcode sounds unsexy - signalling a lack of drive, adventure, and oomph - but divorce counselling did teach me that different people have different views. Some like their home comforts and prefer to stay firmly in their comfort zone which is great for them but means we are not compatible.
Unhinged behaviour
I like to travel, but not so much that I would book a holiday with someone I'd only met online. The Ourtime research showed 29% of respondents would consider doing this, which I think is INSANITY. There was some guy I had a talking stage with (teen parlance) who was clearly unhinged and seriously wanted to go to Ibiza with me, having never met IRL. No. No. No.
I do get that in the early stages of messaging, chatting about the possibility of travelling together bonds you. It's acknowledging the possibility that this flirtation might develop into a more permanent relationship. But I quickly learnt that whilst this exchange delivers on dopamine, it is fairly meaningless. Also, travel means different things to different people and alongside the universal joys of sun, sea and lie ins, there are countless friction points too. Are you a hostels and hitchhiker type person? Or a happy camper? Maybe you veer more towards five-star hotels and Michelin restaurants? Do you like visiting ruins and museums? Or want to spend your days by the pool, drinking margaritas and tanning like a rotisserie chicken?
On reflection, I agree that travel compatibility is a big deal as it shows the kind of person you are. How you behave under pressure. What your attitude to money is. I think how early you get to the airport, if you pay extra for speedy boarding and whether you take your Tupperware to the breakfast buffet to create (a free) lunch later, says more about your psyche than your profile ever could.
I also get that there is a practical element too - your travel outlook shows the extent of your availability for a relationship. How much free time you have. Many Ourtime members no longer have childcare responsibilities, have more disposable income and may well be retired. They want someone who is as free as they are. All food for thought. Talking of which, be a dear and pop this croissant I’ve liberated from the breakfast buffet in your bag.