Meeting someone for the first time can be nerve-wracking, but adding the pressure of a date on top of that can send some people into an anxiety spiral that's hard to climb out of.
We are all just hoping for a smooth ride, good conversation, and that all-important spark, but sometimes that isn't the case. It is completely normal to experience nervous jitters at the beginning of a date.
Both parties want to make the perfect first impression, and that can lead to stiff conversation and the dreaded awkward small talk.
I know, from my own experience, there's nothing worse than dead air on a date, so I asked the experts to give me, and HELLO!'s readers, some tips and tricks to avoid umming and ahhing in front of a potential new partner.
How to keep a conversation going on a first date
First and foremost, it is important that you don't take on all the responsibility of trying to keep a conversation flowing for the entirety of the evening.
It is more than okay to let your date take the lead at certain points and to stay quiet, encouraging them to create conversation.
This way, you will get to know their personality type and alleviate some of the stress of making the other person feel comfortable at your own expense.
Relationship therapist Nia Williams, founder of relationship coaching service Miss Date Doctor, explained to HELLO!: "The best way to keep a conversation going on the first date is by keeping your date engaged with thoughtful, interesting questions that aren't rhetorical or are open-ended.
"Here are some things I would recommend so that the conversation flows with ease. You need to listen intently so that you get to know your date better and respond and acknowledge when necessary, and use the information your date tells you to ask some good, solid follow-up questions."
She continued: "I would also recommend what is known as the chameleon effect (mirroring). It is a very good way of gaining a good rapport. Mirror the gestures or words of your date specifically to show acknowledgement, attentiveness and comfort with your date.
"When you mirror your date, it must be subtle, respectful and grounded in genuine interest in your date."
Another idea is to pick a date activity with built in conversation starters like bowling or mini-golf. These types of activities naturally reduce silence if you're worried about awkward first encounters.
Questions to ask on a first date
While it is good to come prepared, you also don't want your conversation to feel too staged or set up in any way.
It should flow and feel natural, but it is no harm to have a couple of fail-safe backup prompts for when things go quiet.
Asking questions about personal goals and ambitions, and what they are looking for in a partner, is a good way to learn more about their personality, whilst also understanding their dating goals right from the beginning.
Nia recommended a list of questions that could help you out of any sticky silences and get your date talking. These include:
- "What is your favourite hobby?
- What is your happy place? What makes you the happiest?
- Where do you see yourself in 5 years' time? What's the most exciting thing you're working towards right now?
- What made you come on this date? What attracted you to me?
- What is your idea of the perfect partner? What do you require in a relationship?
- What is a major dealbreaker for you in a relationship, one thing you would never tolerate from a partner?
- What is the best event you have ever been to and why?"
First date topics to avoid
In the same way that there are a multitude of things to speak about when you are on a first date, there are also a lot of topics that are best avoided during the initial conversation with a prospective partner.
The last thing you need in this scenario is for someone to become offended by a line of questioning, which will shift the entire energy of the date and make the experience unenjoyable for all involved.
Anything too controversial should be left off the table, and while you can ask deep, personal questions to get to know one another, the first interaction should be light and fun for the most part.
Nia warned against speaking in too much detail about previous relationships and said: "Do not mention exes, you can discuss this in subsequent dates, not the first one."
She added: "Avoid negative stories or constant complaining, and don't ask any intrusive questions; remember, you barely know each other, so this might be seen as inappropriate.
"Do not make insensitive, rude or sexual jokes. Lead with politeness and respect only, and stay away from financial topics. This could create a wrong impression or make a person feel violated, as it is too early for financial disclosure or financial questioning.
"Stay away from discussion of body size or weight, political talk, and dark topics, for example, death, crime or even violence," the expert concluded.
Ultimately, dating should be fun, and if a date causes you too much stress or leaves you feeling drained, then it probably means that person is not for you.
Having conversations and getting to know new people is sometimes overwhelming, so be kind to yourself and take your time with it. Slow and steady is no bad thing when it comes to dating. It is all about you and the pace you are comfortable with.