When Dame Denise Lewis became seriously ill just before her 50th birthday party, it proved to be the catalyst for changing her life. The former athlete had been running on empty when she was rushed to the hospital with sepsis after issues with her gallbladder. The experience, she says, was a "red flag".
"I think it was a manifestation of stress," the 53-year-old recalls on HELLO!'s Second Act podcast. "It said: "Look after yourself. No one else is going to do this for you. You have to put yourself first. You have got to slow down. Start taking your mental and physical wellness seriously. You are not a machine, Denise.'"
In her first act, she won fame as an Olympic gold medal-winning heptathlete, before carving out a successful career as a broadcaster and becoming a mother to four children, with her youngest born when she was 46. Following her hospitalisation, however, she began to reassess what she wanted from the next stage of her life. A year later, she split from her husband of 17 years, music manager Steve Finan O'Connor.
Talking about this new chapter of her life, she tells host Ateh Jewel: "I just think there is a time where you feel like you've given so much, you are just like: 'OK, hold on, where am I? What do I want?'"
While their break-up happened two years ago, Denise announced she was single only days after tearing up the dancefloor at the HELLO! Second Act Power List event in November. The news came as a surprise to all but her very nearest and dearest. While she has kept the personal details private, in the podcast, she hinted at the factors that often come into play with the breakdown of long-term relationships.
© Rachel Louise Brown Studio"I would say that communication is everything throughout [a marriage] and making sure that your values are aligned. When you are starting to change in the marriage, and not checking in with the other person about how they're changing as well, I think that can be a massive problem. I think people who have probably done a better job than me would say that it's the acceptance of certain behaviours, knowing where your non-negotiables are and being able to communicate.
"I think if you haven’t found that time, or don't make that time to put your relationship back at the centre of everything, then it's hard. It’s really hard."
Ultimately, she says, for a long-term relationship to survive, it comes down to respect. "I think you've got to respect the individual not only for who they are, what they are, their values and their growth and evolution. And I think if you lose sight of that, it's game over, isn't it?"
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A midlife mantra
Denise has a new mantra, which she is taking into her next decade: "I am enough." She's embracing all the opportunities coming her way and this year posed for her first lingerie shoot for Coco De Mer.
"It was the most liberating thing I've done," she says. "I put those suspenders on for the first time in my life. I wanted to reframe what it means to be 50-plus. I wanted to show that being sensual is still so much part of being a woman of a certain age and that you should celebrate that. You still all have your own sex appeal for yourself. It speaks to who I am right now."
She continues: "I've gotten stronger through this decade. Even though I have had a lot of challenges. I feel like I've grown so much. And it makes me quite proud. I haven't gone away. I haven't shrunk. I've grown wings. I've expanded and I'm in a really good place."
