When it comes to dating, there's no hard and fast rule. What works for one couple may be a recipe for disaster for someone else; however, there is a new technique circulating online that promises to prevent broken hearts and messy situationships.
Meet the 3-3-3 rule, a viral hack invented to steer singletons away from unintentional dating that leads to disappointment and towards a romantic happy-ever-after ending.
The trend has taken over TikTok and centres around a three-stage personal check-in that gives dating a direction rather than an endless activity involving too much swiping.
You only have to open a social media app to understand the general feeling towards finding romantic love in this era - utterly hopeless - so could this method be the answer we've all been searching for, or just another fad? HELLO! asked the experts to help decode this new dating tool and tell us exactly how we should be using it.
What is the 3-3-3 rule?
Originating on the social media app TikTok, the viral trend encourages people who are actively dating to check in with themselves continuously and re-evaluate situations as they evolve in threes.
Essentially, it involves three checkpoints that are as follows:
- After three dates: This is the all-important "vibe" check, where you ask yourself if you have an initial spark with the person and genuinely enjoy spending time with them past a surface level
- After three weeks: At this point, it is time to check whether the connection is dependable and has any potential to blossom into something more by evaluating your date's consistency and how you feel about the connection
- After three months: Now it is time to get serious - think, 'Is this moving forward in a meaningful way?' or 'Am I just standing still?'
It is important to remember, however, that this framework is just an internal tool to help individuals date more intentionally and not get so swept up in the feelings of finding a new connection.
Dating and relationship expert, international matchmaker and relational psychotherapist with over ten years of experience, Sarah Louise Ryan, explained to HELLO!: "The 3-3-3 rule is a suggested rule of thumb of how to manage timeline expectations of a new romantic connection. The first three stands for three dates to decide if you are attracted to someone, three weeks to decide if there is chemistry for connection to grow and three months to decide if the connection has legs to build a committed relationship."
© Getty ImagesHow could the rule help you avoid messy situationships?
Ultimately, approaching dating with this framework in mind adds a sense of focused purpose to each interaction that could otherwise be missing. If you are continuously evaluating whether a connection serves you in the way you want it to, you will be less likely to accept traits or actions that don't suit your dating goals.
Sarah revealed: "You can use this rule to set hard rules for yourself if you are worried about wasting time and emotional connection with those who don’t want to commit. You can also use this rule to measure your dating journey against that of other singles using this framework."
However, she added a message of caution to her suggestions: "What this set of rules ignores is factors such as work, family commitments, pressures that are external to dating in someone's life or the busy diary of each person dating. On a relational level, it ignores the complexity of how two people connect and the hurdles they may have to overcome together to vibe with each other."
© Getty ImagesHow to use the rule effectively
Like most things in life, one size does not fit all. The same applies to the 3-3-3 rule, especially as it relates to something as personal as dating. The method exists to help turn dating into something more substantial amid the rise of frivolous messaging, ghosting and breadcrumbing on dating apps.
"Using this rule is helpful to streamline the process in your mind for dating, to gain control over the structure of courtship," Sarah began. She continued: "However, it should be used with a pinch of salt if there are external factors, such as the likes of long-distance dating or connecting, that might get in the way.
"In my expert opinion, slow but steady wins the race when paired with effective and transparent communication around ideal goals and wants for the future."
© Getty ImagesWhat have online users said about the rule?
As singletons on the internet look to each other for confirmation that struggling in the current dating era is not an isolated feeling, they shared their own experiences of the 3-3-3 rule.
One social media user said: "Exactly, I’ve been saying this for years… Finally someone’s getting it, and put it into words," while another added: "Wow, I'm stealing these rules forever!"
Praising the rule for helping her find clarity, a user revealed: "I became official with my fiancé after 3 dates - and engaged after 3 months. But it wasn’t fast - it was clear. Because when you’re dating intentionally, you’re not rushing; you’re discerning. The 3-3-3 rule became my rhythm for clarity."
