You may have heard the term "the 'ick'" used in relation to dating and relationships, and if you've experienced it with someone you've previously been happy with, the feeling may ring alarm bells about whether this partner is a good fit for you longer term.
Thankfully, getting the 'ick' doesn't necessarily have to be a deal-breaker for your relationship. According to Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist and relationship expert at Hily Dating App, it may be an indication to take a closer look at what may have caused the reaction and what it might be telling you, rather than a sign to break up with your partner.
© Getty ImagesWhat does it mean when you get the 'ick'?
Firstly, what things might give us the 'ick' and what does it mean? "The 'ick' is when you suddenly lose attraction to a potential romantic partner, to the point where you’re viscerally turned off. Usually, the 'ick' is tied to something that signals they won’t be a good partner, don’t share your values, and are misaligned to meet your needs," Dr. Romanoff explains.
The psychologist also says the feeling is rarely about the behaviour that seems to trigger it, but is likely linked to other bigger factors - sometimes including past relationship experiences.
"It's rarely the behaviour that signals the ick in a vacuum, rather the meaning that we make from that behaviour, and how it may relate to our past relational experiences, fears, and anxieties. Because of this grey area, the ick shouldn’t be a deal breaker; we should get more curious about what might be behind it."
What can you do about it?
So before you rush to cut ties with someone you're dating or break up with your partner, the psychologist suggests that you take some time to consider what feeling the 'ick' might be telling you, in case you are at risk of self-sabotaging a good relationship. "The first thing to do is notice when it’s happening. Trace your sudden shift in feelings towards the person to the specific behaviour or action that triggered the ick. This will help contain your reaction so you can slow down," she explains.
"It’s important to connect the dots between the ick and the associated value/misalignment/data about this person is worth ending the relationship over, or if you may instead be reactive to past trauma, pain, and anxieties about the future (all of which may cause you to self-sabotage a potentially good relationship)."
© Getty ImagesMeanwhile, it could be helpful to get a fresh perspective on the way you're feeling by talking it through with a trusted friend or family member. "A helpful way to process an ick is to get further perspective on it. This could be accomplished by further processing through writing, talking to a friend, parent, or therapist, to decide if you want to act on it, or push through to get to know the person better," the clinical psychologist shares.
How to get around the feeling of the 'ick'
Moving past the feeling depends on what might be causing you to feel the 'ick' in the first place, as Dr. Romanoff explains: "An ick usually either reveals an incompatibility between you and the person, or a wound that you’ve been carrying from the past. Your work is to determine the source of your ick, and if it’s worth ending the relationship over. The ick is going to be a dealbreaker when it feels like a gradual accumulative reminder of why the person isn’t right for you."
