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IN FULL: Graham Norton's HILARIOUS opening monologue at the TV BAFTAS

Andrea Caamano

Graham Norton was on hand to host the TV BAFTAS on Sunday, and one of the highlights of the night was his hilarious opening monologue. Here, you can read it in full:

Thank you first of all to all of you for joining us here this evening at the beautiful Royal Festival Hall for our annual celebration of the finest television this country has to offer.

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BAFTA TV red carpet arrivals - so much fun!

Honestly, so much great TV, isn’t there? I tell you, you all have been working harder than the air freshener at the Ecuadorian Embassy. That's hard, that is working very hard.

If you have tuned in to see the final episode of Line of Duty, I'm afraid you missed that, that was last week. But all you need to know is (makes the sign of crutching straws with his hands). It's not a spoiler, no one knows what it means. Clutching at straws?

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Everyone loved it, the interviews, they are incredible, a more forensically detailed interrogation of time, date and mobile phone data hasn't been seen since that time Seann Walsh got home late from Strictly practice. You snog one dancer!

Now, ladies and gentlemen, as we all know the country became officially divided this year after a controversial extension was granted to give more time. People were angry particularly as Rahul then went on to win Bake Off. Every week, after an error of judgment a baker gets kicked out. This week it was Danny. Literally, a show stopper.

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It felt like things really moved on this year. We now have a female host on Question Time, an all-female line up on News Night, it’s fantastic! Not only great for equality but it saves the BBC a fortune. Don't applaud that! Don't clap at that, Tess Daly! Full disclosure, by the way, a woman wrote that joke, I'm just reading these things aloud.

Television has continued to embrace the modern LGBTQ+ programmes such as Butterfly, Queer Eye and, the soon to come, Drag Race UK. Yeah, I know. Not to mention, Danny Dyer's brave decision to live simultaneously as a middle-aged man and a young woman.

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One of my favourite TV moments of the year was when Bez from the Happy Mondays went on Bargain Hunt. If you are watching Bezz, seriously, that did happen. You did do it.

And what about Killing Eve, ladies and gentlemen? Jodie Comer and Sandra Oh… ooh, have you ever seen such an enthralling love-hate rivalry played out between two actresses on television? Well, keep watching, because they can't both win tonight.

Hey, let's mention the Bros documentary. It really was must-see television. Now, a lot of people have argued about which one emerged with the most dignity. Well, I'd say on balance it’s probably the bassist, Craig, for trying to take part.

And Keeley Hawes from the Bodyguard is here, hello! I thought I should say hello now because she might not make the end of the show, or will she?

If you are going to do a speech tonight, if you are a winner, please be like David Budd in the Bodyguard and say as few words as possible.

Now, when it comes to awards shows, I have a mantra, it's one I use before sex. The sooner we start, the sooner we finish. So, let’s take a look at what a fantastic year we've had in TV.