Fearne Cotton has built a career on saying what many of us are thinking, so it was no surprise that she cut straight to the heart of modern burnout at a recent panel discussion with health supplement brand Blue Iron (the innovators behind a Nordic blueberry-infused liquid iron supplement) and why so many of us are trapped in what experts have dubbed ‘the age of exhaustion.’ What started as an unpicking of how society normalises chronic fatigue - and the low iron levels that act as a hallmark of modern burnout - unravelled into a wholly relatable excavation of how modern women fall into the ‘not good enough’ trap; one that ensnares even someone as seemingly accomplished as Fearne.
She spoke candidly about the relentless pressures of being a single mum while juggling a high-profile career, pushing through fatigue until a health scare prompted a total rethink. "We don't know how to be idle anymore," she shared. "In the 80s and 90s, there was space to daydream, look up, and connect. You don't need to know what the Kardashians are eating every day. Back in the 90s, I met a boyfriend on the Tube. That would never happen today because we never look up."
Here, she shares her definitive, commendably realistic wellness rules to live by.
Go easy on yourself
“I absolutely think we’re setting ourselves up for failure. Many of us are still working within a patriarchal framework that wasn’t designed for our biology yet we're pushing ourselves to without ever really stopping to ask why.
As a single mum I'm juggling a million different things. I'm not going to be able to work in the same way that a man might traditionally have been able to without giving a second thought to things like ‘have the kids got the right things for school?’. Of course there are anomalies and I’m not saying all men (hashtag) before that kicks off but generally it still holds. What it means is that many of us are pushing ourselves towards burnout while lacking in self-compassion and it’s something I see time and time again when we do Happy Place events and from the interaction we have with our audience on social media. So many women are incredibly hard on themselves.”
© PA Images via Getty ImagesStop chasing perfection
“How many times a day do we tell ourselves we’re not doing enough? ‘I'm a terrible mother, I’ve messed that up.’ It's constant. I don't think previous generations were constantly thinking they were terrible parents. This is a new language. If the kids were fed and had a roof over their heads they felt they were doing a good job. Now we're like, ‘I'll pick you up from this club, take you to the next one. What do you want for dinner, darling? Has it got enough green stuff in?’ Our parents didn't give a shit. We’re making everything so much harder for ourselves and assuming that we have to be nailing every area of parenting and work. No shit we always burn out and exhausted. At the same time many of us are raising children without the support networks previous generations had. And unless we can afford childcare, we're kind of screwed. So, the whole infrastructure has changed yet we’re expected to be everything and excel at everything without any support from anyone. It's madness.”
Don’t ignore your symptoms
“We’ve been talking about advocating for ourselves in terms of our health and not dismissing symptoms and I had a real life moment of this back in 2024 when I had a lump in my face that I’d actually known about for two years but kept putting off getting it checked because I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time. I eventually went to the doctor when it had grown to the size of a grape and it turned out to be a tumour on my salivary gland which was luckily benign but could have very easily turned malignant, and was wrapping around my facial nerve. Even before the operation I was thinking that I don’t have the time to factor in the recovery but looking back it was a huge wakeup call so I would urge everyone to take your health seriously and get yourself checked if something doesn’t feel right. Also, don't push yourself to that level of stress and burnout, because I believe that's how it started in the first place."
Give yourself permission to rest
“We're so used to self-flagellating that we’re not giving ourselves permission to rest. I’m the worst at taking my own advice to slow down and constantly find myself close to burn out but at least I can recognise it now. It doesn’t help that in my job, there is the fear that if you stop you’ll become irrelevant. I do have a certain sense of paranoia driving me as well as being deeply passionate about what I do – I’ve only ever known this world – and I can never quite get the balance.
I've certainly got better at pausing since I had my health scare. If the kids are at school or with my ex and I've got a day on my own, I will actually do nothing and I used to be allergic to that. I felt like I was failing and that there was something fundamentally wrong with taking that time for myself so I'm trying to unpick that. The world won't stop spinning, and for me it’s about knowing that I deserve rest. I often think, ‘There are other people doing harder jobs and working harder,' but who's that helping?”
© Alan Chapman/Dave Benett/Getty ISync with your cycle
“I find it absurd that we’re expected to just crack on as normal when we’re on our period. I've been lucky enough to interview elite athletes including some of the Lionesses who are playing World Cup matches while heavily on their period. Men do not have to deal with that, and it's no different for any of us, whether we’re working or not, but you're just meant to get up and get on with it no matter the pain, the discomfort, the paranoia and everything that comes with having a menstrual cycle. Also, when you're my age, everything is changing; it's intense one month and then it's not and we're still just expected to crack on. I do find that weird secrecy about periods deeply fascinating; we might whisper to our closest colleague or friend ‘I'm on my period. I feel like shit’ but it's still not something you would say out loud. We're still sticking tampons up our sleeve and shuffling to the loo with our hand stuck to our side. It's like, no! Wave it around! We should be shouting; ‘I'm on my period! I'm dealing with this right now.’ Periods affect everything; hormonally you’re all over the gaff, and physically you just feel pretty dreadful – we need to stop pushing ourselves and start acknowledging the impact it has on women’s lives.”
Therapy as self-care
“In terms of wellness practices, therapy is a total non-negotiable for me. I used to think I could dip in and out of it whenever I felt I was in crisis but over the last two years it’s become my biggest act of self-care. There’s been a big turning point of me telling myself that I deserve to go every Wednesday whether I’m feeling good or bad. I commit to it and make sure it’s immovable whatever I have going on and that has changed everything for me. I used to experience extreme panic attacks for a period of my life, and started thinking I had a panic disorder but with my therapist's help, there's been some vital unpicking of why I was feeling that anxiety and realising it was actually due to being very angry about certain things that were out of my control. It's about taking your feelings seriously and not dismissing them. We often minimise our struggles because other people have it worse but if you don’t allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling you’re never going to heal. That’s where self-compassion comes in.”
