How did you celebrate your last milestone birthday? Did you bury your head in the sand and ignore the new decade, or did you celebrate in style?
Flying down the ski slopes in a bikini was the outrageous way in which US comedian Chelsea Handler chose to celebrate her 50th birthday, telling HELLO! she wanted to go a little extra for her big birthday.
"Skiing is how I let my hair down. At first, I just took my pants off; then I took my top off. Then I was like: 'Oh, I don’t even need a top'."
© InstagramYet marking a milestone birthday in such outlandish style is not for everyone, as psychotherapist and author of The Uncomfortable Truth, Anna Mathur, points out.
Taking stock
"Milestone birthdays stir up more than just thoughts about age. They make us take stock. We reflect on the past decade and everything it has held - the gains, the losses, the relationships that have shifted and the dreams that quietly faded while we were busy surviving.
© Olivia Spencer"We are reminded of time passing, of how quickly life moves and that can bring up grief, gratitude and a sense of urgency (sometimes all at once)."
Feeling the pressure
"There is pressure too, not just from ourselves, but from others. People often project their own ideas of how we should celebrate, and those expectations do not always match what we actually, honestly want or need," Anna sympathisers
"Personality plays a big part in how we celebrate (introversion/extroversion). Some people love a big gathering and the attention that comes with it. Others feel more themselves in quieter settings with less people.
"You might prefer a walk with a friend, a small dinner, or a solo day to be reflective. All are equally valid ways to mark the day, even if you don't feel like marking it at all that year. There are no rules."
© Getty ImagesManaging expectations
It is important to celebrate in a way that aligns and feels right for you, even if that disappoints others, says Anna.
"Holding that boundary can be an act of self-respect. People are allowed to feel disappointed, and they are also capable of handling that disappointment.
"You are not responsible for managing other people's feelings about how you mark an age, at the expense of your own peace.
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"For those who struggle with self-esteem, it can feel uncomfortable to be celebrated. Receiving love and attention without brushing it off or shrinking away from it can be a quiet and powerful kind of growth."
Here are Anna's top tips for celebrating a milestone birthday…
How to celebrate a milestone birthday
1. Let yourself feel what you feel
You don't have to perform joy or pretend the day feels more exciting than it does. Milestones can be complicated. Mixed feelings are completely normal. You can feel grateful and unsettled at the same time. Turn to those who know and understand how complicated this may feel for you.
© Olivia Spencer2. Reflect honestly
Take a few minutes to journal or write down some feelings. Ask yourself what you are grieving, what you feel proud of, what you are carrying, and what you hope for in the year ahead. Giving space to your thoughts helps you meet the day more grounded.
3. Picture your ideal way to mark the day
Forget how others expect you to celebrate. What would feel most nourishing for you? A big party, a quiet dinner, a long walk, a day of rest? Honour that, even if it is different from what others hope for or expect you to do.
4. Practice receiving kindness
If someone compliments you, says they are proud of you, or wants to show you love or celebrate you, try to take a deep breath and say thank you without downplaying or dismissing it. Sometimes others see you and value you with more clarity than you do! You are allowed to be celebrated.
© Olivia Spencer5. Know that you are allowed to hold your boundaries
You can say no to a party. You can say yes to time alone. You can disappoint someone and still be a good person. Boundaries are not selfish, they are healthy.
6. Look ahead with compassion
Instead of focusing only on what has not happened yet, ask yourself what you want this next season of life to hold. Let the milestone be a gentle turning point rather than a harsh measuring stick to measure yourself against.
