Entering your empty nest era can be equal parts frightening and exhilarating. As a parent, for years, life has been an endless loop of school calendars, drop-offs and pick-ups, and trying to remember who likes what in their lunchboxes. Then, almost overnight, the whirlwind stops. Many couples look across the dinner table and realise they can't remember the last time they sat and really spent time with one another alone. It can feel off-balance and like your relationship has completely transformed from how it was before you had children. Sometimes it can even seem as though you don't know your spouse anymore. Navigating life after stay-at-home kids as a couple isn't all doom and gloom - HELLO! Asked the experts how to rediscover your spark in an empty house.
Why relationships shift when the kids leave home
When children move out of the home, the routines and roles that once structured your relationship as parents and partners suddenly evaporate. Without the daily rhythm of parenting to guide conversations and decisions, long-ignored differences or emotional gaps can bubble to the surface.
Couples may realise they’ve grown slightly apart or that they simply haven’t focused on each other properly in years. This shift isn’t a sign of failure or something more sinister, more often than not, it is a natural transition that highlights the need to reconnect and intentionally redefine the partnership for its next chapter.
Psychotherapeutic counsellor Andrea San Pedro-Lunn explained to HELLO!: "The empty-nest transition can feel like meeting your partner again after years of passing each other in the corridors of family life." She continued: "Suddenly there’s space and with it the realisation that there may be decades of unspoken needs between you. Many couples discover they’ve been co-parenting rather than co-relating, and the relentless juggle of work, school runs and household logistics has squeezed out emotional and often physical intimacy."
Rediscovering emotional intimacy
Rebuilding emotional intimacy starts with conversation. It is important to rebuild communication between yourselves that focus on more than just schedules and surface-level updates. These three questions can help couples reconnect, envision the next chapter of their lives together, and rediscover what makes their bond unique to them:
- What do you want the next decade of your life to look like?
- What parts of our connection do you miss?
- What new experiences excite you?
© Getty Images"Reconnection begins with curiosity: asking who your partner is now, what they long for, and how they’ve changed," Andrea expanded. "Small, regular rituals like a weekly walk, cooking together, reclaiming a part of the home, revisiting old spots and reliving past experiences in a life before children can help rebuild intimacy."
She added: "It can help remind you both of why you fell in love and built a family and home together in the first place. But If you find yourselves stuck in old patterns or conflict emerges, it’s a sign the relationship is ready for support. A therapist can help couples slow down, communicate vulnerably, and rediscover each other without the noise of family life."
Rebuilding intimacy in midlife
A quieter house forces many couples to discover a chance to reconnect in ways that feel deeper and more intentional. Midlife intimacy isn’t about trying to rewind the clock, it’s about meeting each other as the people you’ve since become.
Sofie Roos, a licensed relationship therapist and author at Passionerad, suggested: "When it comes to intimacy, which is also a very big part of re-finding the flame, I advise couples to think wide. Don’t only focus on physical intimacy, but also on emotional. Try to laugh a lot, talk about deep topics, share thoughts big and small, and try to get those small moments of physical touch into your life - a hand on the back when meeting in the kitchen, holding hands in the car or kissing before leaving for work."
She further advised: "Also don’t be afraid to talk about needs, boundaries and expectations, something that gives much better chances of being able to give each other what you need. So help one another to be a good partner!"
Lifestyle habits that support a stronger partnership
While the dynamic in the house changes around you, so too will your lifestyle and how you fill your free time. There are certain things you can start to do to ensure this lifestyle change is leading to a deeper connection with your partner, rather than moving further away from them. Simple routines and shifting priorities are actions that can walk you closer to a flourishing partnership that regains its spark.
As Sofie puts it: "Invest more energy and time into planning and doing small everyday things that’s just for you. Have dinners, go for walks, take a spontaneous small road trip or go to that concert together. And when doing these things, treat them as an important time where you actually put in energy and focus."
Re-imagining your shared purpose
Now that children aren't dictating every hour of your day, what does life look like moving forward? What do you both want to do with your time and what are your future goals as a couple rather than as a family? These are questions that need answers if you are to move forward in a successful partnership. This is the moment to explore what you want to create together, whether it’s travel, new traditions, or simply a slower, more mindful way of living without the chaos of child-rearing.
© Getty ImagesWhen to consider professional support
Even the strongest relationships can struggle to find their feet after the children move on and form lives of their own. If communication feels strained, resentment has built up, or intimacy seems out of reach, seeking professional help can be a powerful, life-altering step.
"If you find yourselves stuck in old patterns or conflict emerges, it’s a sign the relationship is ready for support. A therapist can help couples slow down, communicate vulnerably, and rediscover each other without the noise of family life," Andrea reassured any struggling couples.
Sofie agreed and added: "If you notice that you can’t find a new way in your relationship that feels exciting and passionate, or if you can’t communicate, then seek help early, because the earlier you reach out, the better chances of finding a way back to each other!"
