Growing up, we have all experienced slightly different types of parenting and have developed individual, unique ideas about how we would parent our own children one day, as a result.
When we meet a potential partner, the first conversations we have with them are not necessarily about child rearing, and the topic may never come up until a baby is staring up at you from a carrier waiting to be cared for and looked after.
By this point, a discussion about parenting styles is probably the last thing on the list of priorities as you both struggle to navigate feeding and changing nappies - that's why it is important to tackle the issue before it gets to this stage.
HELLO! is here to help. We've deep-dived into parenting styles and how to navigate the conversation with insights from experts so that you have all the information you need before having the chat.
What are the different types of parenting styles?
Whether you are aware of it or not, you are likely exhibiting one of four clearly defined parenting styles.
According to the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass), the four types of parenting are:
- Authoritative - parents who place firm expectations and rules on their children while holding them accountable for their own actions
- Permissive - parents who demonstrate warmth and emotional involvement with their children
- Authoritarian - parents who place limits on their children's behaviour to the point that they become restrictive
- Neglectful - parents who are disengaged and emotionally uninvolved with their children's lives
While there are clearly defined traits for each style, most parents will swap between them as different situations demand different response styles.
What worked for one scenario may not work for another, meaning that a shift in approach is necessary, and it may require you to adopt more traits of a parenting type that isn't your usual style.
Family wellbeing consultant, parent and teen coach Jenny Beckford told HELLO!: "Co-parenting isn’t about being the same; it’s about being aligned. Your child doesn’t need two versions of you; they need two people who have their best interests at heart.
"Honest, values-based conversations between co-parents can transform the dynamic. Share the emotional load: rotate roles, who handles discipline, just so one parent doesn't always present as the bad cop!"
© Getty ImagesCommon parenting disagreements - and how to navigate them
Naturally, when tensions are high and chaos is ensuing, conflict may arise between two parents as they try to defuse and navigate the situation in the best way possible.
Elsewhere, disagreements might be sparked by differing opinions on how best to deal with your children and what the most suitable approach may be.
Jenny explained: "I often see couples fall into a familiar dynamic: one parent becomes the 'rule-setter' and disciplinarian, while the other slips into the role of the 'fun' or more lenient parent.
"Over time, this imbalance can create:
- Resentment between co-parents
- Confusion for teens about boundaries
- Burnout for the parent who always plays the ‘bad cop'"
To help struggling parents who are finding it hard to make their way out of ongoing conflict, the expert added some suggestions to turn to when nothing else is working.
She said: "Both parents should define and agree on non-negotiables and on a few core boundaries that both parents will enforce consistently.
"Allowing a degree of flexibility in parenting style is important, for example, one parent may be a little more playful, the other more structured, which is fine, as long as the values underneath match."
© Getty ImagesHow to deal with different parenting styles in a blended family
Parenting children is already challenging enough, but when you add the dynamics that come with being in a blended family, things can become a lot more complex.
In these cases, there can be more people involved and more sets of parents that have to agree on approaches and maintain consistency as the child moves from home to home.
Emotions can run high in blended households, especially at the beginning, while children adjust to this new normal featuring a parent who was not their original dynamic.
Jenny advised: "Communication is key. Behind the scenes, keep communication open and have regular check-ins.
"These regular check-ins make sure you keep each other updated, as they prevent surprises and stop the children playing one parent against the other.
"Present a united front supporting each other, even if you do disagree, do it in private."
Defining a set of rules that must be followed and enforced across both households will become vital in maintaining stability and consistency in the children's world.
In doing this, splitting parenting responsibilities with your former partner will be less disruptive for your children as they know what the boundaries are, despite being in a different home.
Another thing to consider when thinking about how best to co-parent in blended families is involving the children in the rules and decision-making.
Depending on their age, it might be helpful to include older children in discussions about their upbringing, which can help develop a deeper sense of mutual respect.
How should you approach a conversation on parenting styles?
While it might be a tricky chat to have, talking about parenting styles will make things much easier in the long run and could help to avoid conflict in the future.
HCPC-registered senior education and child psychologist Dr Sasha Hall, suggested HELLO! readers try asking their partner the following questions to get the ball rolling before having a baby:
- "How were you parented, and what parts of that do you want to repeat or do differently?: Understanding each other’s upbringing is the foundation for recognising default patterns and triggers.
- Which parenting styles do you naturally relate to?: This can include traditional styles (authoritarian, authoritative, permissive) and more modern terms like 'jellyfish', 'helicopter', or 'snowplough' parenting, helping you spot similarities and differences early.
- What values or qualities do we most want to nurture in our child?: Clarifying shared long-term goals (e.g., confidence, kindness, independence) guides day-to-day decisions.
- How do we want to handle boundaries, routines and discipline?: Discussing expectations around sleep, feeding, soothing and limits reduces conflict once the newborn arrives.
- How will we communicate and support each other when we’re tired or stressed?: Newborn care is demanding; agreeing in advance on how you’ll stay connected strengthens co-parenting resilience.
- What roles or responsibilities feel natural to each of us, and where might we need flexibility?: Being open about practical preferences (night feeds, organising appointments, playtime) helps prevent resentment and encourages teamwork."
