For years, London-born bestselling author Jane Green was living a life that she says was as fictitious as one of her novels; big American home, successful career, loving marriage and harmonious blended family.
“Everybody saw us as this phenomenally successful, wealthy couple,” she tells Ateh Jewel on this week’s HELLO! Second Act podcast. “I lived outside New York for 24 years, and had 18 New York Times bestsellers. But I didn't realise that none of it was real, nobody stays at the top forever.
“We pretend to be all these things that we secretly know we're not. And actually, I understood when I came out of my marriage that I couldn't lie anymore about anything.”
When her career ‘hit the skids’ and her marriage crumbled she decided to run away to Marrakech and start again.
The tipping point came at her Moroccan themed 50 birthday party when she realised her husband was no longer supporting her emotionally or financially, she was walking on eggshells around her step-children, and had lost her identity.
“When I left my marriage and moved to Marrakech, I had nine months of partying like a demon.
“I was so frightened of feeling anything uncomfortable that I would use anything I could to run from those feelings. So I drank too much, danced on rooftops all night. After about nine months, I realised I couldn't do this anymore. I had to deal with the grief, pain and loss.”
Rediscovery
She embarked on somatic therapy and started writing her latest book ‘Rewilding’ where she explored ways to rediscover herself - including finally admitting to family and friends she was bisexual.
“It was such a deep shame for me, the only way to dissolve that shame was to hold it up to the light.
“I love men, but sometimes I am attracted to women as well. And I think if everyone's honest, that's probably the case for a lot of people.”
One of her epiphanies was how the menopause had played a huge role in her new life.
“When we hit midlife, then menopause and our estrogen goes, what we're not prepared for is this seismic neurological rewiring. All of the ways we have made the intolerable tolerable in order to keep a peaceful house, keep our partners happy, raise our children, be accepted into the mum groups - and suppress our own wants - it all becomes intolerable and we're completely unprepared.
“But if we can embrace it, we actually can have the most joyful, authentic life that was unimaginable.
“I turned 58 and have never been happier than I am right now.”
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