Actress Kaley Cuoco revealed earlier this week that she and her fiancé, actor Tom Pelphrey, no longer share a bed, due to several reasons.
From differing sleep schedules to Kaley wanting to share her bedroom with her dogs – something Tom disagrees with -, the Big Bang Theory star shared a litany of reasons why she and her partner are happy to sleep separately, calling the decision "a game changer."
Kaley explained that initially, she was worried about what others would say about the decision, telling Dax Shepard on his podcast, Armchair Expert: "At first, I'm like, 'What will people think?'" to which her partner responded: "'Why do you care?' And I sat there, and I went, 'God, I don't care.' And he goes, 'Let's try it.'"
© Getty ImagesWhile the unique sleeping arrangement works for Kaley and Tom, we wondered how it might negatively impact a relationship to retreat so separate beds at night. We asked BACP member and relationship counsellor Jonathan Eddie for his take on the matter.
How can sleeping separately impact intimacy in a couple?
"What initially leaps to mind is spontaneity," Jonathan begins on the impact of not sleeping with your lover. "If you're not in the same room as your partner, the opportunity for curling into them for a hug – or more – just isn't there. Intimacy might begin with the accidental brush of skin against skin. If you're in separate rooms, however, that simply cannot happen."
He counters the point, adding: "That said, in long-term relationships, intimacy so often is not as spontaneous as it once was. The same level of care that needs to be taken over maintaining a physical relationship is there whether we sleep in the same bed as our partner or not. There's no reason why, if appropriate consideration is given to it, couples who choose to sleep in separate rooms cannot maintain a healthy, intimate relationship."
A lack of intimacy didn't seem to concern Kaley, who shared that bedtime is not her and Tom's "sexy time", but if they were struggling to make time for intimacy, Jonathan has some solid advice.
© Getty ImagesMaintaining physical intimacy
"I'd suggest it begins with preserving intimacy away from the bedroom, which is good advice for those who sleep together, too," he begins. "An intimate connection does not begin and end in the bedroom. It's a look across the breakfast table, hand holding while out on a walk, kissing goodbye and hugging hello, snuggling up on the sofa together… "I've worked with numerous couples who have chosen to sleep in separate rooms in order to improve the quality of their sleep – let's face it, few things are less sexy than a loudly snoring partner.
"In order to maintain physical intimacy in their relationship, I've encouraged them to climb into bed together a few evenings a week, even if that's just for a short while before the night owl gets up again and the early riser rolls over to fall asleep.
© Getty Images"Equally, on weekends we've agreed that one of them will visit the other in bed before either of them gets up. I've even had it reported back that their new routine has led to greater levels of intimacy than when they were sharing a bed – each is better rested, and there’s now an allocated time for getting close to one another."
Kaley and Tom join fellow celebs, including Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Falchuk and Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden, who choose to sleep separately. If it's good enough for them…
