Do you know what Love Island Hall of Famers all have in common? I’m talking the likes of Molly-Mae Hague, Megan Barton-Hanson, Maura Higgins and Ovie Soko? None of them showed up to the villa until later in the show. In fact, in the season five finale, only three out of the eight finalists had been there from day one.
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What I am trying to say is that the show is naff now, okay? I know it, you know it, the three-minute montage of people sliding into a paddling pool filled with ice knows it. But I know it is going to get SO MUCH better than what it is at the mo. So with that thought soothing the nation, let’s crack on and discuss the damp squib that was episode two…
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Chloe Chloe Chloe
I’m seeing a lot of tweets about how feminism is leaving all of our bodies while trying to root for the villa’s newest girl, Chloe. As fun as it is to get pent up about a ruthless bombshell who has her pick of the fellas, the producers have clearly turned her into our first villain of the season by giving her this ultimate power trip. I just want to remind people that editing goes a long way, and once things have chilled out we’ll probably all love her like a sister. In the meantime, let’s all take a deep breath and pick up a copy of The Feminine Mystique.
The cursed cliffhanger
You know when you haven’t been on holiday in forever and only think of all of the good stuff, then you finally go and your flight is delayed and there’s no space on the beach and no matter how long you shower, there’s still sand in your bed? That was how I felt watching this dry episode end without giving us the one kernel of knowledge we wanted: who Chloe was going to couple up with. I’d forgotten all about Love Island’s infuriating cliffhangers, and frankly, I hadn’t missed them.
Mr Hugo Hammond, what are you doing?!
Poor, sweet Hugo. People really took his ‘horny devil’ confession that he once had sex in a road and ran with it. I’m seeing a lot of tweets saying he won’t be able to go back to his job as a PE teacher if the club appearances and Instagram endorsements don’t pan out.
These are (Hugo's) confessions
It kind of reminds me of when Miss England had to relinquish her tiara for getting hot and heavy in the bedrooms. Producers encourage this behaviour and these confessions, but what effect does it have on the islanders IRL? I’m gonna go give ITV’s mental health manifesto for the series another read because hmmmm.
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- Kaz and Brad up on the balcony was perhaps the most interesting thing that happened all episode, and yet they were included as part of a muted montage? What were this potential power couple doing up there? What were they saying to one another?! We don’t need sleep, we need answers.
- Shannon is gearing up to be one of my favourites. She is so stunning and so supremely unconcerned about the current pool of men. She’s waiting for her Casa Amor chance to shine, and good for her.
Big fan of Shan
- God, I haven’t missed the weird little games they make them all play. I know things must get boring in the villa but oh my days, they are so dull to watch. Why was there an ice bath element? You know what, I don’t want to know. Forget it.
- Chloe hugged the boys like a social distancing queen. Hands, face, space.
- Sharon and Aaron having a double snog and quite enjoying themselves? In the words of Maui in Moana, I see what’s happening here!
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