Last year, for my 48th birthday, I received a card from a friend with a picture of a woman, face down on the grass with her knickers showing and shoes off. Alongside, it read: "Even after twelve double vodkas, she was able to retain her usual ladylike dignity, poise and elegance."
It was meant to be funny. And honestly, I laughed about it initially. Cards like that were standard amongst my circle - because it embodied what our friendships were about. They were built around wine-fuelled lunches, margaritas on the beach and champagne birthdays.
So when I decided to stop drinking just a couple of weeks after receiving that card, I realised that I wasn't just giving up alcohol, I was concerned that I was potentially giving up some of my friendships too.
I knew that going sober would improve my anxiety, my sleep, my energy, my skin. But what I didn’t realise was how much it would make me reflect on my friendships, and how strong or fragile they would be without alcohol bonding them.
I wondered what my friends would think about sober me. Would I still be fun? Would I still be invited out to the pub lunches and for happy hour cocktails? Would they think I would be judging them every time they drank? Because when alcohol is the social glue in your friendship group, taking it away can potentially be destructive.
"When alcohol is the social glue in your friendship group, taking it away can potentially be destructive."
So I braced myself for awkwardness and distance. And maybe for some friendship breakups. Because choosing to go sober in midlife, when so much of our socialising is still built around drinking, can be confronting - not just for you, but for the people around you too.
Moments of sadness
And yes, there have been moments of sadness. When my best friend Leah came to visit me from London - the first time we'd seen each other since I stopped drinking - we had a really honest conversation. We both admitted that we'd miss getting tipsy together, sharing a bottle of our favourite rosé, and the laughs and bonding that used to come with it.
But we realised that this was a new chapter that we are grateful for, and that we could still do all the fun things, while admitting with a laugh that it just might mean that we might go to bed earlier.
The support surprised me. And it didn't just come from Leah. I had one friend message me , who I'd got drunk with a couple of weeks before turning sober, asking if I would be open to trying some exercise classes with her. I was so touched. It felt like she was saying: 'I still want to hang with you - even if we're not drinking.' It meant so much and proves that the best friendships evolve with you, whatever is going on in your lives.
Being open
I think it also helped that I was so upfront about my decision to go sober. I shared my plan with my 27k-strong Instagram community, which took the pressure off of telling everyone individually. It meant that there were no awkward moments at dinners or parties - I'd already said what I needed to say. It was like sending out my own press release.
Not everyone gets that reaction, though. I've had messages from women who tell me that they feel pressured to drink around their friends, or even pretend to, just to avoid being made to feel the party pooper. And I get it - choosing to stop drinking can make people feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, your decision shines a light on their own habits, and they're not ready for that reflection.
But one year on since giving up alcohol, I can gratefully say that I haven't had many issues with friends struggling with my decision.
Staying connected while sober
1. Be upfront about your new drinking habits
You don't need to make a dramatic announcement like I did, but being clear helps manage expectations and avoids awkward questions later. Don't over-explain. "I feel better without it," is enough. Your life choices needn't be justified.
2. Celebrate with something that still feels special
A mocktail, alcohol-free bubbles or a sparkling soda in a wine glass with special extras such as fruit and herbs - these little rituals help you stay part of the moment.
3.
Some friends may surprise you by suggesting new ways to spend together. Whether it's a yoga class, a walk or a concert - lean into it, you might end up feeling even more connected.
4. Protect your peace
If someone makes you feel bad about not drinking, that's not your problem to fix. Real friends who are worth nurturing cheer for your growth.
Choosing sobriety in midlife has given me clarity, energy, better skin - and a deeper understanding of who my true friends are.