The first time I held my nephew Charlie, his grandmother looked at me and said: "Wow, you're a natural." He was tiny, with a head full of hair and a cleft chin just like his dad – my brother. I'd held plenty of babies before, but never one I felt so connected to. I'm not a mom, and I'm not ready to be one just yet, but being an aunt cracked something open.
When my brother and sister-in-law first told me they were expecting, I was elated. I've always loved kids – there are endless photos of me growing up holding my baby cousins like I was a tween playing mom. So, when it was time for me to become an aunt, I knew I was ready. I lived close to them as they prepared for the birth of their first child. I watched them nest, build their crib, and fold tiny clothes. I felt Charlie's kicks in his mom's belly.
My brother, who used to be an annoying sibling flicking pennies at me across the living room, is now a dad of two. And he's the best dad. He's patient and goofy and shows his love for his kids loudly. Watching him become a parent is one of the most joyful experiences of my life. We've both grown up so much.
© InstagramAnd my love for my nephews is something completely unique. Charlie calls me "Tessy" and loves when I chase him around his living room. His younger brother, Declan, giggles when I toss him in the air. Our bond is playful and sweet, pressure free and full of pride. While I have many aunts – nine to be exact – I wouldn't classify any of them as the "cool aunt." Growing up, they were kind and caring, but often busy with their own families. I'm trying to be something different with Charlie and Declan.
I'm definitely the fun aunt. When I arrive at my brother's house, I'm tasked with entertaining my nephews. I get down on the floor with Charlie, building with lego towers and coloring his favorite cartoon characters. The freedom of aunthood to come in and out of a nuclear family unit is something I absolutely love. After my nephews exhaust me with their boundless energy, I get to go home to my quiet apartment and enjoy a glass of wine.
As Kendall Jenner once said on The Tonight Show: "I always want to be the cool aunt." I get it.
© InstagramBeing an aunt has reshaped how I think about family. It's made me realize that love doesn't need to be tied to traditional roles. My presence in Charlie and Declan's life is a choice. I get to choose how often I see them, how regularly I call them, and the time I dedicate to them. Of course, this is made much easier because they live close by, I know I'd be present in their life no matter the physical distance.
"I love being an aunt," Tracee Ellis Ross said to NPR. "It is a role that I love, like, that I just cherish, that allows for, like, deep connection and also, like, a real sort of playfulness." That playfulness is part of the magic, but it's also more than that.
© InstagramI'm not sure when I'll have kids, but being an aunt reaffirmed my desire for motherhood because of my relationship with Charlie and Declan. One of the best parts of aunthood is getting to be around for my nephews' milestones – the first steps, the first words – minus the identity shift many new moms face.
I'm still Tess. A single, cat mom living in Brooklyn who has the privilege of watching two amazing boys grow up. It's not a replacement to motherhood, but it's deeply fulfilling. There are so many moments from Charlie and Declan's lives that will stick with me. During Declan's first four months of life, I watched him twice a week while my brother and sister-in-law worked. We snuggled on their very cozy couch while I watched Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. He refused to sleep anywhere but in someone's arms, so I couldn't put him down. But I didn't care, I loved those quiet, sleepy afternoons with him.
© InstagramCharlie is the most energetic kid. He's joyful and vivacious. Recently, I took him on a walk to the park, chased him as he screamed "Get me, Tessy!" and bought him a cake pop from Starbucks because I love spoiling him.
And these moments aren't just cute kids stories, they're reminders of our relationships and my love of aunthood. Being an aunt isn't second place. It's a special kind of privilege. And maybe that's what family really is.
