Nobody needs to read 1000 self-help books. And having done so myself, I can’t say I’d recommend it.
There’s a lot of noise out there, and yes, some properly dubious and possibly dangerous advice (say ‘yes’ to everything, say ‘no’ to everything, be happy with nothing, always be striving for more, cut off everyone you’ve ever met and hand over your life savings to your new guru etc etc).
© (C)2026 DAN KENNEDYBut what I’ve learned from 10 years of reading and doing and sharing self-help is that most of it is the same core ideas presented in different styles that resonate with different people at different stages of their ride through life. And that at the core of any of this ‘Work’ we can do to create more satisfying, healthier and happier lives there is one place everyone must start if they want to create any kind of change.
You need to start by getting to know YOU
Sounds too simplistic, I know. But is it? How would you describe your relationship with yourself right now? Do you even know you have a relationship with yourself? One that - like any other relationship in your life - can be energising or draining, supportive or critical, nourishing or neglected?
A decade ago aged 38, I didn’t. I just knew I was desperate for something - anything - to change. In 2016 when I picked up that first self-help book - Change Your Life in Seven Days by Paul McKenna - I was burnt out, depressed, addicted to booze and stress and other people’s approval, and on course to blow up my 15+ year journalism career and my marriage.
Until recently I’d been working ridiculous hours as an editor on a notoriously tough global news website, and spending any spare time and money drinking and partying hard to offset the stress (not my best idea). I wasn’t taking care of any aspect of myself, or anyone else. I was self-sabotaging, self-medicating and, unbeknownst to me at the time, one month away from being marched to therapy by a lovely husband who had finally reached his limit.
It will surprise no one to learn that a single book didn’t heal me from burnout or change my life in seven days. Things got worse before they got better that year. BUT something in it spoke to me, things started to shift, and that book did ultimately become a gateway to a whole new life for me.
In the decade that followed, in my quest to learn more about myself inspired by some of the core questions and teachings in that book, I became a self-help evangelist; reading 1000 self-help books; founding the world's first self-help book club The Shelf Help Club; interviewing hundreds of bestselling authors and wellbeing experts, including Steve Bartlett, Marie Kondo, Gretchen Rubin and Mo Gawdat; and connecting with thousands of readers from all over the world.
I made big shifts in my own life, transforming from that frazzled and miserable tabloid journalist into a happy and healthy social entrepreneur, as sharing and supporting personal development became my passion, my purpose and even my job.
Today I love to share and celebrate self-help in all forms. I love the idea that we are all forever works in progress and that, whatever your current circumstances, there’s always things you can do to feel better.
But my biggest learning from 10 years of research and lived experience in the self-development space is that self-help isn’t about fixing yourself, It’s about getting to know yourself, and then designing a life that fits.
And the good news is that you can do this, for free, starting right now. By starting to get to know yourself. And the best way to do that is by asking yourself three important questions.
- What has shaped you?
- Who are you becoming?
- What do you need right now?
© (C)2026 DAN KENNEDYThese are the questions I ask - and support people to answer - in my global self-help community, with clients in bibliotherapy sessions and in my first book, YOU (A Beginner’s Guide) which guides readers through these questions as part of my Connected Self MethodTM.
Self-help isn’t just for the SOS moments, it’s about the ongoing management of your mental and emotional wellbeing so that you can show up for yourselves and others well-resourced and resilient, and so that you can create a good life.
And the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you will ever have and don’t you owe it to yourself to make that relationship as nourishing and joyous and supportive as possible? And to put as much care and effort into taking care of yourself as you do everyone else.
THE CONNECTED SELF METHOD TM
I created this simple 3-step method as a way to help anybody get to know themselves better, inviting and guiding you to connect with three different parts of yourself; past, future and present (in that order), using a few different useful techniques and strategies, using those core questions as a diving off point.
Step One: Self-Discovery - Connect with your PAST self
What has shaped you?
Before you can change anything, you need to understand where you’ve come from and who you are today. This is the work of paying attention to how you think, feel, and behave, and starting to understand why.
Step Two: Life Design - Connect with your FUTURE self
Who are you becoming?
Once you have a clearer picture of where you are, you can start imagining where you want to go. This is the part where we figure out what your version of that miracle morning might look like.
Step Three: Life Support - Connect with your PRESENT self
What do you need right now?
Knowing who you are and where you’re headed is only useful if you have what you need to get there. This is where we get practical and start building a mental and physical toolkit to support your health and happiness in the now.
YOU (A Beginner’s Guide) is Toni’s first book, published by The Pound Project and available as a limited edition until 26 May.
