The past five years have been a rollercoaster for the comedienne Katherine Ryan. In June 2021, she gave birth to the first of her three children with her partner, Bobby Kootstra, the high-school sweetheart she rekindled her relationship with in 2019 and married the same year.
By October 2025, Katherine had been pregnant six times in five years, enduring three miscarriages but welcoming three children: Fred, five, Fenna, three, and Holland, who has just turned one. She also has a 17-year-old daughter, Violet, from a previous relationship.
© Laura Rose/Dave Benett/Getty ImaIn February this year, Katherine revealed she had had a face lift when Holland was eight weeks old. Now, the 43-year-old – whose latest memoir is released this week – says it was, in her opinion, necessary.
"Part of getting back to me is looking like the version of me that was very rested and career-driven. It mattered that I got her back so I could feel like myself again," Katherine, who starred in the Netflix series The Duchess, tells HELLO!.
"I associated this different face so much with hospitals and lack of sleep and breastfeeding, and not having ownership over my own body. I watched my actual face change so much from pregnancy. Not just pregnancy, but some trauma, I think, like pregnancy loss."
"Immediately, I knew it was awesome," says Katherine, who joined the all-star lineup of HELLO!’s 2026 Power List, giving a roof-raising speech on the night as she paid tribute to the event's honourees.
Inside Katherine's new memoir
These eventful years are recounted in her new comedy memoir Firstborn Daughter, which is dedicated to her own firstborn child, Violet. Katherine raised her eldest daughter by herself after she separated from Violet’s father, who she has never identified, and moved to the UK from Canada in 2008 to pursue her comedy career.
© Grant Buchanan/Dave Benett/Getty"The book is about my marriages and pregnancy loss and new babies and my schedule," says Katherine, who is herself a firstborn daughter. "It was really poignant that, looking at all the chapters, Violet is excluded from them. I thought it was really important to bring it all back to her and say I haven't forgotten what it was like. I would not be anything that I am today were it not for that time that was actually quite difficult where it was the two of us."
Violet, Katherine says, is her favourite child. "I love Violet more than I love Fred, Fenna and Holland," she writes. "Not instead of. Not despite. More." Their love, she says, is older, forged in the “difficult” times the other three didn't have to endure.
She's sanguine about any reaction. "I'm aware that a lot of my work is provocative. And I like that people are offended on behalf of my small children who don't understand my comedy,” she says. “With these small children, I'm gambling on the fact that they will be wise enough when they are old enough to possibly be offended, they will understand why it was important for me to show Violet favouritism. They will understand that Violet grew up without a lot of the things that they had.
"Violet was very much against us having both Fenna and Holland, and I think she would probably tell you she is still against it. She loves them, but she's like, 'You should not have done this.’ She seems to understand that motherhood is largely a scam, that it will impact your relationships, career, health, everything. I think Violet was looking after me when she was like, 'Don't have that many kids.’ She has commented that before the kids came along, she had 100% of my time."
How Katherine has navigated parenting a teenager
Katherine has navigated Violet's teenage years "with patience", establishing an enviable network of famous female friends to help with romantic advice, including the fellow comediennes Sara Pascoe, Aisling Bea and Roisin Conaty, and the writer Chidera Eggerue. "I don't counsel her at all," she says. "I just feel like it's the best thing I can do for her, because I have been historically bad at navigating romantic relationships. But also, I try to check in with her because they still do need you – just their needs aren't as obvious as a ten-month-old baby."
As for her stepfather, Bobby, "He and Violet could be closer," she says. "I don't love where his relationship with Violet is right now, but such is life with many teenage girls and even their biological dads."
Violet, who is already involved with the National Youth Theatre, is on the brink of leaving their north London home. "It will be really difficult for me," Katherine says. "I do struggle with that. Should I have focused more on really pouring myself into the last five years with Violet? Ultimately, I think everything has happened the way it was meant to happen."
She is "done with having kids", she confirms. "If I am back here speaking to you again next year with another one, it will have been existentially rewarding but ultimately the most foolish mistake I could make."
Meanwhile, her relationship with Bobby continues to blossom, even after she became a "more difficult woman", a transition she says began when she was pregnant with Holland.
"I say what I want, I mean what I say. Bobby finds me sexier for that. He knows where he stands."
Her royal favourites
Her new book features tributes to fellow firstborn daughters, including Queen Elizabeth II, who Katherine calls the gold standard – "conscientious, duteous, unfailingly prepared and rigorous in the execution of her role”. When it comes to the royal family, the Princess Royal is her favourite.
"She certainly has a sense of humour. She saw me do comedy at an awards ceremony and I got a sense that she didn't like the current political direction of the USA, because I had some jokes about that and she enjoyed what I had to say."
The Queen, also a firstborn daughter, is omitted, but not on purpose; Katherine accidentally missed her off while compiling her list. Her friend Gyles Brandreth introduced them at one of his parties. "She was really lovely and gracious. She does carry herself like a firstborn daughter – we know she goes against the grain and she's not afraid of a little judgement."
Firstborn Daughter by Katherine Ryan is out on 22 October, published by Bonnier, priced £22
To read the full article, join HELLO! VIP for instant digital access to the magazine. The print magazine is available on newsstands now.
