I am an entertainment editor and, like many of you reading this article, a superfan of The Traitors. I have seen every season of every country, and as such, I like to think I have a sixth sense for how each season will go down. Now that season two of the UK celebrity version is nearly upon us, I have decided to share my not-at-all unhinged predictions on precisely what is going to happen in Claudia Winkleman's castle.
And so, with the confidence of a Faithful who has reached the end of the game and thinks it's because they're good at it, here are my foolproof predictions for the new series…
The ground rules
First things first, the celebrity edition of The Traitors functions slightly differently to the civilian version, in that these celebrities all know one another, and some are even good friends. In the US version, this means various cliques like 'housewives' and 'gamers' form.
In the UK season one version, it is much more subtle in that they are all much more polite to one another at the roundtable, meaning that it is easier for Traitors to defend themselves.
© CREDIT LINE:BBC/Studio Lambert/Euan CherryIt also generally gives the more famous of the contestants a free pass to make it well into the game, with the more up-and-coming celebs serving as easy targets for murder and banishment.
Perhaps in the debut season, the celebs thought that it wasn't their place to accuse 'big dogs' like Stephen Fry or Jonathan Ross of treachery, even though the latter was blatantly a Traitor. So, we have the 'Fame Hierarchy' to consider. Basically, I can guarantee that Richard E Grant and Michael Sheen will make it well into the series.
© PA Images via Getty ImagesWho will be a Traitor?
A major part of the flagship season's wild success was the utter hilarity of Alan Carr donning the Traitor cloak and then being really, really good at it. While lightning rarely strikes twice, I think the producers will want to recreate those turret laughs and select a comedian as a Traitor right away.
Romesh Ranganathan, Rob Beckett, James Acaster and Joe Lycett are all on the comedy circuit, so my guess is that one of them will be selected. My money is on Joe.
© Kate Green/BAFTAThe other thing to consider about the turret trio is star power. The BBC has paid for stars to play, and like with season one, they are going to make sure at least one 'big dog' is a Traitor to get their money's worth!
As such, I think that the biggest stars of the new season, the aforementioned Michael Sheen or Richard E. Grant, will be touched on the shoulder by Claudia. And out of the two, I think Richard would be more unhinged and chaotic in the role, so my vote goes with him.
© WireImageAs for the third Traitor, well, as Stephen Fry put it, last year we had 'two big dogs, and one small Cat'. So who will be the unassuming celebrity who is less of an obvious choice? The third spot almost certainly belongs to a woman, and Maya Jama or Leigh-Anne Pinnock would be more than up for the task.
The wild card entries
Bella Ramsey is a huge star. They are also the youngest cast member of season two. I can't imagine them taking on the Traitor role, at least not at first, and I predict they will go far as a Faithful -but they are so young, they could fall afoul of an easy murder or banishment too. On the other side of the coin, James Blunt is also a big household name, and will be a Faithful, but will give Traitors vibes and not survive many roundtables without banishment.
© Alan Chapman/Dave Benett/WireImaOne hundred per cent Faithfuls
More than I know my own name, Miranda Hart will be a Faithful. I think she'll definitely be joined by Amol Rajan, Hannah Fry, Julie Hesmondhalgh, King Kenny, Myha'la, Ross Kemp, Sebastian Croft and Sharon Rooney.
© Isabel Infantes - PA Images, GettyRecruitments
The original comedian in the turret might not make it to the end, but whoever they recruit will do very well, and be a fellow funny person. The comedy quartet won't be able to resist bringing one another along for the ride, and we'll be seeing at least two of the quartet in the turret throughout the duration of the game.
© Mike Marsland/WireImage)Plain sight murder
There are so many moving parts to this, it's hard to say as the Traitors might just need to murder the easiest pick, like when Alan murdered Paloma Faith. But I have to admit it would be hilarious if they murdered James Acaster.
Was poisoned. Had a breakdown. Bon appétit.
