Ariana Grande just confirmed her new relationship – but she needs to spend time alone to stop 'repeating harmful patterns'

I grew up in the era of online slideshows depicting every person a female celebrity had dated. This content masqueraded as a helpful trip down memory lane for the reader, when in reality, it was slut shaming at its finest.

Taylor Swift denounced the trend of revisiting all her previous relationships, saying it made her stop dating altogether, while Ariana Grande hit out at being reduced to the man she was linked to way back in 2015. "I am tired of living in a world where women are mostly referred to as a man's past, present or future property/possession," she wrote on what was then called Twitter.

She further hammered it home in an interview with The Sun. "I'm tired of needing to be linked to a guy; I'm not Big Sean's ex, I'm not Niall's new possible girl. I'm Ariana Grande."

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All of this to say, in this piece, you won't find me detailing the men Ariana Grande has dated, been engaged to, or married. But you will find me musing on the potentially worrying fact that the Petal singer is back with her ex of a decade ago, dancer Ricky Alvarez.

Ariana's new (old) relationship

Ariana seemingly confirmed her reunion with Ricky on Instagram, sharing photos of the two of them cuddling up, tagging him in the pics, which he reposted. The kids call this a 'hard launch'.

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Fans will remember Ariana sang about Ricky in her 2019 song 'Thank U, Next,' saying she "listens and laughs" to the songs she wrote about the dancer. She's amended the lyrics on her Eternal Sunshine tour, now saying "We always find our way back," and "I know he's got my back."

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Getting back with an ex is nothing new, but fans are already worried about Ariana due to speculation about her appearance, and now they're fretting about the musician reuniting with her ex so soon after her split from her Wicked co-star, Ethan Slater.

Forgive me for this quick summary, but the context is important, and I write this without judgement. Prior to dating Ethan, Ariana was married to real estate broker Dalton Gomez, with many suspecting there was an overlap in their relationships.

It's not for us to speculate on her relationship timelines, as Ariana wrote in her song 'Yes, and?' which I won't repeat here, as the lyrics aren't very PG, but fans are worried about her seeming inability to be single – and they might have a point.

"Is she capable of being single?" one asked, while another added: "She can't stay a single month single, it’s concerning at this point."

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Psychologist Dr. Candice O’Neil, who supports individuals and couples with a wide range of emotional, relational, and psychological challenges, confirms that entering a new relationship after another ends can be detrimental, explaining: "Jumping into a new relationship can leave us vulnerable to poor treatment, poor boundary setting, and a lack of awareness of our relational needs."

While we're not suggesting Ricky won't treat Ariana well, Dr. O'Neil says that a new relationship so soon after a previous one can result in difficult or dysfunctional dynamics. "This can lead to stress, anxiety, and low self-worth, especially if we encounter more challenging dynamics."

She summarises: "Such relationships can be acute or chronic threats to our overall mental health and wellbeing. Ideally, a relationship should enhance our wellbeing, not detract from it."

The worry of a rebound

Historically, Ariana is known to switch between partners rapidly – from Mac Miller to Pete Davidson, to Dalton Gomez.

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The rebound relationship, which Taylor Swift referred to as "the miracle move on drug", is an issue in itself, as it can lead to poor choices, adds relationship and sex therapist Georgina Vass, who has 15 years' experience in mental health services. "The rapid speed with which a new partner is selected, compounded with any emotional distress in this scenario, may impact decision-making and yield a less desirable partner. In this scenario it’s possible that one distressing situation is actually swapped for another new but equally painful situation."

Those commenting on Ariana's apparent need to always be in a relationship worry that the musician struggles to be alone – and this is a concern, according to Dr. O'Neil.

Why we need time to be alone

"Post-breakup solitude allows individuals to understand their needs moving forward. It helps process and make sense of their previous relationship, enabling them to navigate future relationships healthily. This time can prevent [them from] repeating harmful patterns and dysfunctional dynamics."

Spending time solo can also help us to feel more confident in ourselves, adds Georgina Vass. "Alone time can allow for introspection and rediscovery of one's identity separate to the relationship. Making decisions solo can help rebuild confidence in judgement and more generally."

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On the need to be solo for a while after a relationship breakdown, Dr. O'Neill adds: "It's crucial to enter a new relationship feeling autonomous, having a strong sense of agency and choosing to be in a union, not feeling compelled due to loneliness. In therapy, we acknowledge the power of time and space as a great tool to allow for internal processes of active reflection, sense-making, and processing."

Advice if you struggle to be single

If, like Ariana Grande, you find yourself struggling to be alone, our experts share their words of wisdom for flying solo.

1. Reframe being single

Dr. O'Neil suggests thinking of being single as a time for self-discovery rather than the common association with loneliness. "This can be achieved through increasing social integration and observing others but also apportioning a good amount of time to being alone to know yourself better."

2. Nurture friendships

If being alone feels daunting, Georgina recommends focusing on nurturing friendships

"Humans thrive when they have close relationships, but they don't need to be romantic," she says. "Invest time in strengthening your other social connections to create a community that includes emotional and practical support, as well as fun."

3. Explore why being alone is difficult

"Eplore the difficulty of being single through talking therapies, which might reveal deeper underlying issues related to self-concept, attachment, and belonging," Dr. O'Neil advises. "Furthermore, professional talking therapy will allow you to realise your personal values and beliefs that can strengthen your future relationship with yourself and your romantic relationships."

4. Get comfortable with discomfort

"Emotions and thoughts come and go," laments Georgina. "Identify them, notice how you feel them in your body and when they crop up, but avoid assigning meaning to them or judging yourself. Change your thoughts like you would a radio station with a song you don’t like, avoid comparisons, and have self-compassion."

Try not to worry about Ariana Grande

Fans are concerned for Ariana's wellbeing in general, and Georgina cautions that while her new relationship with Ricky might seem fast, it's not guaranteed to be an unhealthy coping mechanism, explaining: "There is no rule that we need to be healed or perfect versions of ourselves before meeting someone new; personal growth is a lifelong journey with no definitive start and finish lines."