Where you are born in the family pecking order tends to dictate more than just your age, including your personality and sense of responsibility. While this may feel like a stereotype, each sibling is awarded a label the moment they join the ranks; the oldest is usually the responsible one, the middle child is somewhat problematic and the youngest is the baby, doted on by everyone else, no matter their age.
How far apart parents have their children can also dictate the health of siblings' relationships with one another. Too close together, and there is a risk they will be in competition with each other. Too far apart, and they grow up like only children sharing a last name.
While it may seem like an impossible task to perfectly time the arrival of your children so they align with a functioning order, a surprising "sweet spot" may exist. In other words, there might be an ideal age gap that seems to balance chaos and connection and ensure all siblings get along as harmoniously as possible.
To discover what that exact age gap could be, HELLO! asked the experts to share their thoughts on how to create a healthy, balanced dynamic between all members - if such a thing exists!
What is the best age gap between siblings and why does it matter?
It is hard to pinpoint exact numbers in terms of the "perfect" age gap to plan your family around, but start by considering a rough outline of what each gap could result in.
HCPC-registered Senior Education and Child Psychologist Dr Sasha Hall, who has over 15 years of experience in the field, shared her thoughts with us on reaching a suitable age gap for siblings in your family unit.
The expert explained: "What matters most is how well the family environment supports each child’s emotional, social, and developmental needs. Closer age gaps can allow siblings to share play, routines, and interests, which may support closeness.
"However, they can also increase competition for parental attention and place higher demands on parents. Slightly wider gaps may reduce this competition and allow parents to respond more individually to each child."
She continued: "Ultimately, it is not the number of months or years between children that matters most, but how parents manage expectations, attention, and emotional support for each child."
What is considered too big an age gap for siblings and does it matter?
Every situation is different and what works for one family unit may not be suitable for another. When deciding how far apart you would like to have your children, it is important to remember that it is a very personal decision, and there are no wrong answers.
However, as far as the expert is concerned, there are certain lengths of gaps that may have bigger, long-lasting effects than others on the relationship between siblings.
Dr Sasha said: "Larger age gaps can mean siblings do not share the same developmental stages or interests during childhood, but this does not prevent close or supportive relationships, particularly later in life."
She added: "What can matter is avoiding inappropriate expectations, such as assuming an older child should take on a caregiving or parenting role. When roles are clear and developmentally appropriate, larger age gaps can function just as positively as smaller ones."
How does the family dynamic change based on the ages of the siblings?
Ages and gaps between siblings can have a big impact on the relationships between the children and the parents in a family dynamic.
How old each child is in relation to the other will dictate exactly how a family operates and moves forward as a unit.
"Family dynamics often shift depending on how close siblings are in age. Very close age gaps can sometimes lead parents to see the older child as more capable than they developmentally are, particularly if two children are both very young," Dr Sasha noted.
She went on to highlight: "This can unintentionally place pressure on the older child to mature quickly. With larger gaps, family dynamics may look more like a mix of caregiving and mentoring alongside typical sibling interaction. In all cases, research shows that sibling relationships closely reflect the overall emotional climate of the family."
How do age gaps influence sibling relationships at different stages?
The closeness of siblings is likely to be influenced by how close or far apart they are in age. If there are fewer years between them, they will be able to relate to one another's developmental struggles and stages of life.
The expert revealed: "In early childhood, closer age gaps often mean more shared play and more frequent conflict, as children are competing for similar resources and attention. As children move into middle childhood and adolescence, interests may diverge regardless of age gap, and sibling closeness often fluctuates."
She concluded: "In adulthood, age gaps tend to matter far less, with many siblings reporting supportive relationships shaped more by shared history and family values than by age difference."