I’ve been thinking about how people react differently to grief. The impact of loss has dominated royal headlines over the last couple of weeks following the publication of Charles Spencer’s memoir about his sister Diana, Princess of Wales.
As the 30th anniversary of her death looms next year, there are still wounds to heal and, in Spencer’s case, scores to be settled, it seems.
When it comes to the two people her death has affected most profoundly, Princes William and Harry, they are taking very different approaches.
While Harry has processed his grief by sharing his story with the world in recent years, William seems to process his by stepping into the stories of others.
Harry has made overtures to friends of his late mother with a view to appearing in a documentary he is believed to be working on. Given his and Meghan’s first-look deal with Netflix, any film he makes about Diana is likely to be a huge and lucrative commercial project.
© Getty ImagesWilliam, meanwhile, won’t take on anything similar, say friends. He will of course want to honour his mother’s memory, but is likely to do so in a more private way.
Both brothers took part in two major and deeply personal documentaries about their loss in 2017 to mark the 20th anniversary of their mother’s passing.
At the time, William made it clear that they wouldn’t speak as openly about her again.
But as the timeline on the royal brothers’ longstanding rift gradually lengthens, it seems that may no longer be the case for Harry.
© UK Press via Getty ImagesHarry explored his own experience in huge detail in his memoir Spare and looks set to expand on that in the rumoured film production.
William, meanwhile, continues to wear his immense loss more quietly. The pain may never be far away, but he channels it into empathising with and connecting with others who have been bereaved.
Earlier this week, when it came to supporting the remarkable efforts of Sir Kevin Sinfield to raise funds in memory of his great friend Rob Burrow, the future king made a beeline for Rob’s three children, knowing all too well the pain of losing a parent.
Two years after losing their father to Motor Neurone Disease, Macy, Maya and Jackson stood alongside the Prince and Princess of Wales to surprise Sir Kevin as he completed day three of his gruelling challenge to run seven ultramarathons in seven days.
© Kensington PalaceAs they waited for him to arrive, William quizzed Jackson, seven, on whether he was fast, and which position he played, having seen footage of him scoring a try in a charity match days earlier.
He did the same last year with Rhian Mannings, the extraordinary mother whose husband died by suicide days after they lost their youngest son to a sudden illness.
When she first met William in 2017, she asked if he thought her older children would be ok. “They will be absolutely fine with a mother like you,” he told her, with the reassurance of his own experience.
© Kensington PalaceWhen they were reunited last year, William wept on camera, such was the depth of his empathy for her loss.
Both brothers have harnessed their grief in their public work over the years: William through Child Bereavement UK, which was founded by Diana’s friend Julia Samuel and his connections with families affected by suicide; Harry through Scotty’s Little Soldiers.
Now as their mother’s 30th anniversary approaches, Harry looks set to claim the public narrative by looking to the past. William, it seems, will continue to honour her legacy by sharing his quiet reassurance with those experiencing their own grief in the present.
