It's sunset, we're on the beach and Madu is regaling the wine buffs with tales of his travels around exciting new vineyards in Sicily and South Africa while gently and wittily imparting the basics of wine styles and pairings. Just as everyone is getting tipsy, he hands a brave soul a sword and coaches them to slice the tops off a bottle of champagne with it and then asks if anyone else wants to give it a go.
The award-winning sommelier puts on a very entertaining show – all while standing knee-deep in water infested by (cute and harmless) baby sharks.
We arrived on Moofushi only a few hours earlier by seaplane to a White Lotus-style line-up of smiling staff. Suddenly, it's hard to imagine that this sublime beach, the swish villas and the impossibly turquoise sea exist in the same universe as grey and wintry Britain.
This is Claudia Winkleman's favourite Maldivian island. Moofushi is everything Claudia is: laidback, chic, friendly and fun. She may have spent the summer in a draughty Scottish castle sending shivers down the spines of twitchy stars for Celebrity Traitors, but come winter she loves a blast of sunshine. After visiting the island for the first time she immediately resolved to return.
Imagine if Robinson Crusoe washed up on an island with infectiously friendly staff, internationally acclaimed chefs, award-winning sommeliers and an all-inclusive bar. Throw in twinkling fairy lights around your supper table and your own personal beach cinema to watch Finding Nemo under the stars and you too will want to be marooned here for ever.
The blend of luxury and familiarity is so seductive. I’ve only been here a few hours and already I feel totally at home. Admittedly, my own home doesn’t have such a ginormous bed, well-stocked minibar, indoor and outdoor shower, outdoor bath and pillow menu. Nor are there wooden steps from my back door down to the sea. But I can pretend.
Finding Nemo
The resort has three lagoons and a large house reef – and draws in serious divers who return year after year. You don't need to be an expert to make the most of it. I borrow flippers and snorkels from the dive shop, swim a few metres from the shore and soon find myself totally immersed in a world of sweetlips and trigger fish, shoals of shimmering gold and silver fish and parrot fish chomping noisily on coral. I spy a regal blue tang – Dory – and then, yes, a clownfish. Suddenly I'm in my own 3D production of Finding Nemo.
I also join a boat trip out to a nearby lagoon in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the manta rays, though it’s very yearly in the season. Sadly we don’t manage to spot any but we do encounter plenty of reef fish, sea cucumbers and even a tortoise in the wild. My heart leaps as I spot him poking about in the coral without a care in the world.
All this activity is making me hungry. Every single meal at Moofushi is a celebration. One night the theme is Asian fusion buffet and we feast on mouthwatering sushi and sashimi, grilled reef fish and choose from a selection of 55 ice cream and sorbet flavours as we watch ghost crabs scuttle about a few metres away. Other buffet nights are styled around world cuisines. There is a Maldivian night and a Catch of the Day. For a change of scenery we have dinner one night at the a la carte Alizee restaurant, following a trail of fairy lights to our dinner table. It’s a truly magical setting.
The all-inclusive package includes 120 wines and the sommeliers are always happy to help with choices.
Breakfast is a smorgasbord of delights: from cereals to sashimi, a vast array of pastries (pineapple danish here, red velvet croissant there), a dedicated pancake chef – fluffy waffles, pancakes or crepes. There’s an egg station and three types of bacon are on offer, and I count eight flavours of honey, including cloves and cardamon, orange, ginger and vanilla. If you’re feeling adventurous, the locals’ breakfast choice is chapati, chilli, mashuni and curry.
Those with food intolerances or allergies need not worry here: everything is clearly labelled.
Infectiously friendly
The staff are endlessly charming, so much so it’s catching: soon even the most cynical Londoner is smiling at other happy guests and pausing for a friendly chat. I also like the extra efforts to which the resort goes to be sustainable. There are no plastic bottles here, and the kitchen is assiduous in recycling and composting everything possible.
It takes a special kind of person to make every visitor feel so special, and I'm fascinated to learn that there are as many staff on the island as guests. It’s a multinational effort: there are 200 people from 17 different nationalities beavering away. Dilup, the executive chef, gives a fascinating little tour behind the scenes.
Moofush’s motto is: "Come as a guest, leave as a friend." And for those who return, this motto gets upgraded to: "Arrive as a friend, leave as family." Indeed, so endearing is the experience that Claudia isn’t the only one keen for a return trip. Nearly half its guests are returnees – during our stay there is even a couple who are visiting for the 28th time. I’m already saving up for my next visit.
Glamorous big sister
We take a speedboat to Moofushi's glamorous big sister resort, Halaveli, to spend our last few days in the Maldives. Where Moofushi is all about relaxed barefoot chic, Halaveli is a stylishly upgraded experience aimed at those who appreciate the finer things in life.
I stay in a luxurious water villa the size of a house, complete with a private pool and a family-sized bath. There is plenty of space to relax, both inside and outside on the terrace if you fancy a spot of sunbathing or stargazing.
Don't miss the elegant wine tastings. Constance is famous for its extensive collection o – the resort has 22,500 bottles in its cellars, featuring 1,600 labels from 325 winemakers around the world.
It's a foodies' paradise. I love cooking, and eating, so I'm excited to join a cookery lesson with Hameed, Halaveli’s head chef, who teaches us how to make an authentic Maldivian curry. That evening, we have a sunset cocktail-shaking masterclass with Deepak, who teaches us to make the perfect espresso martini, a mean mojito and a delicious rum-based cocktail called a Coconut Supreme, all exquisitely presented. Afterwards we say hello to the local stingrays who have sidled up to the shore to frolic like puppies in the shallow water.
Later that night, Hameed prepares a spectacular meal to go with a tasting wine menu selected by the head sommelier. Course after course, his magnificent pairings take our breath away: everything works so wonderfully well together, it's an impressive alchemy.
Hameed is Muslim and has never tasted a drop of alcohol in his life. Could it be that this somehow gives him an edge? "I think so," he says. "I am well known for my tasting menus. I carefully read the notes on each wine, and look at the climate and soil where they're grown, and go from there. I get a lot of compliments."
Turquoise Holidays (turquoiseholidays.co.uk 01494 678400) offers a week’s holiday from £4,799 per person, combining three nights at Constance Moofushi in a beach villa on an all-inclusive meal plan and three nights at Constance Halaveli in a water villa on a bed and breakfast meal plan. Includes return flights, seaplane transfers and a direct speedboat from Constance Moofushi to Constance Halaveli Based on two people travelling. Further details on Constance Hotels at constancehotels.com.