Smartphones aren't going anywhere. Neither are claustrophobic commutes, questionable global politics or ever-inflating baked beans prices. According to countless studies, we are more sleepless, stressed and listless than ever before; a generation that is simultaneously wired and tired.
Sleep has officially become our biggest wellness obsession, almost tipping into orthosomnia; the anxiety-inducing pursuit of the 'perfect' night's rest, with over half of UK women citing sleep as their top wellness goal.
So, our Q&A with the insomnia specialist and founder of the Insomnia Clinic, Kathryn Pinkham, couldn’t have come at a better time. Having worked in the field for over 15 years, helping over 6,000 people improve the quality of their sleep, it was reassuring to hear that things really can improve: "I've found that most people don't need therapy to fix their sleep, they just need the correct information."
Q: When I wake up in the night, should I stay in bed and try to sleep, or get up?
"If you're awake, thinking about sleep and feeling alert, it can be better to leave the room and read/watch TV until you feel sleepy before returning to bed. Avoid spending large amounts of time in bed awake, as this creates a weaker connection."
© Hester Barnes Photography & FilmQ: How do I know if I've got insomnia or if I'm just a bad sleeper?
"There is actually a lot of overlap between the two, and many people who describe themselves as 'bad sleepers' are experiencing some form of insomnia, particularly if sleep has started affecting how they feel, function, or think about sleep during the day.
"A poor night here and there is completely normal, and we are not designed to sleep well when under stress. Good sleepers still have disrupted nights; they just tend not to focus on them too much. They trust that sleep will return and carry on as normal.
"Insomnia is usually less about the occasional bad night and more about the cycle that develops around it. Signs that sleep may have shifted into insomnia include:
- Regularly struggling to fall asleep or stay asleep
- Waking very early and not getting back to sleep
- Worrying about sleep during the day
- Feeling anxious or frustrated at bedtime
- Changing your behaviour to try to 'fix' sleep
- Spending a lot of time thinking about or monitoring sleep
"Often the biggest difference is not the sleep itself, but the level of alertness, pressure, and attention around it. The reassuring thing is that insomnia is very treatable. Once you understand what is maintaining the cycle, sleep can improve significantly, even if it has been difficult for a long time."
© Sergey FilimonovQ: At what point do you stop trying sleep hacks and get professional help?
"I would generally say that if sleep has started becoming a regular issue, particularly if it has been going on for more than a few weeks or you are starting to worry about sleep during the day, it is worth addressing it sooner rather than later. The earlier we intervene, the easier it often is to stop the cycle from becoming more entrenched.
"Many people spend months or even years trying endless sleep hacks, supplements, routines, or relaxation techniques, when the real issue is that the brain has become more alert and vigilant around sleep itself.
"CBT for Insomnia (CBT-I) is considered the gold-standard treatment for chronic insomnia and is the only approach recommended by major sleep and medical guidelines. It has a huge amount of evidence behind it and focuses on addressing the behavioural and psychological patterns that maintain sleep difficulties, rather than just managing symptoms temporarily.
"That said, I completely appreciate that one-to-one CBT-I support is not accessible for everyone financially or practically. That is exactly why I created my online programme, The Sleep Well & Live Better Course, which gives people a structured, evidence-based approach they can work through in their own time, without the cost of ongoing private sessions, but you get my full support, so you aren't tackling it alone.
"It is designed to give you the key tools and strategies used within CBT-I in a much more affordable and flexible way."
Q: I'm in perimenopause and my sleep is definitely more fragmented, but what can I do apart from HRT?
"I can empathise, this is so common. As hormones fluctuate, particularly oestrogen and progesterone, sleep often becomes lighter and the nervous system more sensitive and alert. Many women notice they wake more easily in the night and then struggle to drift back off again.
"HRT can be very helpful for some women, particularly if symptoms such as hot flushes, night sweats, or anxiety are significant, but it won’t necessarily fix a sleep issue which has become a new pattern. The reassuring thing is that while hormones may trigger the sleep disruption initially, they are often not the thing that keeps it going long term.
"After a spell of poor nights, it is very common for the brain to become more vigilant around sleep itself. You start anticipating waking, worrying about not sleeping, or putting pressure on yourself to get back to sleep quickly, which increases alertness further.
"This is why focusing on calming the nervous system and reducing pressure around sleep can make such a difference. A few things that tend to help are:
- Keeping a consistent, earlier wake-up time
- Avoiding going to bed too early
- Getting natural daylight exposure in the morning
- Reducing stress and mental load during the day
- Avoiding clock-watching during the night
- Getting out of bed briefly if you feel wide awake and frustrated
"It is also important not to underestimate the impact of lifestyle and nervous system overload during this stage of life. Many women in perimenopause are juggling work, family, ageing parents, and high levels of responsibility, often while feeling physically and emotionally depleted. Sometimes the body is not just tired, but overstimulated.
"The reassuring thing is that I work with many women experiencing menopause-related insomnia and I regularly see sleep improve significantly, even when it has been difficult for a long time. It is very rarely a lost cause, and often once the fear and vigilance around sleep begin to settle, sleep starts to feel much more natural again. I hope that helps you gain some confidence that you can improve your sleep."
© StocksyQ: I’m exhausted all day, then suddenly wide awake at bedtime. Why can I fall asleep on the sofa but not when I actually go to bed?
"This is incredibly common, particularly for people who have been struggling with sleep for a while. During the day, you may feel physically exhausted and even nod off on the sofa, but at bedtime, the brain can suddenly become much more alert.
"This happens because the bed itself has started to become associated with wakefulness, effort, frustration, or 'trying to sleep.'
"When you fall asleep on the sofa, there is usually very little pressure. You are relaxed, distracted, and not monitoring whether sleep is happening. But the moment you get into bed, the brain can switch into checking mode: 'Will I sleep tonight? How long will it take? What if I'm tired tomorrow?' That subtle vigilance is enough to increase alertness and make sleep harder.
"This is why insomnia is often less about not being tired and more about the nervous system being too switched on at the wrong time.
"One helpful first step is noticing what changes when you get into bed. What thoughts appear? Do you start monitoring your body or checking whether you feel sleepy enough? Are you putting pressure on yourself to fall asleep quickly?
"Instead of trying to force sleep, focus on helping the body feel safe and settled. Notice areas of tension in the body and allow them to soften rather than fighting them. Try to approach bedtime with less monitoring and less urgency.
"It can also help to avoid going to bed too early. Building enough natural sleep drive across the day often makes it easier for sleep to happen more naturally at night. And if you can't sleep, don't stay in bed for long periods feeling stressed. Instead leave the room for a short while."
Q: How do you sleep better when young kids wake you up and consistency is impossible?
"This can be a really difficult time for sleep. One of the most important things when you have young children is recognising that this is often a temporary phase, and it is completely normal for sleep to feel more disrupted during this time. The pressure many parents put on themselves to sleep perfectly or function exactly as they did before children can actually make things feel much harder emotionally and physically.
"While consistency may not always be possible with young children, there are still things that can help protect your sleep and energy levels. One of the biggest mistakes people make is going to bed very early to try to 'catch up' on sleep, which can sometimes lead to more time awake and frustrated in bed.
"Equally, lying in bed stressing when awake in the night can increase alertness and make it harder to settle again- get up for a while and read/watch some TV or listen to a podcast so you move focus away from sleep.
"It is also easy to become completely focused on trying to get more sleep, when sometimes what the body also needs is more recovery and regulation during the day. Managing stress where possible, getting outside, moving your body, practising breathing or relaxation exercises, or making time for things you genuinely enjoy can all help support energy and resilience, even during broken nights.
"You may not always be able to control the external disruption right now, but you can influence how you respond to it. Try to lower the pressure and expectations around how you think you 'should' feel. We are often more resilient to poor sleep than we realise, and parents are usually coping far better than they give themselves credit for.
"Being kinder to yourself during this stage can make a surprisingly big difference, both to sleep and to overall wellbeing. You got this!"
Q: I seem to sleep well throughout the night, but I still wake up extremely tired. Can the quality of your sleep differ, and how can I make sure I'm having a good night's sleep?
"Yes, the quality of our sleep can vary, and it is possible to sleep through the night yet still wake feeling tired or unrefreshed. Sleep is not just about how many hours you get, but also how restorative that sleep is.
"Many different factors can affect sleep quality, including stress levels, hormonal changes, temperature, anxiety, alcohol, health conditions, and things such as snoring or sleep apnoea. During periods of stress, for example, people often sleep more lightly, even if they are technically asleep for enough hours.
"That said, people can sometimes become overly focused on trying to achieve 'perfect' sleep quality. Generally, if you are falling asleep reasonably well, staying asleep most of the night, able to get back to sleep if you wake, and functioning fairly well during the day, your sleep itself is often not the main issue.
"One thing I don't think we should underestimate is the impact of stress and nervous system overload. You cannot out-sleep chronic stress. If you are running at a million miles an hour all day, mentally and physically exhausted, constantly switched on or overwhelmed, you may still feel drained even after a full night in bed.
"Sometimes the focus needs to shift slightly away from 'fixing' sleep and towards looking at overall lifestyle, stress levels, recovery time, movement, and how much opportunity the nervous system is getting to properly switch off during the day. If you feel your lifestyle is good, your diet is healthy, you're exercising and managing stress, but are still tired, then do speak to your GP about a blood test, as there is a deficiency, for example, low iron can make you feel tired."
Q: My partner falls asleep in seconds while I lie there fuming - why are some people just 'good sleepers'?
"One of the biggest differences between 'good sleepers' and people who struggle with sleep is often not sleep itself, but the amount of attention and pressure placed on it.
"Good sleepers tend to think very little about sleep. If they have a poor night, they usually brush it off, trust that sleep will return, and carry on with their day. They do not monitor themselves closely, analyse every wake-up, or try to force sleep to happen.
"Poor sleepers often do the opposite, understandably so. Once sleep becomes difficult, it can start to feel important, fragile, or urgent. People begin watching the clock, monitoring how tired they feel, trying harder to sleep, and worrying about the impact the next day. The brain then starts treating sleep as something that needs to be achieved or controlled, which creates more alertness and makes sleep harder.
"This is why having a partner who falls asleep instantly can feel so frustrating. The moment they drift off, it can trigger thoughts like, 'Why can’t I do that?' or 'I need to be asleep too'. That comparison and pressure increase vigilance, and vigilance is the opposite of sleep.
"One of the most helpful first steps is simply noticing how you think about sleep. If you constantly label yourself as a 'bad sleeper,' your brain and behaviour begin responding as though sleep is a threat or a problem to solve. Try asking yourself: 'What would a good sleeper think in this moment?' Changing your narrative is a really important step."
© Getty ImagesQ: I only have coffee in the morning, can it still affect my sleep?
"Whilst caffeine later in the day can impact sleep, it's very unlikely that one in the morning is contributing to any sleep issues. It's more likely that your sleep drive is too weak, your body clock needs resetting, and your connection with bed might have become disrupted. So you should be fine to keep your morning coffee!"
Q: Can being overweight make sleep worse?
"Weight can absolutely impact sleep, particularly when it comes to breathing during the night. Carrying excess weight increases the risk of snoring and obstructive sleep apnoea, where the airway partially collapses during sleep and briefly interrupts breathing.
"Many people with sleep apnoea don't realise they have it, but common signs include loud snoring, waking unrefreshed, morning headaches, daytime fatigue, or a partner noticing pauses in breathing overnight.
"Poor sleep itself can also affect appetite, energy, and weight regulation, so it often becomes a cycle. In terms of feeling half asleep on the sofa but then suddenly wide awake in bed, this is incredibly common and is linked to alertness and vigilance."
Q: My sleep changed after having children and never recovered - is that normal?
"Yes, it's very common. Having children can completely change the way the brain and body relate to sleep, and for some people, that pattern continues long after the children themselves are sleeping well.
"In the early years, parents are naturally more alert at night because they need to respond to a baby waking. The brain becomes trained to sleep more lightly and stay vigilant, listening out for sounds or interruptions. For some people, that heightened alertness never fully switches off again, even once there is no longer a reason for it.
"Sleep can also become associated with unpredictability, broken nights, stress, and pressure to 'make the most' of the time available for sleep. Over time, this can create ongoing difficulties with falling asleep, staying asleep, or switching off mentally at night.
"Hormonal changes, stress, mental load, and years of disrupted sleep can all play a role too, particularly for women moving into perimenopause after years of parenting and juggling responsibilities. The positive thing is that the brain can relearn how to sleep deeply again. Often, the focus is less about ‘fixing’ sleep itself and more about reducing the vigilance and alertness that the body has learned over time. A CBT for insomnia approach can guide you through the steps to re-learn how to sleep well again. But as a mother of two (now teens), I empathise with how our sleep can change over time!"
Q: Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night, I never manage to sleep again, which is torture for somebody who has to go to work every morning. What can I do?
"This is called sleep maintenance insomnia and is actually very normal, but what often keeps people awake is the fear and vigilance around not sleeping again. The brain quickly learns to associate waking in the night with stress, frustration, and trying to sleep, which keeps the nervous system alert. A few things that can really help:
"First, avoid going to bed too early. Many people who wake at 3 or 4 am are spending longer in bed than their bodies actually need. A slightly later bedtime, alongside a consistent, earlier wake-up time, can help build stronger sleep drive and make sleep more consolidated through the night.
"Second, if your mind becomes busy at night, try giving your worries space during the day instead. Spend 10 minutes writing down what's on your mind, making a plan for anything within your control, and parking the rest. This often reduces the mental load that appears in the early hours.
"Third, try not to check the time when you wake. Looking at the clock tends to trigger anxiety and mental calculations about how little sleep you’ve had, which increases alertness.
"And if you find yourself wide awake and frustrated, it's often better to get out of bed briefly and do something calm in low light until you feel sleepy again. This helps rebuild the connection between bed and sleep, rather than bed and wakefulness.
"Most importantly, try to focus less on 'getting back to sleep' and more on reducing the alertness and pressure around being awake. If you follow this link there is a webinar with more info.
© Getty ImagesQ: Are there any myths around getting better sleep which are potentially quite damaging?
"One of the biggest myths around sleep is that we all need eight hours of perfect sleep each night. We've created a culture where people are constantly trying to optimise, track, and control their sleep, and ironically, that pressure is often part of what makes sleep more difficult.
"Another common misconception is that if you can't sleep, you should dedicate more time to trying. While it sounds logical, spending excessive time in bed awake can actually weaken the brain’s association between bed and sleep and make insomnia more persistent.
"There's also a widespread belief that relaxation alone will fix chronic sleep problems. Relaxation can absolutely help calm the body and mind, but persistent insomnia is maintained by a combination of behavioural, psychological, and physiological factors, which is why structured approaches such as CBT for Insomnia are often far more effective long-term. Relaxation is an excellent tool for reducing anxiety, but on its own rarely a cure for consistent sleep issues.
"Perhaps the most important thing people misunderstand is that we are designed to cope with the occasional poor night of sleep. Often, it's not the bad night itself that causes insomnia to persist, but the fear and response to it afterwards."
Q: I sleep talk and wake up in the middle of the night while sleep talking (especially if I'm sharing a room with someone) and convince them I've been awake the whole time. Is there any way I can shake this annoying habit?
"Sleep talking is very common and, in most cases, completely harmless, even if it can feel frustrating or embarrassing, particularly when sharing a room with someone. It tends to happen more often when sleep is lighter or more disrupted, or maybe you are more aware as you are sharing with someone, and can be triggered by things like stress, sleep deprivation, irregular sleep schedules, alcohol, or simply being overtired.
"Interestingly, people are often completely unaware they’re doing it, and because the brain is in a partially asleep state, it can sometimes sound as though they’re fully awake and having a coherent conversation when they’re not.
"There is no guaranteed 'cure' for sleep talking, but improving overall sleep quality and reducing stress levels can often help reduce how frequently it happens."
Q: I hear the same sleep advice again and again on social media - what’s the most unhelpful sleep advice you’ve seen that you’d always advise against?
"There is certainly no shortage of sleep advice circulating online, and some of it can actually make things worse. Generally, sleep hygiene advice (cutting out caffeine, reducing screen time, chamomile tea, relax etc) is decent lifestyle advice, but they have very little impact on those with a consistent sleep issue. Here are the ones I would caution against.
"Going to bed early is one of the most common recommendations and one of the least helpful for poor sleepers. If you are already struggling, getting into bed earlier simply gives you more time to lie there awake, which reinforces the association between bed and wakefulness. If a 10pm bedtime leaves you staring at the ceiling, going to bed later would serve you far better.
"The push to achieve eight hours by going to bed early creates the same problem. More time in bed does not mean more sleep, and for someone with insomnia, it often means more time lying awake feeling frustrated. Ironically, one of the best things you can do is spend less time in bed, which builds a stronger sleep appetite and makes sleep more consolidated when it comes.
"Sleep tracking is another one I feel strongly about. Whilst the intention is to understand your sleep better, what it tends to do in practice is create more vigilance and anxiety around something that should be automatic. Checking your sleep score first thing in the morning and allowing it to dictate how you feel is not a healthy relationship with sleep.
"The thread running through all of these is the same. They encourage more focus, more control, and more pressure around sleep. But sleep is not something you can force or optimise your way into. The goal is to create the conditions where it can happen naturally, and that means reducing vigilance, not increasing it."
Q: I have trouble falling asleep, sleeping in general and staying asleep. Some nights I wake up every hour. I have tried homoeopathic and prescription medicine with nothing allowing me to have a continuous night’s sleep. What do you recommend?
"Struggling to fall asleep, waking frequently through the night, and feeling like nothing you try makes a lasting difference is so frustrating! What you are describing often has the same root cause regardless of how it presents. The nervous system has learned to treat sleep as a threat. Once we have been spending more time in bed, awake, we teach our body that bed is for wakefulness. Once that pattern is established, the brain becomes hypervigilant at bedtime and throughout the night, waking you from sleep repeatedly because it is, in its own way, trying to protect you. Your brain is scanning for danger and threat- and being in a deep sleep wouldn't keep you safe.
"This is why medication so often disappoints. It may help you get off to sleep initially, but it does not address the underlying vigilance, so the problem persists or returns. The same is true of many natural remedies. They target the symptom rather than the cycle, maintaining it. The good news is that your sleep system is not broken. It has simply learned the wrong response, and that can be unlearned. The way to tackle this is to focus on three things. Building a stronger sleep drive so you wake less frequently through the night. Resetting your body clock so your sleep becomes more consolidated and consistent. And finally, re-establishing a connection with bed where both your body and mind feel safe enough to sleep. You can find out more in my free sleep webinar."
Q: I wake most nights at 3-4 am and cannot get back to sleep. Any help would be appreciated
"Waking in the early hours, particularly around 3 or 4 am, is incredibly common and something many people struggle with.
"The first thing worth knowing is that waking briefly at this time is normal. Sleep naturally becomes lighter in the early hours, and everyone stirs. The difference between those who drift back off and those who don't usually comes down to what happens next.
"Once the brain registers that you are awake, it can quickly shift into problem-solving mode. You check the time, calculate how many hours you have left, and worry about how you will feel tomorrow. That mental activity signals to the nervous system that there is something to be alert about, and sleep becomes much harder to return to.
"Then the cycle continues into the day. The worry about facing another bad night builds, and that anticipation is often what keeps you in lighter sleep stages.
"A few things that genuinely help. Avoid checking the time when you wake as it gives your brain something to react to and reinforces the pattern. If you are lying there frustrated, getting up briefly and doing something like read or watch TV until you feel sleepy again is often more useful than staying in bed trying to force it.
"During the day, keeping a consistent, early wake time to help build a stronger sleep drive, making it easier to consolidate sleep through the night. It is also really important to address worries during the day and alert rather than leaving them to surface at 3am.
"We are far more resilient to poor sleep than we tend to believe. Reducing the fear around waking is often a significant part of what helps sleep settle again."
Find out more about Kathryn’s Sleep Well Live Better course.
Our soporific saviours
Kathryn has taught us that good sleep is about addressing the root cause of insomnia; the underlying vigilance, but for nights when you need a little help these bedtime heroes can help you drift off
Ritual + Flow Dream Cocoa, £32.95
Move over, Horlicks. This magnesium-infused, functional hot chocolate leverages organic raw cacao and two highly bioavailable forms of magnesium to help you unwind. Backed by nine other powerhouse ingredients, the formula is smooth, light, and delicious - completely bypassing the chalky, gloopy texture of traditional sleep blends.
Eyeam Magnesium Glymphatic Sleepy Body Butter, £25
© smaruzziThe brainchild of Organic Pharmacy founder Margo Marrone, this unctuous butter delivers 200mg of magnesium transdermally to soothe the nervous system. It’s a dream for hormone harmony and habit-stacking. Infused with lavender, it supports the glymphatic system (the brain's natural detox pathway) with zero morning grogginess or melatonin hangovers.
Diome Rested Supplements, £60 (60 capsules)
Bringing the botanical big guns to the table, this science-backed, doctor-formulated daily supplement is a beauty-editor travel essential. Driven by 15 ingredients rich in photoactive compounds and micronutrients, it deeply restores sleep to turbocharge morning energy. Be warned: it’s punchy stuff; prepare for Disney-Princess levels of rested.
This Works Deep Sleep Pillow Spray, £25
So much more than your average lavender spritz, this award-winning, OG powerhouse is rooted in proven neuroscience. It remains the ultimate sleep aid we constantly reach for; clinically proven to alleviate bedtime anxiety, accelerate drift-off time, and dramatically improve overall sleep quality.
