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Michelle Obama reveals why she and husband Barack 'don't talk' at home after 33 years together


The former POTUS and First Lady have been married for 33 years, sharing daughters Malia and Sasha, and have a unique approach to date nights now


U.S. President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama speak onstage at TNT Christmas in Washington 2014 at the National Building Museum on December 14, 2014 in Washington, DC.© Getty Images
Ahad Sanwari
Ahad SanwariSenior Writer - New York
October 28, 2025
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For Barack and Michelle Obama, taking care of date nights and romance is part and parcel of life now after 33 years of marriage. The couple first met back in June 1989, when the future President of the United States was employed by law firm Sidley Austin, and his future wife was his advisor. After a few months of unsuccessful wooing, Barack finally convinced Michelle to go out with him, and soon after, they began dating more seriously. They tied the knot on October 3, 1992, eventually welcoming daughters Malia, 27, and Sasha, 24, together.

Speaking with People in preparation for the release of her style book The Look, Michelle, 61, outlined how she and Barack, 64, keep the spice in their marriage alive more than three decades in, especially amid early rumors that they were experiencing issues, which the former first lady debunked earlier this year.

"We've been married 32, 33 [years]... I always forget. Sorry, honey," she quipped at first, then sharing some insight into how they make their date nights more unconventional than most. "When we're both happy about date night, we're at home. We are not getting dressed. We just have a nice dinner, candles lit, music, we talk." 

"We don't talk for the whole day, because we're in the house together all day, right?" she explained. "We work from home. So when we are going to have a really special night, it's like, 'Don't talk to me. Save it for dinner.' He'll be like, 'Did you talk to the girls?' 'I did, but we're not going to talk about it until date night.'" 

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The mom-of-two continued: "But sometimes we go out for dinners in D.C. or wherever. I am too old, I can't do dinner and a movie. I will fall asleep in the movie. So it's like, 'Let's pick one.'" The Becoming author also notes treating state dinners during their time in the White House like date nights back, which she also wrote about in The Look.

Michelle Barack Obama© Instagram
Michelle and Barack Obama have been married for 33 years, and still keep date nights interesting

"For those black tie events, that was like our wedding every time," Michelle gushed. "You felt like the belle of the ball. With each year I got a little riskier, my team and I tried different things. And you're getting all dolled up for your man. There was an unspoken ritual, he never knew, until I walked out, ready, what I was wearing." 

Michelle Barack Obama© Instagram
"We work from home. So when we are going to have a really special night, it's like, 'Don't talk to me. Save it for dinner.'"

"That's the romance, those little moments in this crazy world, where we could look at each other and go, 'You're cute.' Then we walk downstairs to a barrage of press, lights and cameras, and it's like, 'Just stay in this moment. It's really just us. This is nice.'" Michelle highlights this being a new era of her life, one where she can make choices for herself rather than in service of her image as the First Lady.

U.S. President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama arrive at Winfield House, the residence of the Ambassador of the United States of America, in Regent's Park, on May 25, 2011 in London, England. The 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, and First Lady Michelle are in the UK for a two day State Visit at the invitation of HM Queen Elizabeth II. Last night they attended a state banquet at Buckingham Palace and today's events include talks at Downing Street and the President will address both houses of Parliament at Westminster Hall© Getty Images
Of attending state dinners with her husband, Michelle said: "For those black tie events, that was like our wedding every time. You felt like the belle of the ball."

"I'm as vibrant as I've ever been," she says proudly of life in her 60s. "My kids are grown and launched, they are healthy and happy. My husband is doing just fine. We are the former president and first lady, and so I feel like this is the first time in my life that when I say and do something, here in this interview, writing this book, these are my choices. That is freeing."

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