"I'm in my forties and work from home, so spend my days in jeans, multitasking deadlines and school runs. Sometimes I attend work events in a suit, but next week I am going to a lunch and have absolutely no idea what to wear. There will be a few colleagues, but it's mostly social. I am stumped and stressed, and it's keeping me awake at night."
We're all worried about what to wear. Midlife is a time when our bodies may change a little – weight gain around the middle, boobs less perky - much of it is inevitable and part of natural wear and tear. But, married to the general drop in confidence that can come as we navigate passing hormonal chaos, deciding what to wear can become another stress to add to a long list. Lifestyle changes, including diet and exercise, can make a positive difference to how we feel, but nevertheless, there's a sense that it's not just our bodies that are in a state of flux; so too is our identity. Therefore, what to wear may become a particular concern.
Women naturally tend towards self-critical, and when mind and body are a little awry, how we present to the outside world may take on gargantuan proportions. Being constantly told what we shouldn't be wearing, whether it's bikinis or miniskirts, is less positive and less constructive. That said, I am quite contrary and if I'm told something is age-inappropriate, I instantly want to go and buy one in every colour.
Introducing 'comfident'
My top tip for midlife dressing is that clothes should make you feel 'comfident' – a hybrid of confident and comfortable. It's my new word for easy-to-wear outfits that lend themselves to feeling relaxed and yourself. It doesn't mean sloping around in trackies all day long, but rather choosing favourites that flatter your shape and don't make you feel restricted, or forced to live up to a fictional version of yourself.
So, my go-tos are clothes that make you feel good, rather than trussed up, uptight, and unsure of yourself. In a nutshell, ignore fashion diktats and wear what you like. People are drawn to confidence and are unlikely, unless you wear a bikini to a funeral, to negatively comment on your clothes if you are friendly and appear to be enjoying yourself (again, except at a funeral!).
How to wear what you want in midlife
Here's an example of comfidence. Last week, myself and actor Gina Bellman took part in the first-ever performance of my new show, 'Cracking the Menopause, One Night At A Time'. I was so far out of my comfort zone that I might as well have been in outer space. I am no actor – my career is based entirely on being myself – and the script was a labour of love, sweat and fear of failure.
What to wear was both top and bottom of my to-do list. I had to stand for most of the show, so heels were out of the question, and I had no intention of either holding in my stomach or wearing constricting underwear.
So, rather, I wondered what I'd like to wear. Revolutionary, right? Gina and I consulted each other and agreed that we'd feel most comfortable in our well-worn jeans and denim shirts. They are timelessly cool. Not having to think about our outfits would give us confidence. I hoped that not worrying about my neckline would help me to deliver my words with spark and enthusiasm. I also wore flat shoes so that my feet didn't hurt.
© InstagramEasy to (not) follow fashion
As a pioneer of this new phrase, I'd like to also point out that the fashion industry, which can in some ways be the enemy of ageing (ref: many catwalk shows) is nonetheless increasingly recognising the power of the older woman.
© Ken McKay/ITV/REX/ShutterstockAlthough many of us will have a vague awareness of trends and colours, there is always likely to be a style to suit all shapes. You don't have to spend a fortune either – Zara's dresses and jackets are a medley of flattering joy this season, loose trousers (the bliss) are very much cool, and thankfully, trainers remain an acceptable footwear of choice.
As I've said many times before, one of the joys of going through the menopausal transition is inner confidence, less self-consciousness and not caring what others think.
