Starting over after a loss or a traumatic life experience is incredibly difficult. Often, when we're going through these difficult and complex moments, it can be hard to believe there is any light at the end of the tunnel.
Grief and trauma undeniably take a psychological toll; anyone who has experienced it knows that navigating it often means a struggle to rediscover the joy or the meaning of life. However, finding happiness again is possible. Below, we summarise strategies that can help, with insights from an expert.
Why we feel disconnected - the mental effects of trauma
According to psychologist Rodrigo Gurrea, trauma can have a profound impact on our health, and particularly our mental well-being, generating feelings of anxiety, mistrust and insecurity.
© Getty Images"These feelings can lead to a certain instability in our daily lives," he explains. "From a person-centred approach, the recommendation is that you should try to recognise and validate your feelings rather than attempt to block the experience. When you disconnect from yourself or others, it often makes the healing process much more difficult."
"There are people who feel 'okay' but still carry unresolved grief years, even decades, later"
The non-linear path of grief
Grief is a response to loss, which can take many forms, and it manifests in various ways, often moving through distinct phases.
"It is normal to reach a point of deep sadness, confusion or anger," the psychologist notes. "It is vital that we allow ourselves to genuinely experience grief without pressure, without a fixed idea of what 'overcoming it' looks like or how long the process should take. That is going to vary for everyone.
"There are times when you might start to feel better and regain your spirits, only to experience days where you dip again, feeling sad, lost or missing something or someone."
Gurrea adds that the sense of loss can persist for a long time, even as we learn to live with joy and happiness again. "We simply have to make space for the loss and the grief," he states.
Common reactions: From denial to dissociation
According to the expert, one's reaction depends heavily on the individual and their approach to life. "It varies significantly, but typically, a traumatic experience or loss is followed by denial, anger, sadness and anxiety," Gurrea explains. "At times, people may feel completely detached from the experience, as if they have dissociated from the event; something that's actually very common."
© Getty Images/iStockphotoThat's why it is incredibly important to have a safe space and a support network that allows us to face these emotions head-on. "A supportive relationship hugely facilitates healing and moving forward," he details. "It involves accepting reality exactly as it is - acknowledging what is happening and finding a way to integrate it. Obviously, this is not easy and takes time. We often tend to avoid feeling sadness, anger or other uncomfortable emotions because, socially, we're just very used to rejecting them."
No fixed timeline - the uniqueness of healing
As we navigate the process of rediscovering the joy of living, we must remember that there is no fixed timeline or deadline for recovery.
"Each person is unique, and their process is equally unique, depending on many factors," the psychologist clarifies. "It depends on the type of trauma suffered, the support system available and the individual's values and beliefs.
© Getty"That's why self-exploration and self-knowledge are so important; they can significantly help a person emerge from deep sadness or from a negative grief state that might otherwise paralyse them. But there is no defined schedule."
He observes that recovery is highly subjective. "There are people who feel 'okay' but still carry unresolved grief years, even decades, later. It does not mean they are unwell or can't experience happiness. It simply means there are aspects they haven't quite understood, faced or found closure with yet."
Resilience and growth - learning from loss
Not everything should be viewed solely from a negative perspective. The psychologist believes that traumatic experiences often help us discover our hidden strengths.
© Getty Images"Undoubtedly, these situations often reveal inner strengths we didn't know we possessed," he says. "Suffering and adversity typically push us to develop resilience and self-understanding. In a way, we 'discover ourselves.' We examine parts of our psyche we hadn't explored before, which presents a huge opportunity for growth."
He adds that trauma also teaches us to accept impermanence. "I believe the most crucial aspect of loss and grief is understanding that, as humans, we are limited by our physical existence. Above all, we must understand that everything comes to an end. Everything in this world is transient, and that is natural. The goal, therefore, is to open ourselves to the 'here and now': to live in the present, understanding that sooner or later, everything we live and share will eventually end."
"Understanding that everything in life is temporary can help us live more intensely, be happier, worry less and let go of what doesn't serve us"
Life after trauma: Finding the will to go on
Is it possible to feel joy again? "Absolutely. You can recover the joy of living," says the expert. That said, it's not an easy task. "It takes time, it takes effort, a lot of openness and acceptance, but yes, it is possible.
© Getty Images"When you face your [emotions], you realise there is something indestructible within you. And from there, you begin to live with much more presence, with more attention. Understanding that everything in life is temporary can help us live more intensely, be happier, worry less and let go of what doesn't serve us."
Useful tips for finding happiness again
So for those who are suffering from trauma, grieving or trying to heal from loss, what will help them recover and move forward?
© Getty Images- Don't suppress emotions: First and foremost, you have to permit yourself to feel deeply - this is absolutely key.
- Don't be hard on yourself: Don't put pressure on yourself, don't judge your emotions and, above all, don't fight them. When we reject our emotions, they end up haunting us, leading us to live with a fear that is often unsustainable and will paralyse us.
- Share your thoughts with others: Seeking the support of friends family or reaching out for professional help is usually very important. Being able to share our thoughts and feelings helps us to re-establish ourselves.
- Take moments for mindfulness: Practise being present in the 'here and now'. Despite everything you have been through, if you take a moment to be truly present, you will often realise that, right now, you are safe. This realisation can be very grounding.
- Reflect on what remains: We all will suffer loss, but we also have to embrace what we still have. Practising gratitude helps shift our perspective towards the positive.
- Prioritise self-care: Exercise, a good diet and proper rest can help us face the most challenging moments when our energy is low or we feel lost.
- Go at your own pace: It's very important to take things calmly without comparing yourself to others. Being overly self-critical only leads to discouragement.
- Normalise the conversation. "I recommend people open up," Gurrea concludes. "It is rare to find people who teach us how to live calmly with the concept of death or loss, yet it is the only certainty we have from birth. We know that we will eventually die; everything until then is the experience."
About the expert:
Rodrigo Gurrea Córdova is a psychologist at Spain's Institute of Interaction and Personal Dynamics,
