Without sounding totally parasocial, I have complicated feelings about Taylor Swift getting married this weekend.
Happy, delighted and over the moon for her, of course. But also, dare I say it… disappointed? Thus far, I've lived my heartbreaks and romances along with Taylor, and now, she's settling into her happily ever after, leaving me feeling like the last single girl, to quote Carrie Bradshaw.
I could call upon the various psychotherapists in my contact book for comments on why I'm feeling this way, but even without a psychology degree, I think it's obvious why such an occasion might elicit difficult emotions from me – and many other Taylor fans out there.
© AFP via Getty ImagesMy feelings about Taylor Swift getting married
I'm the same age as Taylor (albeit about three weeks older), and I distinctly remember a few years back telling a friend how reassuring I found it that, like me, Taylor was also unmarried and yet to have children. I know these aren't goals I need to hit, but society says so, so seeing the most successful woman in the world ignore those rules was inspiring.
It reassured me that I wasn't "behind" in life. I considered her the ultimate mid-30s role model. Hotter than ever, hitting new career highs all the time, surrounded by friends that love her, and most importantly, seemingly unbothered that she wasn't hitting the milestones we're expected to reach as we hit our 30s, despite the fact she spent her teens singing about the dream of a fairytale ending.
My friend retorted: "But how will you feel if she does get married, or has kids at 45 through a surrogate, knowing you probably can't afford that?" I honestly didn't think I'd be bothered. I don't expect to have the same life path as a billionaire. I was just happy to have a touch point of someone in the public eye living the same life as me, as well as showing younger women and girls that they didn't have to follow the typical path.
Taylor Swift's engagement
And I was right, when Taylor got engaged, I didn't feel anything complicated. Like Swifties all over the world, I was excited and happy for the musician.
© Taylor SwiftI was on my way out of a (Taylor Swift-themed) Pilates class when I saw her Instagram post sharing the happy news, and it united my fellow attendees and I, who all chattered excitedly about it, despite never having spoken before.
Posts flooded social media about being "so happy for my close personal friend Taylor Swift," and the collective happiness we felt for Taylor, who has been singing about finding her happy ever after since her first album back in 2006, created a happy glow for me.
© Ezra Shaw- July 2023: Travis first shows interest in Taylor after her concert at Arrowhead Stadium, attempting to give her a friendship bracelet with his number.
- September 2023: Taylor attends a Chiefs game, sitting with Travis' mom, signaling their growing connection, and they leave together.
- October 2023: They’re spotted holding hands at public events, including an SNL afterparty, confirming their relationship.
- November 2023: The couple goes public, with Taylor referencing Travis in her concert lyrics, and he confirms their relationship in an interview.
- January 2024: Taylor and Travis ring in the new year together with a kiss, and he declares his love after the Chiefs’ AFC Championship win.
- February 2024: Taylor supports Travis at the Super Bowl, celebrating his victory with him in a major public moment.
- April 2024: Taylor references Travis in her song lyrics, further solidifying their relationship in her music.
- June 2024: Travis makes a surprise appearance onstage with Taylor during her Eras Tour show in London, taking their public connection to the next level.
Switching positions
But a few weeks into Taylor being engaged, my long-term boyfriend (we've been together since when Taylor was dating Calvin Harris, if you're after a timeline) asked me if it had made me feel differently about getting married – something I've always been quite sure I don't want.
And being honest, it kind of did… Through her lyrics, Taylor's position on marriage changed over the years, from disdain on Midnights "The only kind of girl they see is a one night or a wife," to wistful lyrics on TTPD about "rings and cradles", to The Life of a Showgirl, released post-engagement, where she sang "I don't need to catch the bouquet, To know a hard rock is on the way," confident she would be be-ringed by the time the album dropped. Somehow, Taylor getting engaged made me think I wanted it, just like I want the clothes she wears, the eyeliner she uses, or the haircut she has.
I'm not quite unhinged enough to truly want to get married just because Taylor is, but I'd be lying if I said her getting married didn't create complicated feelings for me.
I could pretend that it's because I'm disappointed we won't get any more Taylor heartbreak songs (arguably her best work happens in the depths of despair), but with Folklore and Evermore, she proved she can write fiction just as devastatingly as she can pull from her own emotional back catalogue.
In reality, I have nothing in common with a billionaire, even if we are the same age and have the same reference points (she loved Fall Out Boy and Dashboard Confessional growing up, same as me), but no longer both waiting on a forever love story is the final nail in my ability to relate to her.
The end of an era
My feelings are more that this is the end of an era. My friends and I long discussed how the Eras Tour felt like a goodbye, a greatest hits tour without calling it that, and while she went on to release The Life of a Showgirl post-tour, it fell a bit flat (for fans, I know it was her most successful album to date, doesn’t mean I liked it or it felt like her best work), it does feel like a hiatus will be on the way, post-wedding, further proven by Wish List on her latest album, during which Taylor sings about wanting to give it all up to "have a couple of kids," and no longer needs the accolades associated with the huge career she carved out for herself.
© Getty Images for TAS Rights ManaI'm sad that new music might be a long way off, and disappointed that Taylor and I will no longer be rubbing along on the same life trajectory, albeit worlds apart in the wealth stakes.
That said, I'm looking forward to reading about the wedding this weekend as much as the next fan, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for more fiction albums from Taylor, rather than marriage anthems…
