Jools Oliver has bravely opened up for the first time after her near-fatal miscarriage, admitting she suffered strong feelings of guilt and felt she had to keep what she was going through a secret.
Jamie Oliver's wife, 46, spoke to Saying Goodbye founder and CEO Zoe Clark-Coates MBE on her Life & Soul podcast, and discussed how these feelings affected her during her difficult journey to motherhood.
RELATED: 12 celebrities who have bravely opened up about their miscarriages
"I felt guilty as I had four children and thought I can’t tell people about my miscarriages. I stopped telling my friends, I didn’t even tell my mum as I was sure she was thinking 'you’re 40 something, you’ve got a wonderful family, you’ve got everything you’ve ever wanted, why are you pushing it?'"
Jamie Oliver and his wife have been married for 21 years
She continued, "I didn’t even really tell Jamie I was pregnant at points as I was worried he’d think 'why are we going through this all again?'. I thought I was putting people through hell for my own selfish gain, and that’s terrible".
Jools shares five wonderful children with husband Jamie; Poppy, 19, Daisy, 17, Petal, 12, Buddy, ten and River, five.
MORE: An open letter to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle from a couple who have experienced baby loss
However, like many, her journey to conceive wasn’t easy. After being diagnosed with PCOS at the age of 17, and struggling to conceive for more than a year, she was prescribed medication to help her ovulate which resulted in her first daughter.
Jools Oliver has five wonderful children with husband Jamie
Jools experienced her first miscarriage before River and went on to have five in total, with the second leaving Jools with PTSD.
"I get flashbacks that I’m going to have to live with the rest of my life and that is really hard," Jools explained.
By speaking out about her experience, Jools hopes to raise awareness about the lack of aftercare for women who have suffered a miscarriage.
"You cannot pack someone off and say 'Off you go. Go and pass your baby and you’ll be fine'. I don’t know how they can do that, I don’t know why they do that. Why aren’t they calling you everyday and saying 'Darling, it’s me I’m your midwife. How much blood loss have you had? How do you feel?'"
For anyone who needs support after suffering the loss of a baby, please visit sayinggoodbye.org
DISCOVER: One father shares his personal journey of miscarriage and stillbirth for Baby Loss Awareness Week