There are a few parallels between me and Victoria Beckham. We're both slim brunettes who love fashion and dressing smartly, we've both launched pop careers as solo artists, and we're both Gen X mums to Gen Z kids. Sadly for me at 45, I don't have VB's millions or career success (at least not yet). Thankfully, unlike Victoria and David's son Brooklyn, my 14-year-old daughter has yet to cut ties and agrees to see me regularly — though, like any teenager, she finds me mortifying, and I know our clashes will be relatable to many fellow parents of Gen Z kids.
Even though I'm woke (my sister is trans and I'm fully supportive of her), I'm not woke enough for my Gen Z. She once told me off for saying “there's a fox in the garden cleaning himself”. She was up in arms: “Did you just assume the fox's gender?!” My argument that the fox would neither know nor care if it were misgendered, because it couldn't understand English, did not go over well.
Then there's my budding pop career. I think my daughter secretly thinks it's quite cool having a mum who sings and dances, but she'd be loath to admit it. Though, unlike VB, I do keep my dance moves to myself. My debut album Better, which will be released in July under the name Ariane X, is full of songs addressed to my amazing teen, and I think she's quietly flattered by having inspired so many tracks about how much I love her. But when I wrote a lyric about her covert first relationship, she muttered something about “lies!”, though she didn't ask me to change the lines.
I am, she says, “too embarrassing” to meet her scores of friends (though I have just the once, at a carol concert). I am similarly not permitted to talk to her at school events, and she always arranges meetings with me and her stepdad in the next town along from hers, so that we don't bump into anyone she knows. When I asked her to pose for my album cover, she did so through gritted teeth and accepted an iPhone as payment. Unsurprisingly, one of the few things which doesn't seem to horrify her is when I buy her unlimited numbers of gifts and treats — although significantly less fancy ones than Brooklyn grew up with.
Joking aside, I love her to infinity and hate the idea that we'd ever become estranged, so I can't imagine what Victoria Beckham must be going through. Mums always have a special bond with their firstborn, and while we all do misguided things while parenting — especially those of us who are two or more generations apart from our therapy-speaking, hard-to-handle Gen Zs — it feels unthinkable that Posh Spice would ever be neglectful or abusive. I'm sure she's just a loving mum who perhaps made mistakes when it came to her son's wedding — an event costing millions which was covered by Vogue, so a high-pressure event at the best of times. Maybe, it strikes me suddenly, I don't want to be that famous after all?
I understand family pain. I am a woman who voluntarily estranged myself from my family because of my father. We were estranged for over two years before his death, and I never got to say goodbye. So I know that splits can be necessary. However, though errors were probably made by the Beckhams, it doesn't sound from Brooklyn's Instagram statement as though anything truly unforgivable went on. So I hope he can find it in his heart to reconcile with his parents — because being apart from the folks who brought you up is an unnatural state of being (even if they are embarrassing and do misgender foxes).
Like Ariane, are you a Gen X parent to a Gen Z child ? Do you enjoy being seen as an "embarrassing" has-been or find your 'snowflake's' sanctimony quite hard to handle? Let us know of the challenges you face in the comments and we will be sure to share them with the writer...